Now @ Wordpress

Maintaining two blogs is not practical. I believe most of you would agree. The reason for my transfer to WordPress is the new venture, which I believe God has called me. 

Blogspot is where I had started pouring out my thoughts and emotions when I was rising from rock bottom. Since then, so many things had happened that I am very grateful for. From an HIV patient to being a peer counselor and educator to becoming a local and Asia HIV facilitator, to being a pastoral counselor, and now nearing to obtain my Ph.D. degree as a mental health professional. It has been 12 years in my journey here.

The last post I have here before this one is about my new e-book. It is the new platform I believe the Lord has called me to do at this point in my journey with Him. At first, my motivation was to have an extra source of income. However, my expectation when it comes to sales did not happen. God has made me realized that my motivation is not noble enough. I, too, believe it was kind of selfish. I have come to realize this as soon as I was writing my second e-book. 

I had prayed early this year that He gives me a platform where I can share the knowledge, experiences, learning, and skills I have acquired from either out or in-formal schooling or training. In short, everything I have learned in life that God will lead me to share. When I came across this e-book idea middle of this year, my heart is at peace when I tried starting writing and began watching webinars to educate myself on how to do it.

Thus, to make my content relevant and focus, I have decided to make another one dedicated to this. And yet, I will keep sharing my thoughts, feelings, and new endeavors that are aligned to the theme of my writings. That is being true to yourself. Hence, I called my new website or blog, Simply TRY or Simply The Really You. It is the first step towards mental wellness. Being the real you include all your experiences in life, both good and bad. It is where the tag line "Every Experience Matters" came from. Because it is the truth, take it from a long-term HIV survivor like me and now, a mental health practitioner. Sometimes, I do psychotherapy, but more often, I do counseling and psycho-educational workshops to my clients.

So, to all my dear followers here, please kindly visit my new website through the link below. Do not forget to follow me there and like my post. Thank you for journeying with me here fellow pilgrims. May God bless us all. Soli Deo Gloria!

https://simplytrytherealyou.wordpress.com/

Abounding Grace for Forty-Three Years

Four decades and three years but who is counting? Well, we are taught to number our days (Psalm 90: 12) so, yes, I am counting. I am just grateful to God for keeping me alive for forty-three years...and two days now. Without a doubt, the past 43 years has been a reflection of His amazing and abounding grace. Acknowledging the fact that I could have died twice already makes me speechless and in awe about how good and faithful our Almighty Father was and He will remain to be...I guess, even I have been and will be unfaithful at times. Hey, I’m just being real here.

The older I get the more I realize that I need Christ more than I usually do. For this reason, I have only one prayer request from the Lord Jesus on my birthday from this day until the end, that He gives me a heart that loves Him above else. I need a heart that loves Him with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength that also fears Him, a wise and discerning heart. Consequently, I would live this life only according to His will and purpose continually. Every single moment every day, I may live this God-given life simply to honor and glorify Him.

God’s love is reckless, merciful, and never-ending. He is a good good Father. Simply that is who He is and by the grace of God, I am who I am. With that loving heart, I strongly desire what the Apostle Paul has said (Galatians 2: 20). That in the coming days or years, it is Christ that truly lives in me and no longer I...and incessantly become a channel of His blessings of love, faith, and hope.

Revelations@39

That feeling of being on your last year of a certain decade of your life (30’s this time) was felt once again…that mixed emotions of looking forward but with a little bit of fear about getting old.I have these feelings when I was 19 and 29 but I noticed that the fear is slowly increasing or getting stronger and the excitement or looking forward is somewhat steady. Yes I got to admit that especially if you are single like me and “unsuccessful” by this world standard. While my batch mates and longtime friends are living and building their own homes, driving their own cars, buying real estates and raising a family...here I am still renting, commuting, and getting by financially one day to a month at a time. Am I envious or do I long for those things too? Well I’d be fooling myself if I say NO even just for a bit however I guess it is just normal…a bit envy and just enough desire. However believe it or not, whenever I ask myself if I am happy in its real sense and contented, I can confidently say YES I am. I believe that is the beautiful mystery of knowing who you are in the eyes of God and living the life that God has called us to live for. Moreover, I believe this is the true “joy” in life in the midst of life’s struggles and worries wherein God has specifically revealed something to me through an article online and a text message respectively its meaning just recently.

