Brokenness Or Way Of Sorrow
When I have learned that I am HIV positive and can no longer migrate to another country for greener pasture, I have felt hopeless. After losing more than half a million pesos in a scam, my entrepreneurial venture did not worked out, my modeling career did not took off, then stuck in a call center job, I guess there's no reason for me to live anymore. My dream of becoming wealthy enough to experience a luxurious kind of life and giving my parents or family a well-off kind of lifestyle will not going to happen or very far from happening in this country has been shattered and I have felt like I was broken in to million pieces and do not know how to make it whole again. Like I said I have thought several times of committing suicide it's just that I can't do it. Then I began searching for the reasons on everything that happened to me. Out of this brokenness, I began searching for the meaning and purpose of my completely wrecked and already sentenced life until I have found God. God is the answer for all of this.
Since I have accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior, I must be born again spiritually. The old I have to die and the new me now is trying to emerge and live for I have decided to walk in light with Him. After receiving God and the Holy Spirit, the conviction of all my sins took place then repentance must follow. But what is the real meaning of repentance? It means a change of mind, a change of direction and in the final analysis, sorrow that initiates actions. It is not enough to be in sorrow over the loss of a comfortable lifestyle, nor is it enough to think good thoughts about God while continuing to walk in darkness. One must have deep sorrow for all his wrongdoings for he has grieved the Holy Spirit and a resolve that this will not continue to happen.
The action that repentance initiates may be leaving a lover, separating from friendships, leaving a job and yes, leaving homosexuality and moving to new, unfamiliar surroundings. The death of a dream is a sad thing. It is hard for the former homosexual to set aside the fantasy that someday the right person is going to come along and bring the fulfillment he has sought for so long. But as long as this dream lives, change is blocked. As of this writing, I just turned away from Alex, the man I have waited for several months to see again and be with him. I like him a lot and liked him even more when we've met and talked three days ago. But I have to give him up coz it was wrong, I told Alex that friendship is all I can offer. What makes it worst is that he likes me a lot too! Well, I need to follow God coz that is the right thing to do; yes it is painful.
Before Christ's glorious resurrection, Jesus had to walk the lonely and painful way too; the way of sorrow. So if we have decided to change and are able to be in close relationship with Jesus and guided by the Holy Spirit, we cannot escape the cross. Romans 6:3-4 says don't you know that all of us who where baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.
New life emerges from the power of the Cross. In the times when Jesus lived, everyone knew the expression "take up your cross" meant "you're on your way to death." There is finality about death and we must view the old lifestyle with that same finality. Any remnant of our former way of life will block the new from emerging.
As a surgeon searches for every trace of cancer so that no new problem will be generated from the old, so must the former homosexual remove all remnants from his past: all pornography materials like magazines and DVD of gay porn movies, website accounts, and other materials or keepsakes that draw the mind back to former times. These things must be completely eradicated. If our job compromise our Christian standards and affects our Christian walk or the change that we want in our life, then it must be wise to change jobs also.
Friends who negatively affect our lives must be kept from exerting influence over us too, for they will not understand our change of ways. Spiritual things sound like foolishness to those who are perishing according to 1 Corinthians 1:18. In my case I have changed my phone number and retain those whom I thought would understand me. Now that I have entrusted my self to God, I must free myself from the pressures the world places on me. If we have the courage and determination to do this, we will grow spiritually.
We must also learn to forgive people. We tend to blame others for what had happened to us but we must take responsible for our actions. When we gave up to homosexuality it's our choice and not them. Most probably all the bad things including the guilt feelings, emptiness, anger, ridicule, and emotional pain that comes along with it are merely the consequences of those actions we took and we should be accountable for it as well. It is not easy to let go of such hatred and resentment especially if we have been molested or overpowered. But forgiveness is a sacrifice and a painful readjustment in our emotional make-up. Difficult as it may be, it is a doorway to healing.
Again, change is born out of brokenness. If you have decided that homosexuality is a sin and that you have grieved the Holy Spirit by your actions, and then a deep sorrow for it must follow. There must be an abandonment of your old ways, your desires and your will. Before we find peace and joy, there must be a time of grief. There are sacrifices are to be made gladly since the exchange is all in our favor.
James 4:8-10. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
Next, I am going to talk about the need for a Savior to make the change happen.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Homosexuality Part 3
First Step - Making The Crucial Decision
It is not easy for the homosexual person to decide that God has spoken against homosexuality and to agree to embark on the long and difficult road to change. I can truly attest to that. The church at large is not being helpful in guiding the former homosexual toward a new and different lifestyle. A segment of the church is advancing the idea that the scriptural injunctions against homosexuality were written for ancient culture and offer nothing of value for today's world.
Large numbers of people struggling with homosexuality are being advised by pastors or priests to adjust to that lifestyle, though they are admonished to live as respectably as possible as a homosexual person.
To step out of homosexuality should be our decision alone. If we made that decision surely it will be challenged time after time. If our decision was based on pleasing others except God, it will not be strong enough to endure the hardships and rough times ahead. This motivation will be insufficient and will fail during times of testing, we will find ourselves saying: "I only did it to please my parents (or others)."
We believed that there are two forces out there which influence our actions: the good and evil. Standing against both the subtle and blatant messages of the world, we must gain wisdom and learn to discern the workings of both forces especially the workings of the Devil. Satan brings pressure to bear on us in times of need. He distorts and magnifies the problems, widening the gap between us and God. He moves on us when we are weak and troubled. He knows the longing of our hearts like deep needs for touch, intimacy and a person to understand us but he sends something that will hurt or destroy us like a lover for example.
