D R . E L R O I


Monday, November 28, 2016

“Sayang” (What A Waste!)

If there is one reaction that irritates me the most each time someone finds out about my broken masculinity, it is that word “sayang” or the phrases, “Sayang ka, ang gwapo mo pa namang lalaki, (What a waste, you’re such a handsome dude).” That is a very typical response that I often heard when a good-looking guy confessed that he is attracted to the same sex. Not only that it seems very insulting to me. Also, it makes me feel that my entire being is a trash, useless, and good for nothing. Actually, I found it rude. Honestly, there were times I have reacted silently this way, “How could you say that? For all we know, your life could even be more pathetic than mine and my existence could be a whole lot more valuable than yours!” As if I would fall for them if I have become totally straight! Sadly, there were a couple of times I have really said that. Forgive me but I lost my control. Truly, that is how irritating and insulting these reactions are to me.

People who are reacting usually this way towards a gorgeous man or woman who unfortunately likes another man or woman are totally clueless regarding its implication to the person. Evidently, it affects negatively our self-esteem. However, I would like to consider some of the possibilities on why they are saying “sayang or sayang ka?”

One probability is that he or she, usually a she, is feeling bad for herself because her options to have a beautiful boyfriend have diminished. Well, this happens more often when the person who shockingly got the bad news is single and chasing after the last jaunt towards marriage. For parents, they could be lamenting for their own single daughters. If this were you, okay I would take no offence. But don’t you think it is a little selfish?

Normalcy in life could be another possibility. It sounds like this, “Sayang naman, hindi magiging normal ang buhay mo. (What a waste! Your life will never be normal.)” Or allow me to be extreme on this especially for those who are self-righteous, “You will burn in hell when you die.” Oh yes, I heard these feedback at least once in my entire life. Only men and women who are attracted to the opposite sex are normal for them. Thus, when you go beyond that, you are not normal. Nowadays, everything seems to be normal anyway so what’s the big fuss? Why would you mean that if this were you? Perhaps we could reevaluate our definition of what is truly normal in this life of being a real man and a woman.

After saying, “What a waste!” automatically this statement comes up. “Your beautiful race would not spread.” Is it panic about the dearth of seeing numerous physically attractive people in the future? Or is it fear for the person that his / her winsome genes would not be passed on to the next generation and just stop? My guess is it could be both. Who says we did not want to have children of our own? And it does not mean it is impossible especially with the modern ways we have today. Extending our beautiful race through having offspring is a choice. Personally, I must say that it is more of a calling. Therefore, you may want to stop meaning that if you could. Would you?

Another insinuation of that disappointing reaction could be misery. There is a truth in this actually. Being “not normal” by having an attraction with the same-sex is not a joke. But unfortunately, for centuries, people with same-sex attraction (SSA) have been the butt of jokes. It got even worst when you are “blamed” for something tragic that happened. You have become the “curse.” The truth of the matter is, people who react this way have very little or no idea at all having this feeling. Next time, you may want to switch place with the person and experience how it feels to be “not normal” before responding in this manner. Having a bit of empathy would be very helpful and encouraging.

A friend of mine who happens to be single, smart, and have a pleasing personality, experienced the same response shared this with me. For her, “sayang” suggests you are incomplete as a person. Then I realized, yes it also could mean like that for a single but normal man and woman. Yet, it does not make any sense. No one is whole or completely whole if there’s such a thing. Everyone is broken in various ways whatever you are in this life. However, you could attain that certain degree of wholeness when you have found your purpose in life. By the love and grace of God, I have found mine. And so far I feel complete. But have you found yours?

Look, perhaps you have other reasons that I have not mentioned here. But whatever it is, I hope you do realize this by now. Using the expression “sayang” to a gorgeous guy or gal who likes and sometimes prefers the same, or to someone who remains single is not healthy. Otherwise, you would create more sadness to the already wretched emotion. You may bring despair instead of hope. And you could be breaking the previously broken self of the person.

Every life of a person is valuable whoever or whatever he or she maybe. Not having the “normal” things in this world that most people have does not mean that his or her life is “sayang.” Once you have found and live the very purpose of your God-given life for and through Jesus, it will never ever be a wasted life. As a matter of fact, not only you would feel complete but also you would have that sense of inner peace, joy in the midst of life struggles, and contentment. How could I say all these? Like I said earlier, I have found mine and praise the Lord for I have lived and am still living it.

So next time, please exert a little bit of an effort to control yourself. Promise, it would not kill you. Refrain from using “sayang” as a reaction to a handsome and beautiful SSA-ed man and woman. And also to “normal” and attractive single people. Who knows, his or her life could be a lot better than yours. What do you think?