Honestly, I do worry more often than I thought from big decision making to the smallest daily choices…finances, my freelance work (or applying for an 8-5 work for temporary security), food to eat, clothes to wear, and other small or big stuffs, name it. After my hospitalization and experiencing the faithfulness of the Lord in the areas of relationships, health in all aspects and especially on financial concerns, I thought I have changed and would not worry anymore for the way God has demonstrated how He has moved during that recent affliction was pretty amazing and overwhelming! Then I caught myself worrying again about finances and my health (despite of that miraculous healing!) a little over a week ago and this is what He has told me. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7)” According to this article by John Piper (the shortest version), anxieties and worries are forms of pride, a form of unbelief and does not like to trust in God’s future grace! “And one way to be humble is to cast all your anxieties on God. Which means that one hindrance to casting your anxieties on God is pride. Which means that undue worry is a form of pride!Faith admits the need for help. Pride won’t. Faith banks on God to give help. Pride won’t. Faith casts anxieties on God. Pride won’t.Therefore the way to battle the unbelief of pride is to admit freely that you have anxieties, and to cherish the promise of future grace in the words, “He cares for you.” Whoa! What a revelation (and a rebuke)!  As a result…I posted this verse on a sticky note on my laptop and later on my fridge so I would stop or at least try not to worry but simply TRUST and have FAITH in HIM.

Not hundred percent sure yet if this is really the reasons or meaning of what I have been through but these were the words I received from a couple of friends during my sickness. “Embrace your calling boldly and with humility. Do not fear! Many are called but few are chosen and you have been called and chosen. Trust God will accomplish His purpose for you if you OBEY and take a LEAP of FAITH. You will see how God will work in your life. HE BREATHED NEW LIFE in your body, soul, and spirit. (No eye has seen no ear has heard no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. But God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. 1 Cor. 2:9-10.) The other one was on my birthday that says, “It’s truly a new season for you. God has refined you in the fire, you’ve come out as gold. Get ready for the blessings and greater adventures from our Lord!” Both of these words I believe has something to do with the life struggles I have been through and still going through.

Always, I am praying for a deeper and more intimate walk and relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the recent event and these words could be “it” or simply the beginning of “IT”. In spite of the same struggles in life (my SSA and all related issue, HIV or health concern, and other usual challenges) I felt God has truly “breathed a new life” in me that made me feel like a new person again after that “miraculous healing” experience! All these lead me to seek more and desire more of Him than ever before! So I guess my last words would be, “bring it on!”

25 Days of Life “Interruption” and a Miracle

Nobody would like to start their year off with something that halt a daily life routine especially if you got loads of plans and lists of things to do in your calendar. Unfortunately when sickness hits you and it requires you to be confined in a hospital bed for 25 long days, there’s nothing you can do about it but allowed your life to be “interrupted.” This interruption can be both good and bad depending on how you look at it. Of course, the suffering and pain while being treated is a thing that we are all or at least I was trying to avoid not mentioning the trouble I have caused to my family especially to my parents. But the good part of it is something the most people have failed to recognize and experience so allow me to share a number of selected “good stuff” I have perhaps personally desired and experienced in an unpredicted way.

If it were your first time to be confined that long in a hospital like me, you would be able to experience and everything that comes along with it! I have not been hospitalized in my entire life until the past almost four weeks (January 17 to February 11 to be exact). After my first and second CT Scan, the doctors could not tell whether my appendix has been ruptured or not for it remained visible according to the latest images. But according to friends and family who visited and witnessed the pain that I have been through…it was appendicitis. And if it was…truly it’s a miracle that I was and still alive! Well, the surgeons and physicians who looked after me told me that it was “medical management” what they have employed to avoid open surgery, which could result to longer recovery and other complications. Regardless, I am simply grateful that I am home.

