"Let's not continue doing this, it will all over be the same again. It feels good and happy on the first few weeks but will end up sooner or later, with each other being left hurt and heart broken."
These are the words uttered by this guy to my surprise and astonishment in the middle of our cuddling and kissing that day. Oh yes! I almost did it again just the other day. This person is the same guy I have sinned with the third and last time. I met him during the HBC training and we became close friends. He was broken hearted then and need someone to talk to whom he can truly trust. I have offered because honestly, I am attracted to him. I took the chance to know him personally so the mystery of attraction will melt away like what I usually do. Unfortunately this time, it did not work. The more I get to know him, the more I want to be with him that's why since then we became closer. Lord knows I do not want this and I did not expect this to happen.
I have been through with the entire possible struggle that is sex related, from flirting to cruising, masturbation, voyeurism, casual sex and pornography. I never thought that I would have to go through with ED or emotional dependency as well because it is more difficult according to those who have experienced it. I surmise this friendship I have with him can possibly develop into that if I did not put some action plan to stop it. We're both happy when we're together and we miss each other when we're apart.
When I confessed this to one of my pastors and counselors from the church, he said I need to set some boundaries or limitations. Good thing that this friend of mine have made a stand that he don't want me to go back to my old life completely for him; that I am already on the right track of my life and happy with it. He's right with that because from the very beginning I already told him my stand on homosexuality, all the things I have learned why I am trying to live my life away from it and that I am a Christian who is currently going through the process of being change by God.
I think I am falling for him that's why that moment I think I am ready to go with him and backslide. He did not want that but instead, he wants me to fulfill the promises which God has made for me and stick with it.
My counselor advised me that I do not have to evade him completely. Since he made a stand, he believed that I can lead him to Christ only I need to control myself, set limitations and pray for him. I need to follow that because in the first place, the reason why I befriended this guy honestly is to show him that living and suffering for Christ is way much better than living in slavery.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians5:1. Gay lifestyle is living in slavery, sexual addiction, relationships and other habits which make the person more addicted to it, depressed and feeling empty in the end without realizing it.
Thank God that He's truly in control and He's still protecting me despite of my wrong decisions in life. Praise God Almighty!