If there is one reaction that
irritates me the most each time someone finds out about my broken masculinity,
it is that word “sayang” or the
phrases, “Sayang ka, ang gwapo mo pa
namang lalaki, (What a waste, you’re such a handsome dude).” That is a very
typical response that I often heard when a good-looking guy confessed that he
is attracted to the same sex. Not only that it seems very insulting to me.
Also, it makes me feel that my entire being is a trash, useless, and good for
nothing. Actually, I found it rude. Honestly, there were times I have reacted
silently this way, “How could you say that?
For all we know, your life could even be more pathetic than mine and my
existence could be a whole lot more valuable than yours!” As if I would
fall for them if I have become totally straight! Sadly, there were a couple of
times I have really said that. Forgive me but I lost my control. Truly, that is
how irritating and insulting these reactions are to me.
People who are reacting usually this
way towards a gorgeous man or woman who unfortunately likes another man or
woman are totally clueless regarding its implication to the person. Evidently,
it affects negatively our self-esteem. However, I would like to consider some
of the possibilities on why they are saying “sayang or sayang ka?”
One probability is that he or she,
usually a she, is feeling bad for herself because her options to have a
beautiful boyfriend have diminished. Well, this happens more often when the
person who shockingly got the bad news is single and chasing after the last
jaunt towards marriage. For parents, they could be lamenting for their own
single daughters. If this were you, okay I would take no offence. But don’t you
think it is a little selfish?
Normalcy in life could be another
possibility. It sounds like this, “Sayang naman,
hindi magiging normal ang buhay mo. (What a waste! Your life will never be
normal.)” Or allow me to be extreme on this especially for those who are
self-righteous, “You will burn in hell when you die.” Oh yes, I heard these feedback at least once in my entire life. Only men and women who are attracted
to the opposite sex are normal for them. Thus, when you go beyond that, you are
not normal. Nowadays, everything seems to be normal anyway so what’s the big
fuss? Why would you mean that if this were you? Perhaps we could reevaluate our
definition of what is truly normal in this life of being a real man and a
woman.
After saying, “What a waste!” automatically this statement comes up. “Your beautiful race would not spread.”
Is it panic about the dearth of seeing numerous physically attractive people in
the future? Or is it fear for the person that his / her winsome genes would not
be passed on to the next generation and just stop? My guess is it could be
both. Who says we did not want to have children of our own? And it does not
mean it is impossible especially with the modern ways we have today. Extending
our beautiful race through having offspring is a choice. Personally, I must say
that it is more of a calling. Therefore, you may want to stop meaning that if
you could. Would you?
Another insinuation of that
disappointing reaction could be misery. There is a truth in this actually.
Being “not normal” by having an
attraction with the same-sex is not a joke. But unfortunately, for centuries,
people with same-sex attraction (SSA) have been the butt of jokes. It got even
worst when you are “blamed” for
something tragic that happened. You have become the “curse.” The truth of the matter is, people who react this way have
very little or no idea at all having this feeling. Next time, you may want to
switch place with the person and experience how it feels to be “not normal” before responding in this
manner. Having a bit of empathy would be very helpful and encouraging.
A friend of mine who happens to be
single, smart, and have a pleasing personality, experienced the same response
shared this with me. For her, “sayang”
suggests you are incomplete as a person. Then I realized, yes it also could
mean like that for a single but normal man and woman. Yet, it does not make any
sense. No one is whole or completely whole if there’s such a thing. Everyone is
broken in various ways whatever you are in this life. However, you could attain
that certain degree of wholeness when you have found your purpose in life. By
the love and grace of God, I have found mine. And so far I feel complete. But
have you found yours?
Look, perhaps you have other reasons
that I have not mentioned here. But whatever it is, I hope you do realize this
by now. Using the expression “sayang”
to a gorgeous guy or gal who likes and sometimes prefers the same, or to
someone who remains single is not healthy. Otherwise, you would create more
sadness to the already wretched emotion. You may bring despair instead of hope.
And you could be breaking the previously broken self of the person.
Every life of a person is valuable
whoever or whatever he or she maybe. Not having the “normal” things in this world that most people have does not mean
that his or her life is “sayang.”
Once you have found and live the very purpose of your God-given life for and
through Jesus, it will never ever be a wasted life. As a matter of fact, not
only you would feel complete but also you would have that sense of inner peace,
joy in the midst of life struggles, and contentment. How could I say all these?
Like I said earlier, I have found mine and praise the Lord for I have lived and
am still living it.
So next time, please exert a little
bit of an effort to control yourself. Promise, it would not kill you. Refrain
from using “sayang” as a reaction to
a handsome and beautiful SSA-ed man and woman. And also to “normal” and attractive single people.
Who knows, his or her life could be a lot better than yours. What do you think?