In connection with that “miracle”, I have to say that it is a miracle for I remembered that I have been praying to experience a miraculous healing long before this interruption. Moreover, when I started to feel the pain intermittently on the appendix part several months ago, I told God over and over that I am scared and do not want to undergo any surgery. But it was more of the former so when a close friend and colleague of mine offered their family friend who has a gift of healing through prayer, immediately I said yes! It was the second day of February when this Bishop, together with other three Pastors or “prayer warriors,” came to pray for me and it was an experience I would never forget. Because of this unforgettable “miraculous healing” that have occurred to me I have learned a few things about my faith, about God and His miracle.

In one of my devotions few days before I was discharged, God has confirmed what transpired during my miracle healing. For a miracle to take place it requires my participation, which explains the unbelief in my heart that it could happen to me. Yes I want to experience a miracle healing but I have to…no I must pray to God to help me overcome my unbelief! Second it needs a quick response so after cleansing through praying for forgiveness and then praying again to overcome my unbelief, I was ready to be prayed for. Lastly, it needs a relationship and experience with Jesus that is very personal in which I already have for more than eight years. Voila! I got my miracle! No surgery needed. Although I still feel some slight pain as of this writing, the impression I have in my heart is to continue declaring each day that I am healed.

Another reflection I have was the probable cause of this very unexpected affliction. I have been praying for a much deeper and more intimate relationship with Jesus and more or less…this has become His way. John Piper said affliction helps takes the glibness of life away and makes us more serious so that our mindset is more in tune with the seriousness of God’s word. It forces us to rely more on God, which brings us more in tune with the aim of the word. It makes us search the Scriptures with greater desperation for help, rather than treating it as marginal to life. Affliction brings us into the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings so that we fellowship more closely with him and see the world more readily through his eyes. Affliction mortifies deceitful and distracting fleshly desires, and so brings us into a more spiritual frame in which fits God’s word more. All these I have felt and realized as I was talking to God each day in the hospital especially the last one for I believe this was also a spiritual attack. Oh yes my SSA struggles were and will always be a part of the bigger picture as I continue to strive living “holy” for Jesus. This “interruption” has moved me to remove and throw off things that hinders and sin that easily entangles and exert extra effort to truly fix my eyes on Him (Hebrews 12:1 -2).

These reflections are on the top of the “good” things that came out of this affliction. Aside from these reflections and learning, I have seen how God has moved in responding to my needs. The Lord has brought and mobilized each family or community He has put me in from the beginning. My church, the NGO where I have started, the Bible school where I graduated, my Amara family, and dear friends from the positive community, all of them were represented that almost everyday I have visitors to cheer me up. Moreover, through these families I have, the Lord has provided financial support that covered beyond the total hospital expenses! It felt great to be loved this way! Overwhelming!

What an unforeseen way to begin my 2016. Please continue to pray with me for complete recovery and regaining not only my strength but also the over 20 pounds I have lost! Likewise, continue to declare with me that “I am healed” for I believe in my heart that I am and truly no surgery is needed ever! Praise the Lord for another wonderful experience with Him! Thank you Jesus…thank you my dear followers and readers. Blessings!

HIV, SSA, God and Me

The first 31 days of 2013 has passed fleetingly and a lot of great things happened already.

On the second week of last month, I have shared my testimony through a “lifeline” in one of our class in an almost quite detail. More people now know my HIV status, my homosexual or SSA struggle, and the ministry God has involved me in relation to these two. Revealing the “real” me under my identity in Christ is always liberating, rewarding and brings healing through relationships. People have appreciated it and they were all blessed.

For two consecutive days last week, I shared again “God’s story” through the life He has given to me to few pastors of PCEC to advocate on HIV&AIDS Channels of Hope. Many were called but very few were chosen to participate and listen to us, and eventually realized the serious role of church in the HIV&AIDS ministry.

On the personal side, I have received a prophetic word from the Lord through one of our church elders. This year I will be alone in Him for God will remove (hopefully temporarily) the people I lean on and it will be just me and God, that I will be able to say that ‘God is my delight’. His Spirit will explode and I will fall in love more with Jesus. I guess it is starting to takes place.

