Seventh on the Thirteenth

Thirteenth day of this month, twelve days on Christmas seven years ago when I gave my life to Christ and have decided to follow and live in submission to Him by His grace and stubborn love.

Virtually each year around this time, the Lord has never failed in revealing to me about His character and indeed He has shown me something very unexpected and surprising exactly on the day that marked my seventh spiritual birth year as a Christian. It is more of a mystery of who He is and the way He works on the lives of people, specifically with my life.

"Mysteriously for some reasons, God can use even the sin situation of a person to bring healing on a certain degree to another person who are also in the same sin situation." 

Astonishingly, this is a very unique revelation the Lord has shown to me that day. And in the midst of the struggles especially the specific CROSS that God has asked me to take each day of this second chance in life He has given me, this remarkable revelation that happened particularly on THIS DAY encourages me to keep holding on to the real source of LIFE the Lord Jesus Christ even there were a lot of times already that I was ready to walk away from HIM. Yes there have been so many times that I just simply want to give up and not continue this walk with Jesus most especially each time I fail Him from the very thing that He asked me to yield…the same sex activities…and this time I did it again out of killing curiosity. Nowadays young and not so young people are getting hooked not just into sex but sex with drugs either E (ecstasy) or Ice (which is actually shabu that is injected or smoked) and they call it party with an e (so partee) and play or pnp for short. And if you are using ice, it is slam partee, which I have tried. Perhaps you are wondering and asking, “Why? You’re a Christian you should not be doing that! What made you do so?” Honestly, I was asking myself the same questions too after I have reflected on it as I endure the emotional and physical pain afterwards. Aside from curiosity that usually leads virtually everyone into any kind of sin, the grave reason was my unconscious frustrations or anger with God about my situation in the past few months such as unanswered prayers, financial challenges and not seeing things happening the way I have expected it. Obviously it was an act of rebellion on my part that led me to some reflective insights.

As I shared this awful sin to few friends not only to confess but to ask for prayers as well, one of them asked me if I had a moment of asking myself in the middle of sinning the question “what am I doing?” I said I did actually but I just ignored it only to be answered by God Himself. This is where that revelation I was referring to took place. Towards the end of that sinning, the guy I was doing it with suddenly has experienced a flashback of his life from the beginning up to the present, which made him broke down. He thought God showed him how is he destroying his life and relationships. Emotionally, he shared the repeated sexual abused he experienced from his yaya when he was young that turned him later on to be gay according to his narrative, how his relationship to his family went from good to bad, and how this partee-ing is destructing his young life. It was a wake up call for him and he has to stop right after us. All throughout I just listened and then encourage him at the end to go for that change and start rebuilding his relationships. He told me that it was his first time to share those hurts and his life to someone. Still having the effect of the drug, I was able to set it aside just to listen and minister to him! Who would have thought that it was even possible! God has twisted the situation for our favor and for His glory for my sin situation was used by Him to bring healing (by intent listening) on a certain degree to this person who was in the same sin situation. We were both grateful to each other after and I was even ashamed but yet more thankful to God for what He has done. Truly God’s grace is amazing! This was one of those rare moments that I have realized how amazing His grace really is and how stubborn, how wide, deep, and how high His love is for us…sinners. I texted him after a week and he told me he is really decided to alter the course of his life for the better so I am keeping him in my prayers.

Perhaps for some, this may sound absurd and foolish and I am also thinking the same thing for I was under the influence of drug. But even after my recovery, I believe in my heart that this was how God has revealed things to me out of this mishap that I got myself into. I maybe have grown in the Lord after seven years and indeed have been too hard on myself with this CROSS. I am not using this as an excuse but where I am coming out of from is an addiction and it is certainly hard and will continue to be for me to deny myself with the desire constantly…at least according to my therapist. It is only through the power of Christ and His grace that I will be able to do it.

So yes I am a CHRISTIAN but honestly I still struggle with SINS. But may the Lord continue to use the SINFULNESS and IMPERFECTIONS in and of me for His purpose as I choose to continue to walk on this journey and live this calling.

Merry Christmas to everyone!