Satan is a liar. Each sexual encounter we have only increases our appetite for more. He keeps telling us it will be better next time which actually is not true. While sexual encounters may have been satisfying for the moment, we are left still unfulfilled and still searching for some elusive ingredient that will make the intimacy last. Homosexuals are deceived that the hope for the person we have been seeking is just around the corner. Yet, it never happens, the endless search continues. Clearly, each sexual encounter tightens the grip of homosexuality. The more experiences we have, the more trapped we become. We are left with raging desires that can never find peace or satisfaction.
Human nature being what it is; people tend to seek the easy way, the way of escape, the way of no pain. Accepting homosexuality is the wide and easy way that leads to destruction. Resisting it is the narrow and sometimes the lonely way since so few takes this road. But this is the road which leads to life, the only path to the true joy and fulfillment we've sought through elusive fantasies. Hard to believe but I guess it's true. Self is enthroned. If it feels good, do it. If it seems right to me, it must be right. That is how we people usually tend to react on things. But Jesus set his face like flint against temptation and so must we.
How can such a decision be made? First, the struggling homosexual must be a seeker of the Truth. The motivation for such a major change is unlikely to come from human resources but only through the Holy Spirit. According to Psalm 145:18, the Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. No one finds his way out of a problem until he admits the problem exists. So as homosexual, we must admit to ourselves and to God that "Lord I have a problem."
Second, we need to close the option of accepting homosexuality or returning to it if things did not work out. Ambivalence is the barrier to change and if these options are held open change won't occur. Bridges must be burned and a crucial decision must be made. The Holy Spirit brings conviction of sin, and if the person receives this conviction deep into his heart he will have the only enduring motivation to close the options forever.
I have decided already that's why I am sharing this to you and now the decision is yours. Will you face the issue head on and take a realistic look at your life? What will the future hold for you as a gay person? Have you ever been repulsed by aging gays trying to pick up young men in a gay bar, streets, or malls? Have you wondered if this is going to be you at some point in the future? It will be unless you make some hard choices now. Do you want a life filled with guilt and separation from God?
What we may be unaware of at the time of decision is that God is "for us" and will come to your aid, helping you through the difficult situations. He is as near as you will allow Him to be. He is faithful to His promises always "near to those who call upon Him" (Psalm 145:18).
Again, this is not a decision to be made lightly for it will alter the entire balance of your life. Once made, it will be in your best interest to stand firm in your decision since wavering is the worst walk of all, bringing guilt, fear and confusion. My suggestion is repent first and decide to walk finally in light with Jesus Christ then gradually work on homosexuality issues coz definitely it will follow, just like what I am currently doing. It's really hard but once the Holy Spirit of God is working it will absolutely work. Well, I am speaking of my situation and what I am going through right now.
It takes boldness and bravery to leave behind the very thing that has always presented itself as the answer to the empty places in life. Yet the Holy Spirit makes brave men out of cowards. When God asks something of us and we respond in heartfelt obedience, He always supplies power to do it. So this decision must be made on your own and not to please someone else for it deserves time and effort. Seek God and pray before deciding. Don't be hasty; know the costs, weigh them. But know the blessings as well; peace with God and a new way of life.
Romans 6:13. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but offer yourselves to God.
Next topic is brokenness.
It is not easy for the homosexual person to decide that God has spoken against homosexuality and to agree to embark on the long and difficult road to change. I can truly attest to that. The church at large is not being helpful in guiding the former homosexual toward a new and different lifestyle. A segment of the church is advancing the idea that the scriptural injunctions against homosexuality were written for ancient culture and offer nothing of value for today's world.
Large numbers of people struggling with homosexuality are being advised by pastors or priests to adjust to that lifestyle, though they are admonished to live as respectably as possible as a homosexual person.
To step out of homosexuality should be our decision alone. If we made that decision surely it will be challenged time after time. If our decision was based on pleasing others except God, it will not be strong enough to endure the hardships and rough times ahead. This motivation will be insufficient and will fail during times of testing, we will find ourselves saying: "I only did it to please my parents (or others)."
We believed that there are two forces out there which influence our actions: the good and evil. Standing against both the subtle and blatant messages of the world, we must gain wisdom and learn to discern the workings of both forces especially the workings of the Devil. Satan brings pressure to bear on us in times of need. He distorts and magnifies the problems, widening the gap between us and God. He moves on us when we are weak and troubled. He knows the longing of our hearts like deep needs for touch, intimacy and a person to understand us but he sends something that will hurt or destroy us like a lover for example.
Satan is a liar. Each sexual encounter we have only increases our appetite for more. He keeps telling us it will be better next time which actually is not true. While sexual encounters may have been satisfying for the moment, we are left still unfulfilled and still searching for some elusive ingredient that will make the intimacy last. Homosexuals are deceived that the hope for the person we have been seeking is just around the corner. Yet, it never happens, the endless search continues. Clearly, each sexual encounter tightens the grip of homosexuality. The more experiences we have, the more trapped we become. We are left with raging desires that can never find peace or satisfaction.