This week alone, I have encountered God’s presence twice already or perhaps even more than that. When I woke up two mornings ago, upon greeting the Lord and say my regular morning prayer to begin my day, immediately I felt his presence as I turned on the TV and saw the episode I missed from one my favorite series lately! It was like God telling me that even in the simplest and smallest desires of our hearts, He can hear it and He answers. Truly God can speak to us in anyway He can! Tears were flowing endlessly for almost an hour as I continue reading His words for the day after uttering my morning prayer. This morning, virtually the same thing happened! After praying while preparing my breakfast and as I read today’s word from ‘God’s Little Devotional Book’, His message to me was that, He is a TRUE friend to me, whom I can always count on regardless of what I have done. He is not interested with my explanations on why I have done this or that for He is a friend to me no matter what. ‘When I have made a fool out of myself, God does not feel I have done a permanent job.’ Again, all these made me broke into tears.

Tomorrow, I will be sharing again what God has done and still doing into my life. This time, the focus is where God’s grace is enormously present and truly heals me, which is my sexual brokenness, the SSA struggle. For the past almost five years of testifying to God’s grace through the Channels of Hope HIV ministry, I have been excluding this part of my life. And last year up to early this year, God has spoken to me very clearly that I do not have to hide it because of the shame I am feeling towards it. It is time to really give up my reputation to Him and tell His story that He is writing, without shame, through this brokenness. ‘A changed of heart to love him with all my heart and soul so that I may live is His word for me! (Deut. 30:6-9) And I will obey all His commands and He will make me successful in everything that I do!’ Of course, who am I not to claim joyfully and prayed deeply into my heart that I will truly be able to do this by His grace?

Again, the Lord can use any medium He wants to accomplish His purpose for His glory because the person who invited me to speak met me through this blog! I feel so blessed and very happy to meet this couple. I can feel strongly that God is up to something big!

Not only that, I am still waiting for confirmation but I might also share in a forum next week. With all these things happening in the midst of being a full time student with so much school requirements to finish, I really appreciate your prayers if you can do so.

Each day I ask God to take over and take charge of my life and lead me every step of the way for I do not want to go either left or right. I just desire to walk at the center of His will and everyday submission to Him is the best way to make it through!

Shalom everyone!

God Still Heals Today

It was the middle of last week of August when I started to feel sick a bit. The slight fever I felt I thought was because of the day that I got wet with rain showers on my way to Bible school.

The following day the fever went off but I was not feeling well. I felt a little weak and soft and then when the night came, the slight fever went back so I took paracetamol. It was like that until weekend that the fever was on and off, then Saturday came. I really felt weak that day that I cannot hardly move so I texted some friends to pray for me and that evening, my Pastor called me to check out on me and prayed for me over the phone.

Sunday came and I felt a little better so my mother took me to the hospital to do some lab test to see what was going on. The lab result came and it appeared that my platelet was only 24! Monday came, I was feeling a bit better again and got no fever since Sunday and it never came back though I was not feeling normal though. My mother asked me to take some "tawa tawa leaves" tea for it has been said that it can increase platelet so I did. 

On Wednesday I have decided to visit my physician and she was surprised, a bit shocked but not so worried upon seeing me when she saw the result of the lab test. She said it could have been dengue but cannot declare it really was because I was physically fine that day and the day before that. So she asked me to repeat the test and the result was close to normal and then to make sure and rule out everything, I repeat the test one last time and viola! Everything was very normal!

Being HIV positive, getting sick like this is bad for my immune system is compromised already so I need to be careful. I did not suspect it either as dengue because for me it's just a fever that was going on and off and that's it. I was not feeling anything except weakness so I just tried to rest with no medications and hospital. When I asked some of my friends to pray for me, I felt their prayers honestly! It was like a prayer brigade where the climax was when my Pastor prayed for me to be healed too. 

Strongly I believe in my heart it was God who healed me through that prayer brigade. Yes maybe I took some "tea" to increase my platelet but it has no proof and for some reason in my heart I was so convinced and truly felt that it was the Lord who healed me.

Actually I shared this miraculous healing to our church last Sunday. For some this may seem trivial or normal but for me it was not. Simply I believe God still heals today! So whatever you're going through whether you are sick or in a really not so good situation.....pray and pray incessantly!

