Latest CD4 Count

The peak of my CD4 count since I started my ARV treatment back in June 2007 was 521 per ml of blood. After almost a year, it went down to 378 and then last November it plummeted to 294.


Honestly, I was a bit worried because it could be an indication that my drug regimen is not working anymore. But then I realized, I did not get sick for quite a long time and feel always healthy so probably my frequent travel and stress which are all work related might be the cause of this. I tried to get some good rest and my travel was lessened so I took the test again and I got the result last week.


Prayer really works and God has proven once again His faithfulness in me. My CD4 count has increased up to 457 which are very close to normal count of 500 and up! It's more than what I have expected. Also I took the other laboratory test I need to monitor regularly such as CBC, blood chemistry, FBS, uric acid, cholesterol, SGPT, SGOT, triglyceride and etc. and virtually all the result are within normal level!


It only means that I am now at the prime of my health praise the Lord and thank you God! Enough hours of sleep, good eating habits, regular work out and exercise, and nurturing spiritual needs while incessantly seeking God's presence truly works at its best!


Work-ministry-wise, not the answer I have expected from God but an opportunity to trust Him more! My contract will end this month and I was hoping and praying that it will be renewed after four or five months so I can study full time this semester. But last week, I was just informed that my contract is extended until September and another new contract will come after that. Not the way I planned it but it seems God has better plans for me than I do and all I can do is to trust Him even more. 


I can't help but be forever grateful and feel blessed to God Almighty!

Road Trip to Ilocos

Two weeks ago, my friends and I had a road trip to the northern part of the country. We visited Vigan in Ilocos Sur and Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte and it was my second trip since 2007 that was not a business or work trip. It's pure pleasure and relaxation. Funny because that first pleasure trip was in Davao in 2007 and as I write this blog, I am in Grand Men Seng Hotel in Davao City!



Five of my friends from the office and me first visited the historical Vigan City. It's been years since I dreamt of going to this place because I love very old places and stuff that speak origin and history. We went to Baluarte which is more like of a mini-zoo, then we had our first jump shot at the Bell Tower and finally we spent more time in my favorite Calle Crisologo, a place which will bring you to the old Spanish time because of the old structures. We had our dinner in one of the restaurants there and tasted the famous bagnet! I really love this place!


Next morning, we took a less than a couple of hours travel from Vigan to Laoag where we had our lunch and then travel for another hour and a half to Pagudpud. We first visited the Patapat Falls and Bridge, the Rock Formation and the Bato Cave and finally we took our swimming time at the Blue Lagoon.


Another jump shot was took at the Pagudpud road signage before going to the famous Bangui Windmills the following day. This was also a dream came true! Afterwards we travelled via tricycle to Kapurpurawan, another very beautiful rock formation where the rock itself and the ocean where it lies is simply breath taking! And finally, we have ended our trip in Pagudpud visiting the light house before traveling back to Laoag.


We missed Fort Ilocandia, Paoay Church and Sun Dunes in Laoag when we travelled back there where we took the bus going back to Manila. That's another reason to go back in this region and explore nearby places next time. This trip was another realization that my country is rich in beautiful places, culture and histories that we Filipinos can be proud of.


It's good to travel sometimes which the purpose is just to relax, enjoy the sceneries and appreciate God's wonderful creation. God is truly a God! Thank you for these blessings and for blessing this trip.

Holy Week 2012 Reflections & Revelations

Thank God for the six days long weekend holiday for me. It had given me time to really relax, get longer sleep, read a book, eat a lot but do exercise as always, play with my niece and nephew and do my favorite past time lately which is movie marathon! But the best of all, I was able to spend time with the Lord which was unfortunately pushed by my frustrations with my walk with Lord Jesus.

Last night I was browsing through the blog I have been following and I was so blessed with the article written and posted by Thorn of http://www.signsofastruggleblog.com entitled "The Line Between Almost and Always". I can actually relate when he said that as a child, Easter was an odd celebration because I felt the same way. But after celebrating the resurrection of Lord Jesus as a Christian for almost five years now, God gave me a different view and reflection on this most important event of our history. Christ died, defeated death and rose again. It is reality and not words, to save us as a demonstration of the greatest love of all! We all know this truth and believed.

