John
Piper and Justin Taylor are the general editors of this wonderful book, which
is mostly a collection of now polished talks given at a certain conference by
the other six contributors including Joni Eareckson Tada. I got this as a token
from Logos Hope through my German brother in Christ and good friend when he
invited me a couple of months back as one of the speakers in the CoH workshop.
And I was so glad to have and read this book for it gave me a better and
brighter view on suffering and God’s sovereignty not to mention that He has
spoken to me through some few chapters, which truly touched my heart and
brought me to tears, and led me to really pray. I am beginning to be convinced
that book is the Lord’s favorite means when He wants to speak to me personally.
Whenever
something terrible happens to us, more often than not, we ask ourselves or God
Himself the question, “why me?” Well, I
asked this question when I got infected with HIV and when I became a Christian,
I asked the same question with my homosexual struggles. Why not ask the other
way around like, “why not me?” Surely, nothing bad or evil can come from God
but He can ordain or allow it to happen like what happened to Job. Somehow I am
already aware of this fact but it was strengthen more by this book and see
pains, suffering, sickness, poverty, child abuse of all forms and other
difficulties in this world a new light. For obvious reason in my case, I got to
know the Lord Jesus Christ through HIV but the tussle really came when I
struggled about calling it a blessing or a gift so allow me to share some of
the important knowledge I have learned from Piper and his colleagues.
In
my five years and six months journey with Jesus, He has shown me God’s
sovereignty on everything as in ALL things in this world including ALL the good
and the bad things for such work altogether for good to those who believes in
Him (Rom. 8:28). C.S. Lewis said, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks
in our conscience, but shouts in our pains; it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf
world.” Clearly in my deafness, God used HIV to call me for His kingdom.
The
reality and depth of pain are in the Bible but also we can find in it, hope,
hope for the pain and suffering. Most importantly, we are all able to get
through all these pain and hardships by and through the amazing grace of God.
His grace is abounding and overflowing not during the good times but during
suffering, pain and struggles. In my case, Lord’s grace is overflowing each
time I fall and be able to get down on my knees, pray and ask for forgiveness
and strength. God can raise us out of our hopelessness and meet suffering in
His terms in the same way we can meet joy in His terms and not ours so that we
can pass hope on to others like what I do in “channels of hope” ministry. Why?
All these, HIV&AIDS, homosexual or SSA struggle, all other sins such as
pride, selfishness, disobedience, hardships, calamities, sickness, and all the
evil things in this world whether it is caused by our own sinfulness or it just
happened despite of our obedience to Him, had happened so that you and I would
rely not on (myself) but on God who raises the dead (2 Cor. 1:9).
Piper
talked about not wasting a cancer for that was the suffering he experienced so
I replaced this with HIV and homosexual struggle as I read it. I believe that
God can heal me physically, by medicine or miracle, as well as my sexual
brokenness so it is right to pray for both healing. HIV&AIDS is not wasted
when God heals it for He gets the glory, that’s why HIV&AIDS exists. If not
healed, God still gets the glory if we will only cling on to Him because by His
grace He will sustain us.
HIV
and SSA sharpen my awareness of how thoroughly God has already and always been
at work in every detail of my life. If you are following this blog, you are a
witness of this. In the testing ground of evils, our faith becomes deep and
real, and our love becomes purposeful and wise (Powlison).
Satan
designs to kill and destroy us, and our love for Christ but God designs to
deepen our love for Christ. HIV&AIDS does not win if I die; it wins if I
fail to cherish Christ. Satan meant it for evil but God meant it for good (Gen.
50:20, Piper). A great, life-threatening illness like HIV or life-threatening
weakness can prove amazingly freeing. Nothing is left for me to do except to be
loved by God and others, and to love God and others (Powlison).
My
HIV is not a waste for I believe it was designed (or ordained) for me and led
me to seek comfort from God, think about death, cherish Christ and deepen my
relationship with Jesus, treat sin like never before, have hope, and use it as
a means of witness to the truth and glory of Christ. Finally, therefore, I have
fully accepted that HIV may seem to be a curse at first but now that God has
turned it into a blessing, I am now okay to call it a gift. The blessing comes
in what God does for us, with us, and through us. He brings His great and
merciful redemption onto the stage of the curse (Powlison) like what He has
done to me. I made my greatest advances in holiness on the hardest days of my
life. It brings me to His presence, not to be sinless but to sin less, which
makes suffering (like my SSA, sexual and other struggles in life) meant to wean
me from sin and strengthen my faith. This thought made me most satisfied in Him
where He is most glorified as Taylor said.
I
was so blessed by Piper’s conclusion for it was my sentiment so allow me to end
this entry with that.
“God,
if you love your glory infinitely and you are more glorified in me when I am
more satisfied in you, and my sin is being manifest by the slowness of my being
satisfied in you totally, then it must be that the struggle that I am having
with my own sin will somehow in someway cause me to be more satisfied in you.
Someday, I’ll look back on my own sin when I’m in heaven and say, ‘How could
such grace have carried on with me?’ and I’ll love His grace more than I ever
would have, had I made progress more quickly.”
That’s
terribly dangerous to say for it might lead us to sin more but the Bible has
warned us to be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect. And everyday that we
fail, be in our face giving thanks to the cross of Christ.
If
someone will ask, “Why there are so much suffering and why the process of
sanctification so slow?” It is because we (and the whole world) are so evil but
God is sovereign. He can do whatever He wants for His glory for He is God.
If
you want more, get and read this book and be blessed. Shalom!
