Now @ Wordpress

Maintaining two blogs is not practical. I believe most of you would agree. The reason for my transfer to WordPress is the new venture, which I believe God has called me. 

Blogspot is where I had started pouring out my thoughts and emotions when I was rising from rock bottom. Since then, so many things had happened that I am very grateful for. From an HIV patient to being a peer counselor and educator to becoming a local and Asia HIV facilitator, to being a pastoral counselor, and now nearing to obtain my Ph.D. degree as a mental health professional. It has been 12 years in my journey here.

The last post I have here before this one is about my new e-book. It is the new platform I believe the Lord has called me to do at this point in my journey with Him. At first, my motivation was to have an extra source of income. However, my expectation when it comes to sales did not happen. God has made me realized that my motivation is not noble enough. I, too, believe it was kind of selfish. I have come to realize this as soon as I was writing my second e-book. 

I had prayed early this year that He gives me a platform where I can share the knowledge, experiences, learning, and skills I have acquired from either out or in-formal schooling or training. In short, everything I have learned in life that God will lead me to share. When I came across this e-book idea middle of this year, my heart is at peace when I tried starting writing and began watching webinars to educate myself on how to do it.

Thus, to make my content relevant and focus, I have decided to make another one dedicated to this. And yet, I will keep sharing my thoughts, feelings, and new endeavors that are aligned to the theme of my writings. That is being true to yourself. Hence, I called my new website or blog, Simply TRY or Simply The Really You. It is the first step towards mental wellness. Being the real you include all your experiences in life, both good and bad. It is where the tag line "Every Experience Matters" came from. Because it is the truth, take it from a long-term HIV survivor like me and now, a mental health practitioner. Sometimes, I do psychotherapy, but more often, I do counseling and psycho-educational workshops to my clients.

So, to all my dear followers here, please kindly visit my new website through the link below. Do not forget to follow me there and like my post. Thank you for journeying with me here fellow pilgrims. May God bless us all. Soli Deo Gloria!

https://simplytrytherealyou.wordpress.com/

Wellness And Waiting Season

Are you wondering when your situation that seemingly hampers your once active life is going to end? Like a quarantine due to a pandemic caused by Covid-19, are you waiting longer than you have expected for it to be lifted and the virus disappear? Are you waiting uncertainly for something in your life? Does this long waiting drag you down that it makes you feel hopeless or lonely? Then, this book is for you. Waiting does not have to be a burden. You can turn things around and make things happened while waiting!

All of us are in waiting situations only differently. Perhaps you are waiting for the right job opportunity, waiting for a call on a job interview, or simply waiting to get in the workplace again after some time. While people are waiting for the right person to be in a relationship with, some are waiting for their annulment or divorce to be finalized. We wait for a storm to pass, natural or personal. Of course, these are examples of major waiting in life.

You can buy this eBook by clicking the link below. Thank you for the purchase! Use the 25% discount by sharing and referrals. Enjoy reading and be blessed.

https://payhip.com/b/rEgn

(Originally posted at the website below.)

https://simplytrytherealyou.wordpress.com/

Awakening Desire

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That was the title of the book I just finished reading. It is about encountering the Divine Feminine in the Masculine Christian journey. My former professor gave me this copy, her latest book, perhaps as her way of thanking me for allowing her to include one of my journals as a requirement during my class with her. The content of this book could possibly create some controversies for some especially those who considered themselves conformist. Nevertheless, we got to respect every person’s experience particularly if that experience is about encountering God. Well, my own experience is cited here.

Becoming a part of one of the chapters of Dr. Irene Alexander’s work is truly an honor and a privilege. I felt so blessed. I really appreciate the way she has quoted what I said. This book made me feel that God is truly incomprehensible or beyond our finite mind can understand. And yet, we are called to trust Him even more. Yes, it has moved me to trust Him even more and let go of the stereotypes and concepts I unconsciously have towards God. I guess, I have to read the Bible more and really spend more time digging and reflecting upon His words, which is a bit of a challenge nowadays honestly. So, what desire will or should be awakened? I surmise this is it...to seek more of an intimacy with Him. That is the desire to know God more through seeking His presence and staying in it. That is the desire to get to know Him through reading, studying, reflecting, and allowing His words to speak to me while abandoning myself in Him completely.