Human nature being what it is; people tend to seek the easy way, the way of escape, the way of no pain. Accepting homosexuality is the wide and easy way that leads to destruction. Resisting it is the narrow and sometimes the lonely way since so few takes this road. But this is the road which leads to life, the only path to the true joy and fulfillment we've sought through elusive fantasies. Hard to believe but I guess it's true. Self is enthroned. If it feels good, do it. If it seems right to me, it must be right. That is how we people usually tend to react on things. But Jesus set his face like flint against temptation and so must we.
How can such a decision be made? First, the struggling homosexual must be a seeker of the Truth. The motivation for such a major change is unlikely to come from human resources but only through the Holy Spirit. According to Psalm 145:18, the Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. No one finds his way out of a problem until he admits the problem exists. So as homosexual, we must admit to ourselves and to God that "Lord I have a problem."
Second, we need to close the option of accepting homosexuality or returning to it if things did not work out. Ambivalence is the barrier to change and if these options are held open change won't occur. Bridges must be burned and a crucial decision must be made. The Holy Spirit brings conviction of sin, and if the person receives this conviction deep into his heart he will have the only enduring motivation to close the options forever.
I have decided already that's why I am sharing this to you and now the decision is yours. Will you face the issue head on and take a realistic look at your life? What will the future hold for you as a gay person? Have you ever been repulsed by aging gays trying to pick up young men in a gay bar, streets, or malls? Have you wondered if this is going to be you at some point in the future? It will be unless you make some hard choices now. Do you want a life filled with guilt and separation from God?
What we may be unaware of at the time of decision is that God is "for us" and will come to your aid, helping you through the difficult situations. He is as near as you will allow Him to be. He is faithful to His promises always "near to those who call upon Him" (Psalm 145:18).
Again, this is not a decision to be made lightly for it will alter the entire balance of your life. Once made, it will be in your best interest to stand firm in your decision since wavering is the worst walk of all, bringing guilt, fear and confusion. My suggestion is repent first and decide to walk finally in light with Jesus Christ then gradually work on homosexuality issues coz definitely it will follow, just like what I am currently doing. It's really hard but once the Holy Spirit of God is working it will absolutely work. Well, I am speaking of my situation and what I am going through right now.
It takes boldness and bravery to leave behind the very thing that has always presented itself as the answer to the empty places in life. Yet the Holy Spirit makes brave men out of cowards. When God asks something of us and we respond in heartfelt obedience, He always supplies power to do it. So this decision must be made on your own and not to please someone else for it deserves time and effort. Seek God and pray before deciding. Don't be hasty; know the costs, weigh them. But know the blessings as well; peace with God and a new way of life.
Romans 6:13. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but offer yourselves to God.
Next topic is brokenness.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Homosexuality Part 2
Homosexuality Is A Sin - Did God Say?
I grew up as a catholic and the teachings back then was homosexuality was indeed a sin. So even though I have felt that I am different I have struggled and fight not to become one or at least hide it. Then some of the churches in other countries have accepted same sex marriage; this somehow is one of the factors why I had given up to it 6 years ago. Because a lot of people are practicing homosexual lifestyle, it became natural to the society that they have become more open-minded to this unnatural kind of relationship or sexual orientation. Somehow, I just let myself went with the flow even though I knew deep down inside me that it was wrong.
Traditionally the church has always considered homosexuality a sin, in fact, has reacted rather badly at times to this problem. Homosexuality was not seen as just a sin among sins but a special sin: a category all of itself, a crime against nature. The punishment included torture, humiliation and burning. Modern day punishments include HIV/AIDS for sexually immoral. There was no question whether or not homosexuality was sin; it was!
Today it seems incredible that such a homophobic church could swing so far to the other side of this issue, yet it has in many instances. Not only the church, but governmental legislation from Norway to New Zealand now favors the gay lifestyle. Where once it was a crime to engage in homosexual behavior, now it is becoming a crime to question it. Church and government have capitulated to gay demands and now defend this new "alternative" lifestyle.
Again in the traditional viewpoint, God, seeing it was not good that man should be alone made a helper suitable for him. A woman is physically created to receive the man in sexual union. Any sexual relationship other than that between a man and a woman in marriage has been viewed as a sin and a product of the Fall. The three biblical requirements for marriage are; a man and a woman, a sexual relationship, and a lifetime commitment. If only one or two of these elements are present, there is a distortion of God's plan. An example of that might be two men in a sexual relationship with a lifetime commitment or a man and a woman in a sexual relationship without commitment. For this reason many church leaders continue to see homosexuality as a sin, a result of man's fallen nature. Whatever new scientific "evidence" that may come to light can never change God's basic plan.
In Genesis 19, a sexual encounter of a man with another man is considered a wicked thing to do; when the men from Sodom insisted Lot's men visitors to have sex with them. Also it was considered unlawful in Leviticus 18:22 where it says do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman for that is detestable. The punishment for this sin is death according to Leviticus 20:13. God's wrath against mankind was revealed in the new testament under Romans 1; in verse 27 said that men abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Based on my experience I think, it was the HIV that I have acquired and its consequences.
Frank Worthen mentioned some gay theologies and rationalizations which favor the homosexuality but he concluded that God did not accept them at the time of Noah and God has not changed since then. One theology he mentioned he find difficult to accept is that it is against nature for a person to be freed from his homosexual orientation and to seek for marriage and family. The argument that homosexual orientation, for some, is natural and according to nature is completely and totally false.
One more scripture regarding homosexuality is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: "Do you know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
This verse considers all sex outside of marriage is sinful. It mentioned the fornicators, those who engage in sexual relations while unmarried; adulterers, those who have sexual relations with someone other than their marriage partner, and finally, Paul speaks of those who engage in homosexual practices.
