(October 4, 2017)I thought of writing these thoughts or realizations in life in celebration of my ten years journey with the Lord. For the reason that after all these thoughts have happened, I thought I would feel or think what I thought I would feel or think before they happened. Unfortunately, most of the time I was wrong. So here we go.
I thought when I finished college, I will be successful.
I thought if I landed a good-paying job, I will be rich.
I thought if I am able to help my family, I will be fully happy.
I thought when I quit my job, I will be a businessman.
I thought when I pursued my dreams, I will be fulfilled.
I thought if I have lots of money, I can do and buy anything.
I thought when I am old enough, I know more than enough.
I thought if I am older enough, I can conquer the world.
I thought if I tried everything, there will be no regrets.
I thought when I embraced and live who I really am, I will be free.
I thought when I was diagnosed with HIV, my life has ended.
I thought I could ignore it, but I could not.
I thought I could kill myself, but I could not.
I thought God is simply up there.
I thought all Christians are self-righteously judgmental.
I thought all Christians are nice and good.
I thought God does not talk to us.
I thought a human can only love you for what you have.
I thought Christ-like love is impossible.
I thought when I have sinned and sinned, I will be unforgiven.
I thought when I failed, it will be the end of it.
I thought there will be no life after HIV.
I thought I would not be able to travel.
I thought I know myself already.
I thought I could not speak in public and teach.
I thought the Bible was boring and hard to understand.
I thought I am done with studying.
I thought I am done with master’s degree.
I thought another professional license was not going to happen.
I thought putting up a counseling center is just a dream.
I thought living freely is a fantasy.
I thought 24 years ago, I will be married and have children by this time.
I thought I believe in a miracle, not until I experienced it myself.
I thought when I was a child, a 40-year old man is really old.
I thought when I reached 40, I am really and will look old.
I thought aspirations and dreams are for young people.
I thought when I finished my studies, I will stop learning.
I thought when you get older, life is much easier.
I thought it is impossible to attain joy and contentment.
I thought I would not be happy.