Thank God for the six days long weekend holiday for me. It had given me time to really relax, get longer sleep, read a book, eat a lot but do exercise as always, play with my niece and nephew and do my favorite past time lately which is movie marathon! But the best of all, I was able to spend time with the Lord which was unfortunately pushed by my frustrations with my walk with Lord Jesus.Last night I was browsing through the blog I have been following and I was so blessed with the article written and posted by Thorn of http://www.signsofastruggleblog.com entitled "The Line Between Almost and Always". I can actually relate when he said that as a child, Easter was an odd celebration because I felt the same way. But after celebrating the resurrection of Lord Jesus as a Christian for almost five years now, God gave me a different view and reflection on this most important event of our history. Christ died, defeated death and rose again. It is reality and not words, to save us as a demonstration of the greatest love of all! We all know this truth and believed.
As I reflected upon on the latest event of my journey with the Lord, it went beyond this reality I guess. With regards to my frustrations, for me God has not only conquered death. He also has shown to all especially to the enemy that He always win! He will do everything for His people to bring honor and glory to His precious name! It is never about us but it's all about Him!
So even if I make wrong choices or choose to follow myself, God's plan has not changed and will never change. He can turn the most disastrous event in my life and all the temptations which come always on my way, into something that will change me towards becoming the man that He wants me to be and at the same time will give glory and honor to Him!
As I continue my walk with Jesus Christ, I know I will continue to struggle with same sex attraction and sexual intimacy. I have failed or sinned a few times already this year and always plead to Him as I pray for forgiveness and total freedom. Last Wednesday night as I begged to God to help me and free from this bondage I cried and cried for several minutes and then have felt God's presence. He knows how much I have wanted to pursue holiness and obey Him without any doubts or questions but full trust. And I strongly believed in my heart that He assured me that very soon as I go to the point of dying to myself, there will be tears but also joy at the same time in honoring God with this death.
Additionally, the Lord clearly have spoken to me that Easter is not only about rising alone. But it also means finishing up this race God has called me for to finish by rising up again and again each time I fall and move forward till the end no matter what! God reminded me of this with Derek Redmond's video and story as I read "More Than Conquerors - A Call to Radical Discipleship" by Simon Guillebaud. I remember I was truly touched and have cried when I first saw its video and as I pictured in my mind whilst reading it from this book, I can't help but to cry again and I know its God! Derek got injured and was in great agony in the middle of the race at the 1996 Atlanta Olympic Games. He stopped running, but in excruciating pain did not drop out of the race. With the cheering of the crowd wondering if he could finish it, his trainer and Dad at the same time helped him and they made it together to the finishing line.
Just like Derek's father, Jesus is the only one who can help me to finish this race. Only Jesus is the one who knows what I have been through and what lies ahead. Similarly, Jesus comes alongside each of us to carry us the rest of the way as Guillebaud said. With His help, I will finish the race!
Now I am excited and recharged for the coming weeks and months knowing this assurance from the Lord! Die, rise again and finish the race.
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