Video Testimony

Last week I had a shoot for my video testimony. The youth Pastor who happens to be my friend was the one who did the shoot as well as the editing.

When we're done, it was inordinately long for me to be mitigated to less than 10 minutes. Virtually, it was my entire life story.

The video was shown last Sunday, Palm Sunday to be exact, to the whole congregation but I believe 10-20 percent of the total members were not there. It was my first time to go on public sharing my whole life on a video! I have disclosed my past, my SSA struggle and HIV status to my church! But the best part of it I infer was that, they can see how God is working in my life and gradually transforming me to become the man He desired me to be!

After the video, I was called by our Pastor in front to say something and I have uttered a little prayer for me and for the church with thanksgiving to God the Father. It was my way of giving back the honor, praises and glory to my Creator.

A lot of people were blessed and some of them have approached me after the service which helped to obliterate the edginess I felt prior to and after showing the video.

The enemy (Satan) is absolutely not happy with what I have done. Consequently I pray that the Lord will strengthen me to stand firm in Him and willfully be able to say NO to ungodliness all the time.

Honestly, I was bombarded with temptations the following day! Thank God that He gave me the grace and the will to act and say no to them (Phil. 2:13). It was arduous though I must admit but I am glad I did! Truly His grace is sufficient and is made perfect in weakness (2 Cor. 12:9).

I just hope and pray also that those people who have watched and listened to my video testimony were inspired with the HOPE I have shown in JESUS! After all, it was a message from the "Man of Hope".

From Diagnosis to Acceptance 4

In the last phase, which is the rebuilding phase, the healthy HIV positive person accepts his status, with all its consequences and continues with life. Whether a person ever reaches this stage will depend on his own internal coping skills and his support structure.

The first move towards acceptance is to realize: I am still here! The person realizes that he is HIV positive but is not going today or next month.... and has a life and family and people around. The person can make the choice to remain sorry for him or herself or can start to live and love again. This implies that he starts to appreciate life and live it to the full, appreciating every small detail life can offer!

One of the biggest problems of HIV and AIDS being a slow but progressive disease is that the infected person loses the will or ability to dream about the future. The challenge is to think beyond next year - to think what you would like to do with your life if you were not HIV positive.

On hearing that they are HIV positive, a person might start to "eat, drink and be merry because tomorrow we die!" But as you accept the fact that you have a life-threatening illness, you change this into a healthy lifestyle - not fatalism but of appreciating life and the people around you.

Currently, I am in this phase of my life and I am so happy that I have accepted the Lord as my personal Lord and Savior. God has turned this nightmare into a beautiful dream that is gradually becoming a reality. I have prayed for a ministry and God has given it to me. Being an advocate for HIV and AIDS and de-stigmatization and promoting Christian living to stop the spread of HIV is an honor for me and I am happy where I am now. God is truly working on my life now and walking beside me every step of the way. Yes, there are still struggles but with the Lord, I can take control of them and not the other way around. Teaching HIV & AIDS and de-stigmatization to faith or church leaders is a wonderful experience and a privilege to me as well. I'll talk about it next time.

Source: "Channels of Hope" workshop manual.

From Diagnosis to Acceptance 3

In the remembering phase the person is considering when and how he might have become infected. What about previous sexual partners - who infected him? Or could he have been the cause of infecting any previous sexual partners? Must he go back to these partners and tell them that he tested positive (which is by the way, highly recommended)? Will he have the courage to do so?

During this phase the HIV positive person is struggling with himself. This person might be questioning his own lifestyle and while questioning his own lifestyle, the person becomes very sensitive to any judgmental attitudes from people around him.

What is the first question person normally ask when they hear someone is HIV positive? The answer would be: "Where did he get it?" Why do we ask this? People normally want to determine: Guilty or not guilty? Who we are to judge? Have you never made any choices in your life that you now regret? What difference would it make to know how the person got infected? It could only lead to stigma, discrimination and a judgmental attitude. The fact is: the person is now HIV positive - he now needs to know that we will not reject him. This is the last question you should ever ask.

Source: "Channels of Hope" workshop manual.

From Diagnosis to Acceptance 2

The shock phase is quickly replaced by the reality phase. In this phase, the person starts to realize what their HIV status implies. Suddenly he realizes that he is infected with a life threatening disease; is HIV positive will fall ill at some stage but nobody can tell him when. To make things worse, it is not cancer or any other "normal" illness. It is HIV and AIDS, feared by many, seen by others as God's punishment for a promiscuous lifestyle - a disease associated with stigma and discrimination. He is confronted with the implications for his life: What about my family? What about my wife? Should I tell anybody that I am HIV positive, and if I do tell - who? What about medication? Can I afford it? Should I go on a trial? When do I start to look for medication? All these questions and realities lead to a severe experience of loss.

