D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Monday, September 10, 2018

Still Active

Yes, to all who follow this online blog or journal of mine please bear with me. Currently, I am in the middle of my post-graduate studies. It's what keeps me busy most of the time on top of the psycho-education and counseling ministries I have been doing. 

So, this is still active and I intend to keep it that way. Expect that I will definitely write an entry again if there is something significant, like a milestone, that has happened. God remains faithful, merciful, and gracious in the midst of this amazing journey of life with the Lord Jesus Christ. Keep the faith, hold on no matter what, and keep moving forward. God bless us all.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Good or God?


“Great hearts can only be made by great troubles.” - Charles H. Spurgeon

Image result for good or god john bevereThat was exactly how my heart felt as I read and finished the book "Good or God: Why Good Without God Isn’t Enough" by John Bevere. I have to say that not only I can relate to virtually every page of this book. But also, I strongly believe God has spoken to me a few times! I was positively disturbed and moved to pray and call out to Him upon revelations after revelations. The answers to most of my "why's?" have been discovered in here. I was amazed how it felt like as if God Himself was speaking to me as I read through the pages. It was like..." see my son, this is all you have to do..." The meaning of GOOD, GRACE, and most importantly the FEAR of the LORD...these three things came into the light like WHOA! YES! LORD! My heart was positively TROUBLED and yet JOYFUL! There were accumulation and accommodation of new and true meaning of these three things! Through Mark 8:34-35, the Lord spoke to me to give up my gay life and desires. Since then, it has become the "cross" I have to take up and carry each day until today. That's where the enemy always attack me as I speak the truth about this issue including HIV&AIDS to churches and Christian communities. There were times I have wanted to give up. STRUGGLE is REAL! However, through my church and closest friends in the ministry, I was able to hang on and continue this journey with the Lord Jesus Christ. For going back is never an option. A long time ago, I have come to realize that apart from God I am nothing. Thus, there's no point of going back but to keep holding on and move forward with the Lord Jesus. 
Now, learning or seeing GRACE as an empowerment has empowered me already! This is not just a saving amazing grace. This is the meaning when God told Paul that His grace is sufficient. Because the grace itself is the power that helps us in our weaknesses. What seems impossible for us is very possible with God through the power of His amazing grace! So, giving ALL to God is possible! For as Christ follower and a believer, it has to be ALL of our life...or NOTHING. God wants all and not just a portion of us. That’s why He is a jealous God! And it is for our own good, for His love for us!
I believed I have received this book as a gift last month in a very perfect timing. Reading it was like the second wind from the Lord for me. Moreover, I realized I was very gentle in loving our “neighbors” that I fail to share the message completely! That speaking the truth through warnings, rebuking and encouraging in love was also an eye-opener for me! I was CONVICTED! The way I teach and speak the message will now definitely change to include these elements with love.
Truly, what appears good, pleasant, and desirable for men maybe not good for God. Everything from God is good, but not everything good is from God. I suggest you get a copy and read this book. Some of your questions with your journey with the Lord could find some answers here. God bless.

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Now That I Am Forty-ish


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One year and four decades, I still could not believe that I have reached this age a few days ago. I have said it before and I will say it again. I have lived longer than I have expected. Thus, I am in awe and speechless before our life-giver. Giving thanks is simply not enough. However, I am and will always be forever grateful to the ever loving Lord Jesus Christ.

According to V. R. Risner, a contributor writer for desringgod.com, “Don’t waste your suffering, for it will be the making of your faith. And one day, you will be grateful for it all.” This is entirely true in my God-given life. Moreover, I realized that my epic failure more than a decade ago was a huge gift. Chuck Swindoll said, “Strength and courage are developed during a trial, not after it's over. Waiting on God is essential.” And the strength and courage I have today came from such trials and sufferings. By the grace of God, I am what I am today, getting older but gradually becoming a better version of myself. From one of my favorite movies “Kingsman - The Secret Service”, Gallahad said that true nobility is the superiority of your former self. In this context, I may not be that superior from my former self but I believe I am crawling towards becoming the man whom God wants me to be.