Additionally, I have understood more the "liminal experience" she has introduced us years ago through the life of men she has presented in here. For legalistic Christians, this experience is termed “backsliding”, not really a good word if I may add. Simply because I believe that every experience we have both good and bad will all contribute to our transformation. Similarly, God has allowed or ordained some awful things, including sins, to happen. For what? Eventually, all for His glory. Through this book, I have come to realize I did not have to be too hard on myself when it comes to the cross that the Lord Jesus has asked me to carry virtually 11 years ago. My SSA and the remnants of my sexual abuse (which I have unexpectedly discovered recently) and the struggle of sexual addiction (which I also have "discovered" or more have accepted lately) are possibly huge areas of my life that the Lord will do a lot in terms of healing and dealing with my sexual brokenness.

This book came in at the right moment. I have been struggling a lot about my “crosses” lately with no one to turn to and talk about it. However, I thank God for our mandated personal psychotherapy as a postgraduate student. At least initially, I was able to cry out to God through my therapist the pain of these recent discoveries about myself. But I can feel there’s more. What truly important is that, yes, “Awakening Desire” has awakened my desire to encounter God more than ever. As Charles H. Spurgeon said, “Great hearts can only be made by great troubles.”

Good or God?

“Great hearts can only be made by great troubles.” - Charles H. Spurgeon

That was exactly how my heart felt as I read and finished the book "Good or God: Why Good Without God Isn’t Enough" by John Bevere. I have to say that not only I can relate to virtually every page of this book. But also, I strongly believe God has spoken to me a few times! I was positively disturbed and moved to pray and call out to Him upon revelations after revelations. The answers to most of my "why's?" have been discovered in here. I was amazed how it felt like as if God Himself was speaking to me as I read through the pages. It was like..." see my son, this is all you have to do..." The meaning of GOOD, GRACE, and most importantly the FEAR of the LORD...these three things came into the light like WHOA! YES! LORD! My heart was positively TROUBLED and yet JOYFUL! There were accumulation and accommodation of new and true meaning of these three things! Through Mark 8:34-35, the Lord spoke to me to give up my gay life and desires. Since then, it has become the "cross" I have to take up and carry each day until today. That's where the enemy always attack me as I speak the truth about this issue including HIV&AIDS to churches and Christian communities. There were times I have wanted to give up. STRUGGLE is REAL! However, through my church and closest friends in the ministry, I was able to hang on and continue this journey with the Lord Jesus Christ. For going back is never an option. A long time ago, I have come to realize that apart from God I am nothing. Thus, there's no point of going back but to keep holding on and move forward with the Lord Jesus. 

Now, learning or seeing GRACE as an empowerment has empowered me already! This is not just a saving amazing grace. This is the meaning when God told Paul that His grace is sufficient. Because the grace itself is the power that helps us in our weaknesses. What seems impossible for us is very possible with God through the power of His amazing grace! So, giving ALL to God is possible! For as Christ follower and a believer, it has to be ALL of our life...or NOTHING. God wants all and not just a portion of us. That’s why He is a jealous God! And it is for our own good, for His love for us!

I believed I have received this book as a gift last month in a very perfect timing. Reading it was like the second wind from the Lord for me. Moreover, I realized I was very gentle in loving our “neighbors” that I fail to share the message completely! That speaking the truth through warnings, rebuking and encouraging in love was also an eye-opener for me! I was CONVICTED! The way I teach and speak the message will now definitely change to include these elements with love.

Truly, what appears good, pleasant, and desirable for men maybe not good for God. Everything from God is good, but not everything good is from God. I suggest you get a copy and read this book. Some of your questions with your journey with the Lord could find some answers here. God bless.

New Reality, New Opportunity, and A New Confirmation

A few years ago, while I was still working for this NGO, I have seen myself as speaker delivering a message for one of the devotions for the staff and colleagues. I did not realize that this would become a reality after Easter Sunday when I got invited to share the miracle healing the Lord has done to me earlier this year that Monday. This has become the platform God has planned for me to share His goodness and faithfulness in the midst of pain and affliction. “Embracing the Pain: A Way to God’s Miracle” was the title of the message that the Lord has impressed in my heart to share, which now has been turned into a manuscript for a possible introductory book for me as a new author. My mentor in writing suggested this and I thought it was a good idea before publishing a “raw” story about my life journey in finding Christ. People were amazed and blessed by the simple message I have imparted and my prayer is that, if ever this will be published, readers would feel the same and be more inspired to hold on to their pain.