As I reflected upon on the latest event of my journey with the Lord, it went beyond this reality I guess. With regards to my frustrations, for me God has not only conquered death. He also has shown to all especially to the enemy that He always win! He will do everything for His people to bring honor and glory to His precious name! It is never about us but it's all about Him!

So even if I make wrong choices or choose to follow myself, God's plan has not changed and will never change. He can turn the most disastrous event in my life and all the temptations which come always on my way, into something that will change me towards becoming the man that He wants me to be and at the same time will give glory and honor to Him!

As I continue my walk with Jesus Christ, I know I will continue to struggle with same sex attraction and sexual intimacy. I have failed or sinned a few times already this year and always plead to Him as I pray for forgiveness and total freedom. Last Wednesday night as I begged to God to help me and free from this bondage I cried and cried for several minutes and then have felt God's presence. He knows how much I have wanted to pursue holiness and obey Him without any doubts or questions but full trust. And I strongly believed in my heart that He assured me that very soon as I go to the point of dying to myself, there will be tears but also joy at the same time in honoring God with this death.

Additionally, the Lord clearly have spoken to me that Easter is not only about rising alone. But it also means finishing up this race God has called me for to finish by rising up again and again each time I fall and move forward till the end no matter what! God reminded me of this with Derek Redmond's video and story as I read "More Than Conquerors - A Call to Radical Discipleship" by Simon Guillebaud. I remember I was truly touched and have cried when I first saw its video and as I pictured in my mind whilst reading it from this book, I can't help but to cry again and I know its God! Derek got injured and was in great agony in the middle of the race at the 1996 Atlanta Olympic Games. He stopped running, but in excruciating pain did not drop out of the race. With the cheering of the crowd wondering if he could finish it, his trainer and Dad at the same time helped him and they made it together to the finishing line.

Just like Derek's father, Jesus is the only one who can help me to finish this race. Only Jesus is the one who knows what I have been through and what lies ahead. Similarly, Jesus comes alongside each of us to carry us the rest of the way as Guillebaud said. With His help, I will finish the race!

Now I am excited and recharged for the coming weeks and months knowing this assurance from the Lord! Die, rise again and finish the race.

35th Birthday and Chennai Trip

Before I left for Chennai, India a little more than two weeks ago to lead training on Channels of Hope (CoH) for the second time, my office closest friends surprised me with a birthday cake and balloons to celebrate my 35th birthday!

Honestly, I was not so keen on celebrating it. In fact I have hidden my birth date in almost all of my online accounts so nobody can remember. Well, my true friends knew when it is and still have received a lot of greetings and few gifts from them which I was so thankful about! It made me realized that these people are God's gift and His way of reminding me that I am surrounded by His love through all of them.

Perhaps I was just afraid a bit that I am officially on my mid 30's but still single with the same SSA or same-sex attraction struggle and have not accomplished so much. This could be the reason why I was not into celebrating it and was a bit grumpy that day. Nevertheless, I can say confidently that I am happy and contented with how's this God-given life going on and I believe that's the most important thing. Looking back exactly five years ago since I have celebrated my very first birthday with the Lord Jesus Christ, He has done a lot of great things in my life in spite of my unworthiness and in the midst of all my struggles. The past five years are more than enough to be grateful and happy about my 35 years of existence. Surely I have failed and sinned so many times either sexually, selfishly or pride-fully but will continue to press on and live under His amazing grace and testify!

Exactly that's what I did on this almost two weeks trip in Chennai! It was my first international trip this year and the Lord was there I can tell and will always be. Although the team have struggled a bit for we have not met the minimum target of participants, God led us in such a way that His name will still be honored and glorified in the end so thank you Lord!

We were able to visit and see a couple of beautiful tourist places near the area in Mahabalipuram and took some pictures from it. I also had a great time to work with old friends I have met the first time I came to this country and had a fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ from different parts of the world. Truly it was another wonderful and blessed trip!

