Living Normally as HIV+

There are three things I would like to share regarding the title of this particular blog. First, more than three weeks ago, one of the persons who have founded our church needed blood donations to help him to survive as my Pastor announced right after the service (though eventually he died a few days later). Many have volunteered and to my surprise, about two people approached me and invited me to donate blood. I said I cannot do that for obvious reason! They have somewhat forgotten my HIV status! We laughed and they apologized......and it made me realized how people are treating me very normally!

Second, just last week, my close and closest friends from the office where I ended my contract gathered together and surprised me with a send off party! I just did not know how to react for it was truly unexpected. Before we began the food fellowship, each of them uttered heart warming messages and prayers. They were all a bit sad with my decision to leave hoping it is just temporary but at the same time happy for my new endeavor as a full time student. Another dream has just started to come into reality.....how normal is that!

Speaking of this new endeavor as a full time seminary / bible school student....lastly, let me share that finally it sank into me the fact that I am unemployed now and totally relying on the savings I have for my study. Honestly, it made me feel a little worried financially but then I realized this time it's different! I was in this situation before and it was a time before Christ came into my life but I have somehow survived.....now that I have Jesus I am even more confident that I have nothing to worry about for our God is a faithful God and He will always provide! I have proven that for more than a couple of years already during those times I was jobless. And now my days are beginning to get busy with assignments, reading, studying and I am kind of doing all these with joy in my heart, anticipation with new things to learn and excitement. This is called a normal and blessed student life!

"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; He makes my feet like the feet of a deer, He enables me to go on the heights." Habakkuk 3:19a.

Living with HIV is a life that can be lived normally, for the Lord Jesus Christ! 

End of Contract Means Full Time Schooling

The Lord answered my prayer after all. Previously I said that my contract was renewed but I got a message from my boss that there are some problems with the extension of my contract and project budget as well and he gave me an option to decide whether to continue or not and he will support me.

Since I have been praying to study full time even for one semester, I took it as His answer and opted not to continue and enroll all the subjects I can while waiting till a new contract is ready. Though honestly, a contract extension will be easy if it will have the same terms and conditions which partly made me to say no.

With my role as a regional project coordinator, I have been doing a unique role of using 50% of my time to the Philippine office and the other 50% to some countries in the Asia Pacific Region. This kind of setting means I have two managers and it requires me to make two reports regularly among other things. It was not easy but able to manage by God's grace. 

My manager in the region is very nice and very professional but here in the Philippines is relatively not. The other trusts and believes so much in me while the other thinks I am a bit arrogant or ambitious, did not know what I am doing as well as the mission and vision of the organization, and I am not doing my job at all which made me feel a bit awful and sad simply because these are not true.

Partly this is one reason why I opted not to continue even if I can. At first I thought it was immature, to avoid working with a manager who thinks of me like that. When I told this to one of the elders from our church, choosing not to work with someone who did not believe and trust in my abilities is just right. Also I am at peace with my decision because I am really excited to go back to school without a job getting in the way.

Studying full time to advance with many subjects I still have to finish is the main reason why I chose not to extend and let my contract ended. I spent my last two official days conducting a Channels of Hope (CoH) workshop for staff and partners and it was so great doing it for the second time with the doctor used by God to bring me back into His Kingdom! And now I am excited to enroll this coming week and go back fully to school!

God truly hear and answer our prayers uniquely! Looking forward now to accomplish great things when unemployed!

Latest CD4 Count

The peak of my CD4 count since I started my ARV treatment back in June 2007 was 521 per ml of blood. After almost a year, it went down to 378 and then last November it plummeted to 294.


Honestly, I was a bit worried because it could be an indication that my drug regimen is not working anymore. But then I realized, I did not get sick for quite a long time and feel always healthy so probably my frequent travel and stress which are all work related might be the cause of this. I tried to get some good rest and my travel was lessened so I took the test again and I got the result last week.


Prayer really works and God has proven once again His faithfulness in me. My CD4 count has increased up to 457 which are very close to normal count of 500 and up! It's more than what I have expected. Also I took the other laboratory test I need to monitor regularly such as CBC, blood chemistry, FBS, uric acid, cholesterol, SGPT, SGOT, triglyceride and etc. and virtually all the result are within normal level!


It only means that I am now at the prime of my health praise the Lord and thank you God! Enough hours of sleep, good eating habits, regular work out and exercise, and nurturing spiritual needs while incessantly seeking God's presence truly works at its best!