What happened next was truly unexpected! Someone like me, a novice in writing with only one published very short article, has received an invitation to be one of the seven writers for this book project intended for young men! It was a new opportunity for me to showcase, not only my writing ability (if I really do have), but also my experiences in seven different topics in life such as relationship, career, leadership, finances, sex, relationship with God, and most importantly (at least for me) my advocacy with HIV&AIDS under the topic of engaging the world. Moreover, I took this new opportunity, not only as a privilege, but also as a new confirmation to this new career in writing. I still can’t believe that this is happening! My prayer is that…everything I would write and be published will reach and touch many hearts in a different and unimaginable ways.

Still in connection with the miraculous healing God has demonstrated, I got this invitation to preach to a small church in Pasig. The pastor is a very good friend of mine and was truly blessed and touched how the Lord has been and still working through my life. She specifically asked me to share the story God has accomplished with my life. Gratefully, God was praised not only for His goodness but also for the “good looks” He has given me, which was endlessly admired by virtually all the members hahaha! Very funny indeed!

My first CoH workshop for this year happened, which has become one the memorable and funniest batch I have ever handled! One thing to be noted is that, the director of the NGO that hosted the event has participated and this has never happened before! HIV&AIDS is one of his advocacies alongside with the LGBT.

Also I have conducted a workshop on understanding SSA with this church in Mandaluyong and it was one of the most relaxed, boldest, and honest sharing I have done in doing this work for the Lord. As I reflected on the event that evening, I struggled with the thought that I might have been too honest…this was the question about my last sexual fall, which I have admitted that it happened last year. I refused to lie and answered it carefully; from the very beginning I have been honest for I am not your typical convert who never fails. I have been honest always with God and with the few people I am accountable with. Still…all by the grace of God that I remained in Him! Definitely not proud of my sins, but it is a reality and a part of my journey with Jesus.

Finally, I was able to attend a conference for Guidance Counselors in Cavite, which has earned us CPE points for our license! More important than that was the reunion with my friends and former classmates from the graduate school as well as the new learning we acquired from the speakers. It was a good event!

Despite of these “busyness”, the spiritual warfare (with my SSA and other issues) goes on. Please continue to pray for me, in thoughts I often lost it and also in my heart, in action…hmmm yeah sometimes I still do (self-releasing) as I have mentioned already. On the other hand, these bring me to kneel down more, pray more, be discontented more with these struggles, and cry out more…but I need prayers…so thanks a lot…really appreciate it folks! God bless. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy, have inner peace, and contented with the life God has given me. Everything is just a part of this journey that helped me to grow and know God more…so till next time dear. :)

HIV&AIDS Month

Yes I know HIV&AIDS months are supposed to be May for AIDS Candle Light Memorial Day, which is annually being done every third Sunday of the said month; and December for World AIDS Day. But for me the past month was all about HIV&AIDS for the following reasons.

During the second week of October, I went to Bacolod City to conduct an HIV&AIDS Symposium for a day. The University of St. LaSalle entitled their activity “Age Does Not Matter But AIDS Does” wherein the college of my friend and colleague where he teaches organized the said event and have attended the symposium. Approximately 200 students including from other departments or colleges have participated and learned. In addition to basic facts and information on HIV&AIDS, they also have heard my life story and some practical information on dealing with the LGBT community. It was an amazing experience to talk before these young people and have become a blessing.

Just a few days before the break for All Saints and All Souls Day, together with my friends and colleagues in the CoH ministry and RedHAT, I have conducted a half-day HIV&AIDS seminar for PCEC – NYC sector or National Youth Commission’s pastors, leaders and church workers. In this learning event, which was spearheaded by the Micah Challenge group, many were touched, inspired, challenged, moved, and blessed simply by listening from what God has done through my life as I shared. Similar with the USLS students, it also opened an opportunity for these people to discuss and do something about the issue of homosexuality or same-sex attraction (SSA) to their own communities.

Although I must say that the highlight for me was when somebody asked me about a book I have written, which I still do not have!  It was a sign I have asked from God that it is indeed His will for me to write a book about His story that He has written and still writing through my life! I guess this is it and now I have no choice but to plan and begin writing the manuscript. Just the thought of it excites me and I am going to ensure that this new venture will honor and glorify the Lord. The question is, will I use my pen name “Dr. El Roi” like the other authors or my real name? What do you think my dear readers?