This brings on another set of emotions which could again range between anger and becoming very emotional. As the shock phase fades, and the person starts to realize the implications of his HIV positive status, they become very open to help from the outside. There is a desperate need for information and to talk to people with similar experiences or people who would be able to provide good advice. This could be a doctor, nurse or counselor. But very often a person needs to talk to someone outside the medical profession. All HIV positive people wish they could tell the people closest to them; their family and friends. But very often they are so afraid that they will lose these valuable pillars of support, that they do not have the nerve to tell them.

But at the same time, while open for help, the person is also hypersensitive in two ways: On the one hand the person might trust some people with the fact that he is HIV positive, but now he fears that those people will suddenly start to treat him differently than before. But it goes beyond people knowing your HIV status. One HIV positive person said: "It feels as if my HIV status is written on my forehead, as if everybody knows!"

On the other hand, you know that you are HIV positive. You know you will become ill at some stage but you do not know when. This suddenly causes the HIV positive person to be hypersensitive about his health. Any small illness or symptom becomes a major concern.

Confidentiality is a major concern for any HIV positive and his family. Nobody has the right to share any information about your HIV status. This becomes a major issue for any HIV positive person. They always wonder: Who knows and what do they know? Where did they find out? It is very easy to say that people should be open about their status. Remember, each person's situation is very different from the next person's situation. For some people it can be very dangerous to talk about their HIV status. We must respect a person's right to confidentiality.

Source: "Channels of Hope" workshop manual.

From Diagnosis to Acceptance 1

HIV and AIDS is a weird disease. On the one hand you hear that you have a terminal disease but, due to the long disease progression you might only become ill and die some years in the future.

We do not always understand what emotional impact HIV has on an individual's life. There are four potential phases a person might experience from diagnosis to a phase of acceptance and rebuilding. The phases we will cover will refer to the HIV infected person who is still healthy like me.

The first phase is the shock phase. When a person hears that he is HIV positive, there is normally some kind of shock reaction. This reaction differs from person to person. Mostly the first shock reaction includes some kind of emotional reaction. This could include anger, crying or a feeling of total numbness.

In this initial shock phase people might be so shocked that they say or do things they would not normally say or do; things they would later regret and this is called irrational behavior. For instance, a person might walk out of the doctor's office and start to spend money - buy everything he always wanted. Other people might say to themselves or to others: "I'm not going to die alone - why must I be infected - I am going to take some others with me."

Fortunately the initial shock phase does not last long, usually a few hours to two days.

The most important thing to remember if you should ever have to tell a person that he is HIV positive is to realize that this person is very often shocked upon hearing the news that anything said after hearing this tends to fade from their memories. Counselors or doctors sometimes forget this and would then try to provide all the possible information and prevention messages - but at that stage the person is not absorbing anything. Proper post-test counseling however is very important. It will help the person to think about the consequences of the news, how they will cope up in the next few hours, whom they will tell - if they want to tell, etc.

Source: Channels of Hope workshop manual.

Living With HIV & AIDS

HIV and AIDS do not affect only individuals. They affect families and friends and even communities. They affect each one of us directly or indirectly.

Sometimes people become very negative when they hear about the realities of HIV and AIDS - the rejection, stigma and suffering associated with the illness is very real. But although it is a reality that cannot be ignored, the challenge is to see the other side of this disease; and there is another side. If we start to care for the people infected and affected by HIV and AIDS, and if we can help people to change their attitudes towards people living with HIV and AIDS or PLWHA, the other side will become clear.

With the prevalence of HIV, however, there is a possibility that somebody you love might tell you that he or she is HIV positive. It might even have been a reality to you. What would you say? How would you feel? What is the first thing that you would ask this person - "Where did you get it? From whom?"

When the person we love dearly tells us that he is HIV positive, we are shocked, angry, disappointed and ask "Where did you get this?" The reaction is always negative. But when WE test positive, we only want encouragement and support.

This is what often happens in the real world. That is why it is so difficult for HIV positive people to come out and share their status.

As human beings, we all have a need to be valued and accepted for who we are. During difficult times in our lives, this need becomes even more prominent. It is also impossible to contend with difficult situations without the support and encouragement of people close to us believing in our abilities and affirming our value.

Unfortunately, during good times we tend to become very self-sufficient and self-righteous. We find it much easier to judge and condemn a person with HIV or AIDS than to reach out to him with understanding and acceptance. We'd like to believe that such a person is reaping the fruit of their behavior and that something like that would never happen to us because we know how to behave. This might indeed be true and maybe you or I will never contract HIV. The fact is that we can not foretell the future. We don't know what calamity awaits us round the next corner, when we desperately in need of other's acceptance and compassion.

Most people support the principle: "Do to others what you want them to do to you." Unless we put ourselves in the shoes of another person, it's very difficult to understand what our needs would be in a similar situation. This is not something we automatically do. It requires a conscious decision to postpone judgment and instead try to understand the world of the other person. Only then will we know what we would have liked others to do to us in a similar situation. Choosing to value another person as a special God-created being adds value and worth to your life. AIDS is but one opportunity to put this into practice.

Source: Channels of Hope workshop manual.