D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Amazing Grace

Honestly, I am not so happy to blog about the things happened to me in the past few weeks. But of course, this is my journal and I believe I must write them down. Certainly there were lessons learned needs to be imparted.

After that major fall I have committed two more. That makes a total of three sexual sins from the time I have broken my vow of self consecration. Looking down at the pattern, it turned out that I become more vulnerable after a major victory. Aside from believing the lie of the enemy that since I failed already it's alright to fall again, the Lord has revealed to me that Jesus was not really my shield of protection but my HIV status! That's why when I've found people who accept my condition I can't help but to give in then realizing that I can never trust my own flesh and myself.

Unexpectedly and surprisingly, I only felt a small amount of guilt. In addition to that, confessing to God and asking for His forgiveness was not that hard for me. Bewildered and a bit worried, I began questioning my close Christian friends and the answer they all have given me was....you guessed it right, the amazing grace of God!

It says in the word of God that when Jesus died on the cross, He took all away the sins along with guilt, shame, fear, loneliness as well as condemnation! This is the time when I truly realized in my heart how our Heavenly Father truly loves us! That's why I pray everyday that God will overflow my heart with love for Him and help me to see things, people and sins through His eyes. I do not want to abuse the grace and mercy which are freely given to us by God although He knows exactly when and how many times we will fail and sin against Him. We can never disappoint God! That's how our Heavenly Father who created us infinitely love us all!

A wretched man and a Christian like me struggling with sin can only be saved by His grace! A million thanks to our Lord Jesus Christ!

In connection with that, God have spoken to me through the book by Jim Cymbala "Breakthrough Prayer" about this love. Growing in the Lord will always be characterized by an increase in love. 1 John 4:20-21 says that if anyone says "I love God" yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God whom ha has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Increasing and strengthening our faith is one way of expressing our love for Jesus. Faith is a paramount in the daily life of a Christian. In Matthew 9:30 says, according to your faith it will be done to you.

Loving my brothers and sisters or all the people around me or looking at them like the way God looks at them and increasing my faith are the two important things He has shown to me to grow and mature spiritually through this book. I believe this is the fundamental way all Christians must live their lives daily.

Believing and increasing my faith that at His own pace, God is continuously changing me to become the man that He wanted me to be, I will be healed from this sexual brokenness and fulfill the promises He has made for me. Hopefully and prayerfully, I will be stronger enough with full confidence and trust in Jesus to resist the temptations that will come next and not fall again to this detestable sin.

Despite the fact that the amazing grace and mercy are always available for us, we must not abuse it. Learn our lessons from our mistakes, have self control and love God more and more each day above all else.

This is how our Abba Father loves us very much. Thank you for the amazing grace. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ.

6 comments:

Courage Philippines said...

Hi bro, thanks for this post. I can relate to it.

I must confess that up to now Im still struggling with being chaste with myself - porn and masturbation - considering that I've been walking with the Lord for quite some time now.

Being the webmaster of our blog where I post stuff regarding SSA, chastity, and Christian living is not a guarantee for me that I will never fall.

During certain times in my life when I'm lonely, depressed, bored, alone, I would occassionally wander a little but not too far, which means cruising around forbidden places. By God's grace fortunately it does not end up in a full blown sexual contact.

Through it all I have come to know myself better - that I am weak and vulnerable without God's help - that I am as much capable of doing horrendous thing as the other guy next door.

I have also come to realize to face my personal issues that are driving me sometimes to act out - father wounds, depression, peer rejection when I was a kid.

Let us just continue to stand up whenever we fall down. That is the least that I can promise to Our Lord. I cannot promise Him I wont ever offend him again coz I know I cannot keep it, but I promise to run to Him after a fall, wounds and all.

Keep fighting the good fight bro. Surround yourself with good Christian friends and be courageous against the enemy. Jesus has already won this battle for us.

Rajsh said...

Kuya elroi, very inspiring.. salamat po sa pag-share! Ü

also Courage Phils-- "I cannot promise Him I wont ever offend him again coz I know I cannot keep it, but I promise to run to Him after a fall, wounds and all."
Salamat! Nakaka-encourage po... Ü

E L R o i said...

Thanks for the comments and for reading guys....

I totally agree with what you said here, it only shows that God is truly working in each and everyone of us. We just need to have faith and believe and always go back to Him whenever we make mistakes. Time will come that we will no longer do such detestable things. God knows exactly when will that time be.

God bless brothers!

stanw said...

Thank you for your honesty my friend. Often I think, how does God love as He loves?, but then I know I am relating it to human love and there is simply no comparison. From God we receive perfect love and as you said, amazing grace, we are so blessed. May God strengthen you each day and give you victories you never thought possible. I repeat what you said, Thank you Lord Jesus Christ.

E L R o i said...

You're welcome my dear brother. Proverbs 24:26 says an honest answer is like a kiss on the lips. Honest confession brings healing. We're weak as a human and we cannot live without Jesus, we need Him to live accordingly to His will. Let's chat sometime if you don't mind. You can write me thru my email. Thanks and God bless!

bath mate said...

God is more graceful

Bathmate