Did God say? Where have we heard these words before? Do they have a familiar ring? In Genesis 3:1 we will find Satan questioning God's directives. Satan works through deception, introducing into the church deadly heresies that oppose God's design for man. What God has made perfectly clear, Satan cast doubt upon. These three words: "Did God say?" have separated man from God; not only severing his personal relationship with God but with his fellowmen as well, bringing death and defeat. Homosexuality along with all sin, found its birth the fateful day that man accepted and believed the lies of the Enemy.
When I first read all about these things, I must admit it was new to me and probably to you as well; knowing this deeply affect my and your life in times to come. On the 13th of this month, I will be in my 4th month as a Christian. The first several weeks were really tough for me, but as the days goes by it is getting easier somehow every time I remind myself with all these scriptures. Besides, we must admit that after sex we're just deceiving ourselves that we're ok or satisfied but if we're going to dig deeper with our emotions we're actually not.
Next topic, my decision and perhaps yours too.
I grew up as a catholic and the teachings back then was homosexuality was indeed a sin. So even though I have felt that I am different I have struggled and fight not to become one or at least hide it. Then some of the churches in other countries have accepted same sex marriage; this somehow is one of the factors why I had given up to it 6 years ago. Because a lot of people are practicing homosexual lifestyle, it became natural to the society that they have become more open-minded to this unnatural kind of relationship or sexual orientation. Somehow, I just let myself went with the flow even though I knew deep down inside me that it was wrong.
Traditionally the church has always considered homosexuality a sin, in fact, has reacted rather badly at times to this problem. Homosexuality was not seen as just a sin among sins but a special sin: a category all of itself, a crime against nature. The punishment included torture, humiliation and burning. Modern day punishments include HIV/AIDS for sexually immoral. There was no question whether or not homosexuality was sin; it was!
Today it seems incredible that such a homophobic church could swing so far to the other side of this issue, yet it has in many instances. Not only the church, but governmental legislation from Norway to New Zealand now favors the gay lifestyle. Where once it was a crime to engage in homosexual behavior, now it is becoming a crime to question it. Church and government have capitulated to gay demands and now defend this new "alternative" lifestyle.
Again in the traditional viewpoint, God, seeing it was not good that man should be alone made a helper suitable for him. A woman is physically created to receive the man in sexual union. Any sexual relationship other than that between a man and a woman in marriage has been viewed as a sin and a product of the Fall. The three biblical requirements for marriage are; a man and a woman, a sexual relationship, and a lifetime commitment. If only one or two of these elements are present, there is a distortion of God's plan. An example of that might be two men in a sexual relationship with a lifetime commitment or a man and a woman in a sexual relationship without commitment. For this reason many church leaders continue to see homosexuality as a sin, a result of man's fallen nature. Whatever new scientific "evidence" that may come to light can never change God's basic plan.
In Genesis 19, a sexual encounter of a man with another man is considered a wicked thing to do; when the men from Sodom insisted Lot's men visitors to have sex with them. Also it was considered unlawful in Leviticus 18:22 where it says do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman for that is detestable. The punishment for this sin is death according to Leviticus 20:13. God's wrath against mankind was revealed in the new testament under Romans 1; in verse 27 said that men abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion. Based on my experience I think, it was the HIV that I have acquired and its consequences.
Frank Worthen mentioned some gay theologies and rationalizations which favor the homosexuality but he concluded that God did not accept them at the time of Noah and God has not changed since then. One theology he mentioned he find difficult to accept is that it is against nature for a person to be freed from his homosexual orientation and to seek for marriage and family. The argument that homosexual orientation, for some, is natural and according to nature is completely and totally false.
One more scripture regarding homosexuality is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10: "Do you know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."
This verse considers all sex outside of marriage is sinful. It mentioned the fornicators, those who engage in sexual relations while unmarried; adulterers, those who have sexual relations with someone other than their marriage partner, and finally, Paul speaks of those who engage in homosexual practices.
Did God say? Where have we heard these words before? Do they have a familiar ring? In Genesis 3:1 we will find Satan questioning God's directives. Satan works through deception, introducing into the church deadly heresies that oppose God's design for man. What God has made perfectly clear, Satan cast doubt upon. These three words: "Did God say?" have separated man from God; not only severing his personal relationship with God but with his fellowmen as well, bringing death and defeat. Homosexuality along with all sin, found its birth the fateful day that man accepted and believed the lies of the Enemy.
When I first read all about these things, I must admit it was new to me and probably to you as well; knowing this deeply affect my and your life in times to come. On the 13th of this month, I will be in my 4th month as a Christian. The first several weeks were really tough for me, but as the days goes by it is getting easier somehow every time I remind myself with all these scriptures. Besides, we must admit that after sex we're just deceiving ourselves that we're ok or satisfied but if we're going to dig deeper with our emotions we're actually not.
Next topic, my decision and perhaps yours too.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Homosexuality Part 1
A Brief Look At Homosexuality
This Way Out. Understanding Homosexuality, Embracing Freedom is the whole title of the book written by Frank Worthen about homosexuality and how to get out of it. The first chapter tackled a brief look at homosexuality and according to him; homosexuality is a misguided search for love and affirmation.