End of Contract Means Full Time Schooling

The Lord answered my prayer after all. Previously I said that my contract was renewed but I got a message from my boss that there are some problems with the extension of my contract and project budget as well and he gave me an option to decide whether to continue or not and he will support me.

Since I have been praying to study full time even for one semester, I took it as His answer and opted not to continue and enroll all the subjects I can while waiting till a new contract is ready. Though honestly, a contract extension will be easy if it will have the same terms and conditions which partly made me to say no.

With my role as a regional project coordinator, I have been doing a unique role of using 50% of my time to the Philippine office and the other 50% to some countries in the Asia Pacific Region. This kind of setting means I have two managers and it requires me to make two reports regularly among other things. It was not easy but able to manage by God's grace. 

My manager in the region is very nice and very professional but here in the Philippines is relatively not. The other trusts and believes so much in me while the other thinks I am a bit arrogant or ambitious, did not know what I am doing as well as the mission and vision of the organization, and I am not doing my job at all which made me feel a bit awful and sad simply because these are not true.

Partly this is one reason why I opted not to continue even if I can. At first I thought it was immature, to avoid working with a manager who thinks of me like that. When I told this to one of the elders from our church, choosing not to work with someone who did not believe and trust in my abilities is just right. Also I am at peace with my decision because I am really excited to go back to school without a job getting in the way.

Studying full time to advance with many subjects I still have to finish is the main reason why I chose not to extend and let my contract ended. I spent my last two official days conducting a Channels of Hope (CoH) workshop for staff and partners and it was so great doing it for the second time with the doctor used by God to bring me back into His Kingdom! And now I am excited to enroll this coming week and go back fully to school!

God truly hear and answer our prayers uniquely! Looking forward now to accomplish great things when unemployed!

Underground River Palawan

It was my second time to visit the province of Palawan last week. The purpose of my trip there was to learn about breast feeding and HIV and behavioral change communication as part of my capacity building for my work.

The Lord was so good to bless us by allowing the group to see and experience the infamous subterranean river of Palawan or most commonly known as the "underground river".

You will wonder how those conical hanging pillar in a limestone cave has gradually built up or formed called stalactites. The forms and shapes amazed me. You will see a figure like that of the holy family, giant mushroom, a bacon liked shape, an onion liked form and many other shapes and figures depending on how you will apparently view it.

The trip alone on the river trekking inside the cave took us less than hour. From Puerto Princessa City, approximately it will take 90 minutes to 2 hours to go to Sabang and then you will take a 10-15 minutes boat ride to that side of the mountain where the underground river is situated.

With so much learning and information I have acquired from the training which will be truly helpful on my work, I feel so knowledgeable with the topic. And at the same I was blessed to see the beauty of this God's wonderful creation, it's an answered prayer and a dream come true.

I thank God for allowing me to serve Him through this ministry that comes with the opportunity to visit and see various parts of this country and later on outside the Philippines. Lord you're simply amazing!

God's Favor And Grace

This week is truly an awesome week for me! Once again I have proven that God is faithful and good all the time.

First and foremost, I believe the Lord had just opened a door for me when He allowed me to share a bit of my life through 700 Club. Even it did not turn out the way I expected it, I am convinced that it's just how God exactly planned it. Mari Kaimo interviewed me and then Peter Kairuz, together with the other guests and staff prayed for me after the show. It will be shown on Monday via QTV at 11PM.


Secondly, God revealed to me how powerful the "Our Father" prayer is and why the Lord Jesus Christ taught that prayer to us. Darrell W. Johnson's "Fifty-Seven Words That Change The World" is a book, a journey through the Lord's Prayer. Only if we will utter it before His throne with a pure heart, it covers everything and could really change this world we are living in! So now I have decided to end my conversation with God with these words.

And lastly but the best thing that ever happened to me, God the Father had opened surprisingly an opportunity for me to share my faith in Jesus to my family especially to my earthly Father! Finally, I was able to tell almost everything I have always wanted to say to my "Tatay" and I strongly believed that my relationship with him just started to be restored! He gave me the fatherly embrace and kiss I've never had! We we're able to forgive each other and say I love you at last!

