D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Friday, February 1, 2013

HIV, SSA, God and Me


The first 31 days of 2013 has passed fleetingly and a lot of great things happened already.

On the second week of last month, I have shared my testimony through a “lifeline” in one of our class in an almost quite detail. More people now know my HIV status, my homosexual or SSA struggle, and the ministry God has involved me in relation to these two. Revealing the “real” me under my identity in Christ is always liberating, rewarding and brings healing through relationships. People have appreciated it and they were all blessed.

For two consecutive days last week, I shared again “God’s story” through the life He has given to me to few pastors of PCEC to advocate on HIV&AIDS Channels of Hope. Many were called but very few were chosen to participate and listen to us, and eventually realized the serious role of church in the HIV&AIDS ministry.

On the personal side, I have received a prophetic word from the Lord through one of our church elders. This year I will be alone in Him for God will remove (hopefully temporarily) the people I lean on and it will be just me and God, that I will be able to say that ‘God is my delight’. His Spirit will explode and I will fall in love more with Jesus. I guess it is starting to takes place.

This week alone, I have encountered God’s presence twice already or perhaps even more than that. When I woke up two mornings ago, upon greeting the Lord and say my regular morning prayer to begin my day, immediately I felt his presence as I turned on the TV and saw the episode I missed from one my favorite series lately! It was like God telling me that even in the simplest and smallest desires of our hearts, He can hear it and He answers. Truly God can speak to us in anyway He can! Tears were flowing endlessly for almost an hour as I continue reading His words for the day after uttering my morning prayer. This morning, virtually the same thing happened! After praying while preparing my breakfast and as I read today’s word from ‘God’s Little Devotional Book’, His message to me was that, He is a TRUE friend to me, whom I can always count on regardless of what I have done. He is not interested with my explanations on why I have done this or that for He is a friend to me no matter what. ‘When I have made a fool out of myself, God does not feel I have done a permanent job.’ Again, all these made me broke into tears.

Tomorrow, I will be sharing again what God has done and still doing into my life. This time, the focus is where God’s grace is enormously present and truly heals me, which is my sexual brokenness, the SSA struggle. For the past almost five years of testifying to God’s grace through the Channels of Hope HIV ministry, I have been excluding this part of my life. And last year up to early this year, God has spoken to me very clearly that I do not have to hide it because of the shame I am feeling towards it. It is time to really give up my reputation to Him and tell His story that He is writing, without shame, through this brokenness. ‘A changed of heart to love him with all my heart and soul so that I may live is His word for me! (Deut. 30:6-9) And I will obey all His commands and He will make me successful in everything that I do!’ Of course, who am I not to claim joyfully and prayed deeply into my heart that I will truly be able to do this by His grace?
Again, the Lord can use any medium He wants to accomplish His purpose for His glory because the person who invited me to speak met me through this blog! I feel so blessed and very happy to meet this couple. I can feel strongly that God is up to something big!

Not only that, I am still waiting for confirmation but I might also share in a forum next week. With all these things happening in the midst of being a full time student with so much school requirements to finish, I really appreciate your prayers if you can do so.

Each day I ask God to take over and take charge of my life and lead me every step of the way for I do not want to go either left or right. I just desire to walk at the center of His will and everyday submission to Him is the best way to make it through!

Shalom everyone!

4 comments:

adarlojr said...

keep your focus. you are on the right track. May our GOD bless you on your vocation.

E L R o i said...

Thanks my dear brother Max! God bless you and your family :)

stanw said...

My dear brother,

Reading your post really charged me up. So good to hear that prophetic word concerning you. I say that because of late I have been having that same conviction that God desires me to be alone with him. To rest in His love and let His love be all I need. Your words here have encouraged me so much. I was reading Psalm 51 yesterday and God showed me where I had been in the past in a new light. I am undeserving of His love, grace and mercy but still He chose me to be His child. I sunk so far in the past, was a hypocrite in front of others, sinned against my body/temple that God created me with. "Yet He loved me, still He loves me, praise His Holy Name."

I am so excited for you. God bless and keep you strong in Him.

E L R o i said...

Amen Brother! Thank you very much and God bless :)