Why on earth are homosexual people so determined that they were born gay? Personally, I have met other guys who used to be straight and began indulging into homosexual acts when someone took advantage of them sexually and they have liked it. Hence, they prefer having sex with guys also. Some of them are married to a woman to hide their homosexuality and some of these straight acting gays prefer someone like them, not the so effeminate, girly type, typical gays. That's why today, it's so hard to distinguish if a guy is really straight or not because most of them are not pretty obvious and hiding behind their well built physique and masculine behaviours. What I am saying is that, not all homosexual are gay since the beginning as they have told.
First, the idea that a choice exists as to whether or not they remain homosexual is both frightening and threatening. The gay person has a real investment in his identity. Many gay people like me, have struggled with homosexuality feelings for years before accepting the label "homosexual" on their lives. As for me, I was 25 when I have finally accepted it. By accepting this identity, they put to rest this hard struggle and feel a sense of relief that this traumatic time in their life has passed. The thought of returning to these times of uncertainty is very threatening and undermines their confidence in their very identity.
Secondly, most gay people cannot remember a time when they did not have homosexual feelings. They actually believe they were born gay. What research has proven is that the paths we take are laid down at a very early age. It is said that a child knows if he is wanted or not by the time he is 6 months of age. During the period from 18 to 36 months, his or her "gender identity" is formed and becomes difficult to change from this point on. So it is not surprising that the message from the gay community that a person is "born gay" is accepted at face value.
The deepest root of homosexuality is a break in the relational bonds within the family, producing a lack of a sense of belonging or lack of affirmation. The security of a child depends on a 3 way bond: mother to child, father to child and the often overlooked and neglected bond of father to mother. Any break in this triangle will produce insecurity in the child, whom is affected by the way he or she reacts to disruptions in the family unit.
A male child has certain needs that only his father can fill, the same is true of a female child with her mother. The male role is to initiate, the female role is to respond. These are to be the predominate traits although there will be a natural cross-over. It is vital for the male child to develop an active rather than a passive personality. Under his father's covering, he feels free to explore his world and learn by trial and error. The strength, power and protection of his father make this possible. He enjoys his relationship with his father, knowing that his father desires him to possess these traits for himself, rather than being always dependent on his father for them. These good feelings about his father transfer into love, affirmation and a sense of belonging. He is secure in his father's identity and accepts that identity for himself.
Why is it that causes gay people to go out on the streets looking for a sexual partner? Although, most have little awareness of this, their search is not for sex, but for intimacy. They seek in another male person the elements of parental love that was denied them. Much of the homosexual search is a father replacement search like mine, an attempt to find strength, power and protection from a male figure.
The deepest roots of homosexuality are ergo non-sexual. The desire for sexual interaction comes along after the simple desire for love, security, affirmation and just someone who will say "You're ok." If the child has had an absent or emotionally-absent father, a certain amount of vulnerability is felt by the child. There is a tendency to withdraw and it produces 3 negative side effects: fear, isolation and envy.
Fear of abandonment, is one of the major causes of personality disturbances. An emotionally absent father has abandoned his children as much, or more than a totally absent father. This is the case of most of the gay people, it explains while they are looking this loving and caring from other male that a father should have given to them.
The lack of a same sex role model creates problems with one's peer group. If a male child has only his mother's influence in his life, he will react to the world in the way he thinks his mother would react. Sadly, his peers will quickly pick up on his effeminacy or difference and ridicule him, excluding him from their inner circle. Thus isolation is forced on him. One of the major underlying problems of homosexuality is a lack of sense of belonging or affirmation. Peer rejection can play a major role in affirming a child's difference, and unacceptability. A rejected child will feel different and will purposely choose isolation, since social interaction brings pain and rejection.
It is only natural that the child who has felt the sting of rejection comes to envy the accepted one. A process begins that, if carried to its conclusion, will lead to what gays call their "orientation." Beginning with simple comparison of one's self with others, one makes the decision and admission that one is then not equal with one's peers. The realization comes that one cannot meet the standards of one's peer group. This gives rise to admiration of those who are better in some way. They may be more handsome, better built, or more intelligent; a host of other things. Predominantly admiration is felt for those who are not afraid to initiate, those who have the courage and strength to maintain their worth against the attacks that come their way. Somewhere along the way, this admiration slips into envy and a strong desire to possess. Usually there is one special person that is the object of this envy and admiration. Decades later, the homosexual person may still be on a replacement search for this "first love." He strongly desires for this person to be his best friend. He fantasizes about being alone with this person and being able to relate intimately with him.
In puberty, as the sexual desire starts to emerge, this desire simply settles in on what has already been the focus of the child's life, that which was the object of their admiration and envy. Thus, envy becomes eroticized. In many lives, this process does not proceed to this end, but for a homosexual person, this sexual desire for someone of the same sex seems completely natural since it began as a non-sexual desire.
So we find that the pattern of homosexuality develops over a long time span from infancy to adolescence. Because of its early beginnings, it may appear to be inborn. Somewhere in puberty, the person becomes aware that this interest in people of the same sex is not normal and that his peers are moving ahead into heterosexual interests.
Panic often sets in as the discovery is made that this is not just a phase that will pass but may be a lifetime condition. This revelation is sometimes followed by what can only be described as a grief process. There is a period of disbelief and denial. Following this may be a time of almost total isolation, crying, and severe depression. It is at this point that many who have never been religious will turn to religion to seek an immediate change in their life or just accept it, find other homosexuals to be with the same crowd and live a homosexual lifestyle; which is the case of today.