The life with my family will never be the same again. The Lord pulled down the biggest stronghold which kept our emotions for quite some time. Now that my father just turned 60, he sworn to us that He'll try his best to change and be good. I suggested him to yield that decision to Jesus and allow Him to take control.

I know that the ultimate salvation of my whole family is coming very soon! God's favor and grace is obviously upon me these days and all I can say is PRAISE GOD! YOU are absolutely in control.

I Am 33 Today!

Yes my dear readers and followers, I just turned 33 years old today and I am happy so you can simply greet me "Happy Birthday!"

All I can say is God has been so good and faithful to me and He will stay that way forever. Last time I talked about the blessings I have received from Him in spite of my iniquities. Today, the Lord simply showed me how blessed I am with the people He sent to love me.

My mother had prepared and ordered some food to share for celebration. My cousins and my older brother's family were my only home visitors. A lot of my friends from church, office and former work and classmates greeted me either through phone text messages, email, face book or my other personal website. It feels good to be remembered and feel loved on this special day.

I thank God for all the blessings and for the 33 years gift of life. Although the birthday requests and prayers I have been praying for remains unanswered, I strongly believed that I will received them in His perfect timing. Actually I asked for a Mac book pro laptop and the full scholarship grant for the AIDS conference in Vienna among others from God so let's wait and see.

But imperatively, God has reminded me today about my real purpose in this life; that I might come into Christ likeness. This is the goal of my faith in Him to be victorious for victory begins with the name of Jesus on our lips and will be consummated by the nature of Jesus in our hearts!

Today also marked the second year anniversary of this blog, the online personal journal of mine. I am so glad that it has been reached by many and feel so blessed to have followers who are praying for or with me and became my online friends. Thank you guys!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose, Romans 8:28.

God bless you all and shalom!

Patience and Faith

I believe these are two of the many things God is teaching me nowadays and it made me realize that patience and faith go together most of the time or probably all the time.

For the past several weeks, I have been praying to the Lord to help me increase my faith and believe in Him and be patient enough to wait for His instruction and direction. It seems like that God is indubitably into it when it comes to the job I've been praying for and the breakthrough I've been waiting for in my Christian journey.

We all know that it's a little difficult to wait especially if you're waiting for quite some time now but for some reason, God has put in my heart peace and joy while going through this stage I guess merely because that's how I feel. Like He said in Psalm, be still and know that He is God. My pastor told me that the Lord is preparing me to do something big and I feel the same way too.

At this point, I am still hoping for the best that I will land the job I have been fasting and praying for in His perfect timing as well as the breakthrough in my walk. I just need to be patient and have faith in Jesus that He's at work.

While I am waiting, I shrewdly use my time in reading the scriptures more, watching my favorite TV shows, working out and volunteering in the church and to my old work.

God bless you all. Shalom!

Sinner's Prayer

Whether this is the day of your salvation or the day of your rededication to Jesus Christ please let me share and join with me in this sinner's prayer. This can be found on the last chapter of Frank Worthen's book entitled "This Way Out."

"Our heavenly Father, against You have I sinned. I now confess in my heart, and I will confess publicly, that Jesus Christ is Lord, the risen Son of God, raised from the dead to bring me new life and deliverance from the Evil One.

I now accept Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior.

I renounce Satan and the power he has exerted over my life, to make the changes You desire to be made. I ask that your Holy Spirit will come to dwell within me bringing me strength and giving me all the power I need to resist temptation.

I declare now, that having asked You this and having received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, that I am no longer the person I was, I am a new creature in Christ, I am no longer controlled by my past.

I have been reborn. I have a new life. I have been freed from my sin. Praise You Jesus! All this I ask and declare in Jesus' name. Amen."

Now your past need not control the present or your future. You may right now feel release. All your sins, even those of just a few minutes ago, have been forgiven. You have a fresh start. Even if you feel nothing, something has happened; you are not the same person. God has declared you righteous in His sight. You are as clean as a newborn baby. God has said, "All that lust, all those sex acts, all the shabby things you have done, I have thrown them into the sea of forgetfulness. I see you as pure; I have restored your virginity. This day I declare you unspoiled, untouched, a virgin."