Work-ministry-wise, not the answer I have expected from God but an opportunity to trust Him more! My contract will end this month and I was hoping and praying that it will be renewed after four or five months so I can study full time this semester. But last week, I was just informed that my contract is extended until September and another new contract will come after that. Not the way I planned it but it seems God has better plans for me than I do and all I can do is to trust Him even more. 


I can't help but be forever grateful and feel blessed to God Almighty!

Road Trip to Ilocos

Two weeks ago, my friends and I had a road trip to the northern part of the country. We visited Vigan in Ilocos Sur and Pagudpud in Ilocos Norte and it was my second trip since 2007 that was not a business or work trip. It's pure pleasure and relaxation. Funny because that first pleasure trip was in Davao in 2007 and as I write this blog, I am in Grand Men Seng Hotel in Davao City!



Five of my friends from the office and me first visited the historical Vigan City. It's been years since I dreamt of going to this place because I love very old places and stuff that speak origin and history. We went to Baluarte which is more like of a mini-zoo, then we had our first jump shot at the Bell Tower and finally we spent more time in my favorite Calle Crisologo, a place which will bring you to the old Spanish time because of the old structures. We had our dinner in one of the restaurants there and tasted the famous bagnet! I really love this place!


Next morning, we took a less than a couple of hours travel from Vigan to Laoag where we had our lunch and then travel for another hour and a half to Pagudpud. We first visited the Patapat Falls and Bridge, the Rock Formation and the Bato Cave and finally we took our swimming time at the Blue Lagoon.


Another jump shot was took at the Pagudpud road signage before going to the famous Bangui Windmills the following day. This was also a dream came true! Afterwards we travelled via tricycle to Kapurpurawan, another very beautiful rock formation where the rock itself and the ocean where it lies is simply breath taking! And finally, we have ended our trip in Pagudpud visiting the light house before traveling back to Laoag.


We missed Fort Ilocandia, Paoay Church and Sun Dunes in Laoag when we travelled back there where we took the bus going back to Manila. That's another reason to go back in this region and explore nearby places next time. This trip was another realization that my country is rich in beautiful places, culture and histories that we Filipinos can be proud of.


It's good to travel sometimes which the purpose is just to relax, enjoy the sceneries and appreciate God's wonderful creation. God is truly a God! Thank you for these blessings and for blessing this trip.

Holy Week 2012 Reflections & Revelations

Thank God for the six days long weekend holiday for me. It had given me time to really relax, get longer sleep, read a book, eat a lot but do exercise as always, play with my niece and nephew and do my favorite past time lately which is movie marathon! But the best of all, I was able to spend time with the Lord which was unfortunately pushed by my frustrations with my walk with Lord Jesus.

Last night I was browsing through the blog I have been following and I was so blessed with the article written and posted by Thorn of http://www.signsofastruggleblog.com entitled "The Line Between Almost and Always". I can actually relate when he said that as a child, Easter was an odd celebration because I felt the same way. But after celebrating the resurrection of Lord Jesus as a Christian for almost five years now, God gave me a different view and reflection on this most important event of our history. Christ died, defeated death and rose again. It is reality and not words, to save us as a demonstration of the greatest love of all! We all know this truth and believed.

As I reflected upon on the latest event of my journey with the Lord, it went beyond this reality I guess. With regards to my frustrations, for me God has not only conquered death. He also has shown to all especially to the enemy that He always win! He will do everything for His people to bring honor and glory to His precious name! It is never about us but it's all about Him!

So even if I make wrong choices or choose to follow myself, God's plan has not changed and will never change. He can turn the most disastrous event in my life and all the temptations which come always on my way, into something that will change me towards becoming the man that He wants me to be and at the same time will give glory and honor to Him!

As I continue my walk with Jesus Christ, I know I will continue to struggle with same sex attraction and sexual intimacy. I have failed or sinned a few times already this year and always plead to Him as I pray for forgiveness and total freedom. Last Wednesday night as I begged to God to help me and free from this bondage I cried and cried for several minutes and then have felt God's presence. He knows how much I have wanted to pursue holiness and obey Him without any doubts or questions but full trust. And I strongly believed in my heart that He assured me that very soon as I go to the point of dying to myself, there will be tears but also joy at the same time in honoring God with this death.