I was 25 years old when I have eventually accepted and live with it and then because of the never ending unwary quest for sexual satisfaction or partner, I got infected with HIV. Now that this happened, I have decided to fix the root cause of this endless and tiresome search for love or affirmation which turned out to be wrong in the first place. Then I came to a point of looking for the purpose of my messy life until I found the Lord Jesus Christ. Ever since, I really don't want to be homosexual; even during the times when I was acting out my homosexual desires. It's just that it was very hard to control then and I was so driven by my unwanted sexual need. It's different now that I am with Jesus Christ, I can control it now though it's really hard not to mention the temptation in every corner; and I have decided to correct what is wrong.
Next topic, is homosexuality a sin?
This Way Out. Understanding Homosexuality, Embracing Freedom is the whole title of the book written by Frank Worthen about homosexuality and how to get out of it. The first chapter tackled a brief look at homosexuality and according to him; homosexuality is a misguided search for love and affirmation.
Why on earth are homosexual people so determined that they were born gay? Personally, I have met other guys who used to be straight and began indulging into homosexual acts when someone took advantage of them sexually and they have liked it. Hence, they prefer having sex with guys also. Some of them are married to a woman to hide their homosexuality and some of these straight acting gays prefer someone like them, not the so effeminate, girly type, typical gays. That's why today, it's so hard to distinguish if a guy is really straight or not because most of them are not pretty obvious and hiding behind their well built physique and masculine behaviours. What I am saying is that, not all homosexual are gay since the beginning as they have told.
First, the idea that a choice exists as to whether or not they remain homosexual is both frightening and threatening. The gay person has a real investment in his identity. Many gay people like me, have struggled with homosexuality feelings for years before accepting the label "homosexual" on their lives. As for me, I was 25 when I have finally accepted it. By accepting this identity, they put to rest this hard struggle and feel a sense of relief that this traumatic time in their life has passed. The thought of returning to these times of uncertainty is very threatening and undermines their confidence in their very identity.
Secondly, most gay people cannot remember a time when they did not have homosexual feelings. They actually believe they were born gay. What research has proven is that the paths we take are laid down at a very early age. It is said that a child knows if he is wanted or not by the time he is 6 months of age. During the period from 18 to 36 months, his or her "gender identity" is formed and becomes difficult to change from this point on. So it is not surprising that the message from the gay community that a person is "born gay" is accepted at face value.
The deepest root of homosexuality is a break in the relational bonds within the family, producing a lack of a sense of belonging or lack of affirmation. The security of a child depends on a 3 way bond: mother to child, father to child and the often overlooked and neglected bond of father to mother. Any break in this triangle will produce insecurity in the child, whom is affected by the way he or she reacts to disruptions in the family unit.
A male child has certain needs that only his father can fill, the same is true of a female child with her mother. The male role is to initiate, the female role is to respond. These are to be the predominate traits although there will be a natural cross-over. It is vital for the male child to develop an active rather than a passive personality. Under his father's covering, he feels free to explore his world and learn by trial and error. The strength, power and protection of his father make this possible. He enjoys his relationship with his father, knowing that his father desires him to possess these traits for himself, rather than being always dependent on his father for them. These good feelings about his father transfer into love, affirmation and a sense of belonging. He is secure in his father's identity and accepts that identity for himself.
Why is it that causes gay people to go out on the streets looking for a sexual partner? Although, most have little awareness of this, their search is not for sex, but for intimacy. They seek in another male person the elements of parental love that was denied them. Much of the homosexual search is a father replacement search like mine, an attempt to find strength, power and protection from a male figure.
The deepest roots of homosexuality are ergo non-sexual. The desire for sexual interaction comes along after the simple desire for love, security, affirmation and just someone who will say "You're ok." If the child has had an absent or emotionally-absent father, a certain amount of vulnerability is felt by the child. There is a tendency to withdraw and it produces 3 negative side effects: fear, isolation and envy.
Fear of abandonment, is one of the major causes of personality disturbances. An emotionally absent father has abandoned his children as much, or more than a totally absent father. This is the case of most of the gay people, it explains while they are looking this loving and caring from other male that a father should have given to them.
The lack of a same sex role model creates problems with one's peer group. If a male child has only his mother's influence in his life, he will react to the world in the way he thinks his mother would react. Sadly, his peers will quickly pick up on his effeminacy or difference and ridicule him, excluding him from their inner circle. Thus isolation is forced on him. One of the major underlying problems of homosexuality is a lack of sense of belonging or affirmation. Peer rejection can play a major role in affirming a child's difference, and unacceptability. A rejected child will feel different and will purposely choose isolation, since social interaction brings pain and rejection.
It is only natural that the child who has felt the sting of rejection comes to envy the accepted one. A process begins that, if carried to its conclusion, will lead to what gays call their "orientation." Beginning with simple comparison of one's self with others, one makes the decision and admission that one is then not equal with one's peers. The realization comes that one cannot meet the standards of one's peer group. This gives rise to admiration of those who are better in some way. They may be more handsome, better built, or more intelligent; a host of other things. Predominantly admiration is felt for those who are not afraid to initiate, those who have the courage and strength to maintain their worth against the attacks that come their way. Somewhere along the way, this admiration slips into envy and a strong desire to possess. Usually there is one special person that is the object of this envy and admiration. Decades later, the homosexual person may still be on a replacement search for this "first love." He strongly desires for this person to be his best friend. He fantasizes about being alone with this person and being able to relate intimately with him.