Please PARDON ME, for those people who have issues with photos like this one I have posted. I just turned forty-one. Just looking back a long time ago and looking into myself now, all I can say is, “Wow, with God nothing really is impossible.” I never thought that I could maintain that young looks and a healthy body despite my situation and everything I have been through. And again, when I was young, I thought that a 40-ish man is quite old. Now that I have reached this age, I can say that I was totally wrong. I still feel (and I believe) I look young.

Therefore, thank you Lord for the gift of life and for a life that is so blessed. Truly, I am grateful for the gift of contentment and satisfaction in you. Thank you, Lord, for the call of living a life with meaning and purpose through Christ our Lord and Saviour...all for your honor and glory.

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Forty “@40 I Thoughts” @10


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(October 4, 2017)
I thought of writing these thoughts or realizations in life in celebration of my ten years journey with the Lord. For the reason that after all these thoughts have happened, I thought I would feel or think what I thought I would feel or think before they happened. Unfortunately, most of the time I was wrong. So here we go.

I thought when I finished college, I will be successful.
I thought if I landed a good-paying job, I will be rich.
I thought if I am able to help my family, I will be fully happy.
I thought when I quit my job, I will be a businessman.
I thought when I pursued my dreams, I will be fulfilled.
I thought if I have lots of money, I can do and buy anything.
I thought when I am old enough, I know more than enough.
I thought if I am older enough, I can conquer the world.
I thought if I tried everything, there will be no regrets.
I thought when I embraced and live who I really am, I will be free.
I thought when I was diagnosed with HIV, my life has ended.
I thought I could ignore it, but I could not.
I thought I could kill myself, but I could not. 
I thought God is simply up there.
I thought all Christians are self-righteously judgmental.
I thought all Christians are nice and good. 
I thought God does not talk to us.
I thought a human can only love you for what you have.
I thought Christ-like love is impossible.
I thought when I have sinned and sinned, I will be unforgiven.
I thought when I failed, it will be the end of it.
I thought there will be no life after HIV.
I thought I would not be able to travel.
I thought I know myself already.
I thought I could not speak in public and teach.
I thought the Bible was boring and hard to understand.
I thought I am done with studying.
I thought I am done with master’s degree.
I thought another professional license was not going to happen.
I thought putting up a counseling center is just a dream.
I thought living freely is a fantasy.
I thought 24 years ago, I will be married and have children by this time.
I thought I believe in a miracle, not until I experienced it myself.
I thought when I was a child, a 40-year old man is really old.
I thought when I reached 40, I am really and will look old.
I thought aspirations and dreams are for young people.
I thought when I finished my studies, I will stop learning.
I thought when you get older, life is much easier.
I thought it is impossible to attain joy and contentment.
I thought I would not be happy.

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Teaching – An Honor and A Responsibility

It has been a couple of months since my last entry here.
Workshops, teaching, and seminars took most of my time in addition to school readings.

Last August, I conducted two HIV&AIDS workshops. One in Cagayan De Oro City for two and a half days. The other one is at this private company in Quezon City through a pastor friend’s invitation and connection. Since it is just a half day, I have decided not to share my testimony as first planned. However, I was moved (by the Holy Spirit) to share it towards the end. People who were so grateful with what I shared! Some were touched and cried but mostly were blessed. Last Sunday of the month, I was invited to preach at this house church in Caloocan. The message was about “Embracing the Pain.”

Early of the following month, I was given an opportunity to share “How to love our LGBT neighbors as we love ourselves?” at this forum. Then I traveled to Pangasinan for another Channels of Hope HIV workshop and another with the staff of this private hospital in Tondo. All were great and blessed experiences, a testimony how God can turn things around even the worst situations into our favor when we trust Him.

The month was capped off with teaching on “Understanding Depression and Positive Psychology” at this college in Munoz, and “Stress Management Workshop” at our counseling and training center. I believe that Mental health should be focused on including wellness through stress management especially nowadays. This has become part of my advocacy since I got a calling into helping profession of counseling and psycho-education. Thus, motivated me to pursue my doctorate degree in clinical counseling.


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Counseling and teaching on topics that address our total well-being are truly my passion and calling. Truly, speaking the truth in love is both an honor and a responsibility especially doing it all for the honor and glory of our Lord Almighty! And there’s more to come. In the meantime, as I have mentioned already about my studies, coming middle of this month my classes start. It is time to be a student again and focus. Shalom and God bless!