Additionally, the Lord clearly have spoken to me that Easter is not only about rising alone. But it also means finishing up this race God has called me for to finish by rising up again and again each time I fall and move forward till the end no matter what! God reminded me of this with Derek Redmond's video and story as I read "More Than Conquerors - A Call to Radical Discipleship" by Simon Guillebaud. I remember I was truly touched and have cried when I first saw its video and as I pictured in my mind whilst reading it from this book, I can't help but to cry again and I know its God! Derek got injured and was in great agony in the middle of the race at the 1996 Atlanta Olympic Games. He stopped running, but in excruciating pain did not drop out of the race. With the cheering of the crowd wondering if he could finish it, his trainer and Dad at the same time helped him and they made it together to the finishing line.

Just like Derek's father, Jesus is the only one who can help me to finish this race. Only Jesus is the one who knows what I have been through and what lies ahead. Similarly, Jesus comes alongside each of us to carry us the rest of the way as Guillebaud said. With His help, I will finish the race!

Now I am excited and recharged for the coming weeks and months knowing this assurance from the Lord! Die, rise again and finish the race.

35th Birthday and Chennai Trip

Before I left for Chennai, India a little more than two weeks ago to lead training on Channels of Hope (CoH) for the second time, my office closest friends surprised me with a birthday cake and balloons to celebrate my 35th birthday!

Honestly, I was not so keen on celebrating it. In fact I have hidden my birth date in almost all of my online accounts so nobody can remember. Well, my true friends knew when it is and still have received a lot of greetings and few gifts from them which I was so thankful about! It made me realized that these people are God's gift and His way of reminding me that I am surrounded by His love through all of them.

Perhaps I was just afraid a bit that I am officially on my mid 30's but still single with the same SSA or same-sex attraction struggle and have not accomplished so much. This could be the reason why I was not into celebrating it and was a bit grumpy that day. Nevertheless, I can say confidently that I am happy and contented with how's this God-given life going on and I believe that's the most important thing. Looking back exactly five years ago since I have celebrated my very first birthday with the Lord Jesus Christ, He has done a lot of great things in my life in spite of my unworthiness and in the midst of all my struggles. The past five years are more than enough to be grateful and happy about my 35 years of existence. Surely I have failed and sinned so many times either sexually, selfishly or pride-fully but will continue to press on and live under His amazing grace and testify!

Exactly that's what I did on this almost two weeks trip in Chennai! It was my first international trip this year and the Lord was there I can tell and will always be. Although the team have struggled a bit for we have not met the minimum target of participants, God led us in such a way that His name will still be honored and glorified in the end so thank you Lord!

We were able to visit and see a couple of beautiful tourist places near the area in Mahabalipuram and took some pictures from it. I also had a great time to work with old friends I have met the first time I came to this country and had a fellowship with brothers and sisters in Christ from different parts of the world. Truly it was another wonderful and blessed trip!

Now I will be preparing for another CoH workshop with Logos Hope at Subic port later this month and perhaps for my fellow staff from the office. I remember a newly found friend asked me once if I face spiritual warfare before and after I testify about God's grace. Of course I said yes so I will be asking for your prayers my dear brothers and sisters who read and follow this online journal of mine. I really appreciate it. God is really awesome!

Channels of Hope at Logos Hope

This love month I have facilitated two Channels of Hope workshop, one in Cebu port and one in South Harbor Pier 15 through the sailing God's community of Logos Hope ship.

I got the opportunity to stay on board for two nights while in Cebu and it was really great. Not only I have met very nice people and made new friendships with them but God's presence was there I can tell! I believe the ship is anointed for I could not think of any sin which I struggle with the whole time I was there!

Anyway, the Logos Hope team and I had such a wonderful experience doing this HIV ministry in both ports. Participants have realized and accepted that HIV is real and a lot of things that they can do. They were touched through my personal experience which I willingly shared to them. Some felt God's presence and believed that God should be put first in everything, it made them recognized that God is good and challenges like this can makes us a stronger and better person as long as we surrender it to Him. For others, it opened their mind to the issue and opened their hearts to God. Some would like to undergo HIV testing. And one participant even said that he wants to put the Lord Jesus Christ in the center of his life! Clearly, this is no longer about HIV! It is now becoming a platform to show God's presence and His glory in the midst of this pandemic!

These are some of the amazing feedback and reflections we got from these two workshops! I am truly and simply grateful to God that He's the One who was exalted and got all the honor and glory He deserves for His goodness and faithfulness in my life! Thank you Lord Jesus.

Another one day workshop will be done once day dock at Subic port on March.