In puberty, as the sexual desire starts to emerge, this desire simply settles in on what has already been the focus of the child's life, that which was the object of their admiration and envy. Thus, envy becomes eroticized. In many lives, this process does not proceed to this end, but for a homosexual person, this sexual desire for someone of the same sex seems completely natural since it began as a non-sexual desire.
So we find that the pattern of homosexuality develops over a long time span from infancy to adolescence. Because of its early beginnings, it may appear to be inborn. Somewhere in puberty, the person becomes aware that this interest in people of the same sex is not normal and that his peers are moving ahead into heterosexual interests.
Panic often sets in as the discovery is made that this is not just a phase that will pass but may be a lifetime condition. This revelation is sometimes followed by what can only be described as a grief process. There is a period of disbelief and denial. Following this may be a time of almost total isolation, crying, and severe depression. It is at this point that many who have never been religious will turn to religion to seek an immediate change in their life or just accept it, find other homosexuals to be with the same crowd and live a homosexual lifestyle; which is the case of today.
I was 25 years old when I have eventually accepted and live with it and then because of the never ending unwary quest for sexual satisfaction or partner, I got infected with HIV. Now that this happened, I have decided to fix the root cause of this endless and tiresome search for love or affirmation which turned out to be wrong in the first place. Then I came to a point of looking for the purpose of my messy life until I found the Lord Jesus Christ. Ever since, I really don't want to be homosexual; even during the times when I was acting out my homosexual desires. It's just that it was very hard to control then and I was so driven by my unwanted sexual need. It's different now that I am with Jesus Christ, I can control it now though it's really hard not to mention the temptation in every corner; and I have decided to correct what is wrong.
Next topic, is homosexuality a sin?
Monday, April 7, 2008
Friday, April 4, 2008
Alpha Course Finally Completed
The last topic discussed by Nicky Gumbel was "How can I make the most of the rest of my life?" He told us what should we do, and that is break with the past. We should not conform any longer to the pattern of this world and not let the world around us squeeze us into its mould. We need to make a brand new start and allow God freely transform us inwardly by a complete change through sincere love, enthusiasm for the Lord, and having a harmonious relationship with Him and His people.
But how on earth are we going to do it? All we need to do is to present our bodies to God, our eyes, ears, mouths, hands, sexuality, time, ambitions, money, and all act of will. In short we need to surrender our whole life to Him and let Jesus take the wheel like what Carrie Underwood sings in her song. Matthew 6:33 says, but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. So that's we as living sacrifices, it will involve sacrifices and maybe suffering as well.
Why should we do it? God has planned for our future, His good and pleasing perfect will. Personally, I am so excited what will happen to my future now that God is in control of my life. I pray for every decision I make to ensure that what I am about to do is conforming to His will. In that manner, I will be able to live my life accordingly.
Our graduation night last Wednesday was so great and full of fun and excitement for most of the hidden talents of the participants were showcased in front of guests. Well, as for me I have got to sing and it was cool. Alpha course is a great way to start a true Christian living. Questions about life will definitely be answered during the course and it's truly a life changing experience! I am glad that I have made that decision, accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior is really rewarding.
But how on earth are we going to do it? All we need to do is to present our bodies to God, our eyes, ears, mouths, hands, sexuality, time, ambitions, money, and all act of will. In short we need to surrender our whole life to Him and let Jesus take the wheel like what Carrie Underwood sings in her song. Matthew 6:33 says, but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. So that's we as living sacrifices, it will involve sacrifices and maybe suffering as well.
Why should we do it? God has planned for our future, His good and pleasing perfect will. Personally, I am so excited what will happen to my future now that God is in control of my life. I pray for every decision I make to ensure that what I am about to do is conforming to His will. In that manner, I will be able to live my life accordingly.
Our graduation night last Wednesday was so great and full of fun and excitement for most of the hidden talents of the participants were showcased in front of guests. Well, as for me I have got to sing and it was cool. Alpha course is a great way to start a true Christian living. Questions about life will definitely be answered during the course and it's truly a life changing experience! I am glad that I have made that decision, accepting Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior is really rewarding.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Kingdom Living
Kingdom Living or Christian Living is God's answer to HIV/AIDS according to Joy and Ray Thomas and I firmly believe and support that, I hope this will become my work and my ministry as well at the same time.
It means living God's way, following God's words which is the bible; the manual of our lives. Living God's way simply means abstinence before marriage, and being faithful after marriage, with condoms reserved for those in situations where they have no choice. The last resort which is the condom, I don't personally support that one 100%. There is always a choice; it's just that more often than not, people make the wrong choices. I strongly believe that HIV/AIDS is wholly preventable if only we will take our choices seriously.
According to the authors, the ABC program in Uganda (Abstinence first, Be faithful next, and use Condoms only for those who cannot or will not choose the first two) has successfully turned the tide in the progression of AIDS. It all started in Africa, Uganda, a country with a Christian President, was already thinking this way with this program. In the hospital where I have my regular check up, the number of patients increased every year. As a matter of fact, last year's total number of patients has been more than doubled compared to 2006. Though I was diagnosed then, it was in 2007 when I became legally part of their list. What's really sad about this is that most of the newly diagnosed were very young like 18 or 19 years old only! What's make the situation worse is that, the non government organizations that give social support to us promote the use of condoms. There's nothing wrong with that if you're going to look at safety alone but for me, it's like encouraging them to still engage in to casual sex and it's just ok as long as you're protected by this man-made rubber. I have read from the bible, I just can't remember what chapter and verse in the old testament, God said that if people will turn their back away from Him and continue to sin He will create diseases that is not written on this book; so HIV is one of them most probably. Now that I have decided to walk in light with Jesus Christ, living a true Christian life is a must and engaging in casual sex is not part of it. The church in the Philippines seems so quiet with regards to this matter, that's why this is I want to promote; the Kingdom Living.