Now I will be preparing for another CoH workshop with Logos Hope at Subic port later this month and perhaps for my fellow staff from the office. I remember a newly found friend asked me once if I face spiritual warfare before and after I testify about God's grace. Of course I said yes so I will be asking for your prayers my dear brothers and sisters who read and follow this online journal of mine. I really appreciate it. God is really awesome!

Channels of Hope at Logos Hope

This love month I have facilitated two Channels of Hope workshop, one in Cebu port and one in South Harbor Pier 15 through the sailing God's community of Logos Hope ship.

I got the opportunity to stay on board for two nights while in Cebu and it was really great. Not only I have met very nice people and made new friendships with them but God's presence was there I can tell! I believe the ship is anointed for I could not think of any sin which I struggle with the whole time I was there!

Anyway, the Logos Hope team and I had such a wonderful experience doing this HIV ministry in both ports. Participants have realized and accepted that HIV is real and a lot of things that they can do. They were touched through my personal experience which I willingly shared to them. Some felt God's presence and believed that God should be put first in everything, it made them recognized that God is good and challenges like this can makes us a stronger and better person as long as we surrender it to Him. For others, it opened their mind to the issue and opened their hearts to God. Some would like to undergo HIV testing. And one participant even said that he wants to put the Lord Jesus Christ in the center of his life! Clearly, this is no longer about HIV! It is now becoming a platform to show God's presence and His glory in the midst of this pandemic!

These are some of the amazing feedback and reflections we got from these two workshops! I am truly and simply grateful to God that He's the One who was exalted and got all the honor and glory He deserves for His goodness and faithfulness in my life! Thank you Lord Jesus.

Another one day workshop will be done once day dock at Subic port on March.

Fireproof

Have you seen this movie "Fireproof"? If not, you better get a copy and watch it. The film depicts on how a virtually lost marriage can be saved. It was very moving and inspiring!

Well, I can only say these things after watching it unintentionally last night and I even started at the half of the movie for I have seen it already two years ago. Since then for me, it was just a very great film for couples especially married couples with a very good soundtrack that lead me to write a blog about the song on May 2010.......until last night.

Seeing the husband wooing his wife just to save their marriage even though He's against it at first and ready to give up in the middle of the required 40 days as advised by his father for he's not receiving any response from the wife, until something happened inside of him which took him to go beyond 40 days, made me feel very emotional.

When they are finally together I cried again but it was the scene where the couple was renewing their vows that made me really weep! I felt like it was the Lord whispering to me saying, "That's how I love you my bride".

He is wooing me like that of the husband even I do not respond sometimes or whenever I choose going out with a guy I like instead of Him and that He will never stop pursuing me. Our "vow" or covenant with Jesus is always renewed every time I confess my sins, ask His forgiveness, accepts and continuously live under His amazing grace! With these revelations, I can't help but to weep so deeply thanking and praising the Lord!

It's been quite a while since I felt His strong presence like this and this time God has reminded me that our "marriage" is fireproof.

God's Promise for 2012

When I was still a very new Christian, I often hear words of promises from the Lord through the gifted prophet's prayer in our church. After more than four years, almost all of them have happened already except for one promise which I think will take a little bit more of time.

The promise of becoming a father (either spiritually or physically) is the only one left to still happen out of those promises I received a couple of years ago, a promise that I hold on to when I want to give up during times of failures and testing. In fact, this was the promise used by God to remind me when I was struggling over a virtual long term commitment / relationship back in December 2011. Anyway, this year I received another word from Him because I asked for it.

The Lord will take away the hardness in my heart. He will remove my stone heart and replace it with a flesh heart. He will turn me to a man after His own heart like King David. These are the words of His promise for me that all I can remember. The person who released it even asked me if I prayed this prayer then I remember that I have prayed once or twice nearly a little over two years ago that I want to be like David, a man after God's own heart.

God will break my heart with things that breaks His as I understood it and He will give me finally a wise and discerning heart! Clearly another promise where I can rest and hoped for in this journey with Christ!

All we got to do is ASK. Ask and He will answer, Seek and you will find and Knock and surely He will open the door!