Supernatural Destiny

It has been quite a while since I have posted a review about the book I just have finished reading and this one by Don Nori Sr. is about a journey of faith as we answer God’s call in our life. Through his work there is one thing I have realized as I continue on living for Jesus and that is the necessity of brokenness. Below are the exact words I have excerpted from this book.

Most people believe that once they have heard the call of God and are certain of His leading, the rest of the journey will be very easy and He will take them to new heights and exciting dreams. Well there’s a truth in this but still could be further from the actual reality. The stronger the leading of the Lord, the more difficult the journey will certainly be. The early days of this “supernatural destiny” involve times of introspection, of a deep inner conflict of attitudes and actions that fight against the presence of God in our life. Therefore, the biggest lesson I have learned and still learning is humility and brokenness, coming to the realization that the thing that we have been called to do is much, much bigger than we could ever fulfill ourselves. Thus, we enter the process of brokenness. Of course, it took me years to learn this and like I have said I am still learning and getting the hang of it.

How I conduct myself in the everyday world is every bit as essential as the thing we are called to do. Through openness and desire to accomplish His will, I just have realized that brokenness is actually a part of this calling and is a lifetime process hence, a companion for life. For brokenness continually reminds us of who we are apart from Jesus. It helps us keep our success in perspective. It continuously reminds us of the pit from which we were removed. Brokenness is truly faithful in keeping our lives and our popularity under the Lordship of Jesus.

If you are honest with yourself, and if you allow honesty, repentance, and forgiveness to be part of your life, you will discover that brokenness comes alongside you as a very powerful safeguard against pride, judgments to others, temptations, and self-righteousness including words of those who may deceive you, all of which will certainly corrupt the work that God has given you. The circumstances that brokenness leads us into will continuously point out places within us that require attention and, ultimately, repentance, which is what we need instead of sorrow or remorse. Brokenness is faithful to us in situations that bring these fleshly roadblocks to light until we wrestle with them in the quiet solitude of our prayer lives. Brokenness knows that unless issues in personality, sin, and attitude adjustments are made, the end of our destiny is certain, and our lives end in shipwreck, sorrow, and much pain.

Personally, I am very conscious of my weaknesses. Regret is difficult to leave behind even after you repent. It is much easier for God to forgive me than it is for me to forgive myself. We handle our struggles and weaknesses differently (denial, justification, using scriptures, etc.) but it is better to confess to the Lord who we are, what we are, and how we have failed Him. That is why I was very glad to learn the importance of humility in following Christ. Honesty grants true forgiveness and release His power to give you strength and freedom over temptation. When we do not cover up our sin before God, He will cover us. When we conceal our sin before the Lord, we leave Him no alternative but to uncover it, sometimes even before man thus, accountability. 

Brokenness strives to deal with the hidden sin and will always come to us in the quiet of our own prayer life for God speaks through it concerning the issues that we have in life. In my experience with my SSA struggles and other sins, He gently urges me to a place of repentant sorrow and change. Then His mercy enters and allows brokenness to expose my weaknesses in a very real way. All these make this journey a lonely path somehow but the few people whom God has brought into my life alleviates this loneliness and praise God for them. For they are the ones whom I can bare my heart and my soul and tell them anything without fear of judgment, they are the ones whom I can be me in success and failure and in good times and hard times. They are God’s covering for me, the intercessors who walk with me in this calling…my supernatural destiny!

These realizations made me grateful to God once again for my struggles and brokenness. 1 Peter 1:3-8.

Suffering and the Sovereignty of God

John Piper and Justin Taylor are the general editors of this wonderful book, which is mostly a collection of now polished talks given at a certain conference by the other six contributors including Joni Eareckson Tada. I got this as a token from Logos Hope through my German brother in Christ and good friend when he invited me a couple of months back as one of the speakers in the CoH workshop. And I was so glad to have and read this book for it gave me a better and brighter view on suffering and God’s sovereignty not to mention that He has spoken to me through some few chapters, which truly touched my heart and brought me to tears, and led me to really pray. I am beginning to be convinced that book is the Lord’s favorite means when He wants to speak to me personally.