The Kingdom of God promises salvation and eternal life. As we repent of our sins and receive forgiveness we can leave our old life behind and step to His kingdom. It is a kingdom of righteousness where we receive the blessings of heaven on earth in exchange for our selfishness and our worldly values. Here we have the power of the Holy Spirit to enable us to change from worldly to kingdom values. No longer are we at the center of our world, which is very lonely and dangerous place. As we seek His kingdom and place Him at the center of our lives, so He promises that all the needs we worry so much about will be provided by a Father who knows exactly what we really need.
God's gift of sexuality was given for the purpose of procreation and recreation only. Recreation is the giving of intense and deep pleasure to one another with which we are bound in the relationship of one flesh by marriage, and not with all and sundry but only with our one flesh partner. If we are promiscuous, it is though the "one fleshness" becomes diluted. We seem to leave parts of our "inner selves" scattered in different places with many different people. Flee from sexual immorality. It says in 1 Corinthians 6:18-19, do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God; therefore honoring God with your body. This is Kingdom Sexuality conforming Kingdom Living.
If we live God's way we will put God first. Matthew 6:33. Seek first the Kingdom of God. We will turn away from our sin, Matthew 3:2; repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is near. Follow Kingdom Sexuality by enjoying it with our marriage partner, 1 Corinthians 6:18; flee from sexual immorality.
For homosexuals like me, homosexual acts like same sex relationship is the sin and God hates the sin not the homosexuals. Through Jesus Christ, a gay can restore his sexuality into its original state and be an ex-gay. I'll talk more about it on my next post coz like I've said this is my spiritual warfare that I need to win all the time.
If we all live this way HIV/AIDS will stop and we can give the future generation a world without it. Kingdom Living is God's answer to HIV/AIDS.
It means living God's way, following God's words which is the bible; the manual of our lives. Living God's way simply means abstinence before marriage, and being faithful after marriage, with condoms reserved for those in situations where they have no choice. The last resort which is the condom, I don't personally support that one 100%. There is always a choice; it's just that more often than not, people make the wrong choices. I strongly believe that HIV/AIDS is wholly preventable if only we will take our choices seriously.
According to the authors, the ABC program in Uganda (Abstinence first, Be faithful next, and use Condoms only for those who cannot or will not choose the first two) has successfully turned the tide in the progression of AIDS. It all started in Africa, Uganda, a country with a Christian President, was already thinking this way with this program. In the hospital where I have my regular check up, the number of patients increased every year. As a matter of fact, last year's total number of patients has been more than doubled compared to 2006. Though I was diagnosed then, it was in 2007 when I became legally part of their list. What's really sad about this is that most of the newly diagnosed were very young like 18 or 19 years old only! What's make the situation worse is that, the non government organizations that give social support to us promote the use of condoms. There's nothing wrong with that if you're going to look at safety alone but for me, it's like encouraging them to still engage in to casual sex and it's just ok as long as you're protected by this man-made rubber. I have read from the bible, I just can't remember what chapter and verse in the old testament, God said that if people will turn their back away from Him and continue to sin He will create diseases that is not written on this book; so HIV is one of them most probably. Now that I have decided to walk in light with Jesus Christ, living a true Christian life is a must and engaging in casual sex is not part of it. The church in the Philippines seems so quiet with regards to this matter, that's why this is I want to promote; the Kingdom Living.
The Kingdom of God promises salvation and eternal life. As we repent of our sins and receive forgiveness we can leave our old life behind and step to His kingdom. It is a kingdom of righteousness where we receive the blessings of heaven on earth in exchange for our selfishness and our worldly values. Here we have the power of the Holy Spirit to enable us to change from worldly to kingdom values. No longer are we at the center of our world, which is very lonely and dangerous place. As we seek His kingdom and place Him at the center of our lives, so He promises that all the needs we worry so much about will be provided by a Father who knows exactly what we really need.
God's gift of sexuality was given for the purpose of procreation and recreation only. Recreation is the giving of intense and deep pleasure to one another with which we are bound in the relationship of one flesh by marriage, and not with all and sundry but only with our one flesh partner. If we are promiscuous, it is though the "one fleshness" becomes diluted. We seem to leave parts of our "inner selves" scattered in different places with many different people. Flee from sexual immorality. It says in 1 Corinthians 6:18-19, do you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God; therefore honoring God with your body. This is Kingdom Sexuality conforming Kingdom Living.
If we live God's way we will put God first. Matthew 6:33. Seek first the Kingdom of God. We will turn away from our sin, Matthew 3:2; repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is near. Follow Kingdom Sexuality by enjoying it with our marriage partner, 1 Corinthians 6:18; flee from sexual immorality.
For homosexuals like me, homosexual acts like same sex relationship is the sin and God hates the sin not the homosexuals. Through Jesus Christ, a gay can restore his sexuality into its original state and be an ex-gay. I'll talk more about it on my next post coz like I've said this is my spiritual warfare that I need to win all the time.
If we all live this way HIV/AIDS will stop and we can give the future generation a world without it. Kingdom Living is God's answer to HIV/AIDS.
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