Whenever something terrible happens to us, more often than not, we ask ourselves or God Himself the question, “why me?”  Well, I asked this question when I got infected with HIV and when I became a Christian, I asked the same question with my homosexual struggles. Why not ask the other way around like, “why not me?” Surely, nothing bad or evil can come from God but He can ordain or allow it to happen like what happened to Job. Somehow I am already aware of this fact but it was strengthen more by this book and see pains, suffering, sickness, poverty, child abuse of all forms and other difficulties in this world a new light. For obvious reason in my case, I got to know the Lord Jesus Christ through HIV but the tussle really came when I struggled about calling it a blessing or a gift so allow me to share some of the important knowledge I have learned from Piper and his colleagues.

In my five years and six months journey with Jesus, He has shown me God’s sovereignty on everything as in ALL things in this world including ALL the good and the bad things for such work altogether for good to those who believes in Him (Rom. 8:28). C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.” Clearly in my deafness, God used HIV to call me for His kingdom.

The reality and depth of pain are in the Bible but also we can find in it, hope, hope for the pain and suffering. Most importantly, we are all able to get through all these pain and hardships by and through the amazing grace of God. His grace is abounding and overflowing not during the good times but during suffering, pain and struggles. In my case, Lord’s grace is overflowing each time I fall and be able to get down on my knees, pray and ask for forgiveness and strength. God can raise us out of our hopelessness and meet suffering in His terms in the same way we can meet joy in His terms and not ours so that we can pass hope on to others like what I do in “channels of hope” ministry. Why? All these, HIV&AIDS, homosexual or SSA struggle, all other sins such as pride, selfishness, disobedience, hardships, calamities, sickness, and all the evil things in this world whether it is caused by our own sinfulness or it just happened despite of our obedience to Him, had happened so that you and I would rely not on (myself) but on God who raises the dead (2 Cor. 1:9).

Piper talked about not wasting a cancer for that was the suffering he experienced so I replaced this with HIV and homosexual struggle as I read it. I believe that God can heal me physically, by medicine or miracle, as well as my sexual brokenness so it is right to pray for both healing. HIV&AIDS is not wasted when God heals it for He gets the glory, that’s why HIV&AIDS exists. If not healed, God still gets the glory if we will only cling on to Him because by His grace He will sustain us.

HIV and SSA sharpen my awareness of how thoroughly God has already and always been at work in every detail of my life. If you are following this blog, you are a witness of this. In the testing ground of evils, our faith becomes deep and real, and our love becomes purposeful and wise (Powlison).

Satan designs to kill and destroy us, and our love for Christ but God designs to deepen our love for Christ. HIV&AIDS does not win if I die; it wins if I fail to cherish Christ. Satan meant it for evil but God meant it for good (Gen. 50:20, Piper). A great, life-threatening illness like HIV or life-threatening weakness can prove amazingly freeing. Nothing is left for me to do except to be loved by God and others, and to love God and others (Powlison).

My HIV is not a waste for I believe it was designed (or ordained) for me and led me to seek comfort from God, think about death, cherish Christ and deepen my relationship with Jesus, treat sin like never before, have hope, and use it as a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ. Finally, therefore, I have fully accepted that HIV may seem to be a curse at first but now that God has turned it into a blessing, I am now okay to call it a gift. The blessing comes in what God does for us, with us, and through us. He brings His great and merciful redemption onto the stage of the curse (Powlison) like what He has done to me. I made my greatest advances in holiness on the hardest days of my life. It brings me to His presence, not to be sinless but to sin less, which makes suffering (like my SSA, sexual and other struggles in life) meant to wean me from sin and strengthen my faith. This thought made me most satisfied in Him where He is most glorified as Taylor said.

I was so blessed by Piper’s conclusion for it was my sentiment so allow me to end this entry with that.

“God, if you love your glory infinitely and you are more glorified in me when I am more satisfied in you, and my sin is being manifest by the slowness of my being satisfied in you totally, then it must be that the struggle that I am having with my own sin will somehow in someway cause me to be more satisfied in you. Someday, I’ll look back on my own sin when I’m in heaven and say, ‘How could such grace have carried on with me?’ and I’ll love His grace more than I ever would have, had I made progress more quickly.”

That’s terribly dangerous to say for it might lead us to sin more but the Bible has warned us to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. And everyday that we fail, be in our face giving thanks to the cross of Christ.

If someone will ask, “Why there are so much suffering and why the process of sanctification so slow?” It is because we (and the whole world) are so evil but God is sovereign. He can do whatever He wants for His glory for He is God.

If you want more, get and read this book and be blessed. Shalom!