D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

God's Trick

I guess the PR or Pityriasis Rosea which I considered as God's trick that will keep me from acting out my sinful desires did not work after all.

How stupid of me to think that this skin rash all over my body will keep the guys away from me. Last week I have decided to meet this guy in person finally with the thought of just plain talking. We had a good conversation over the internet and the more he knows me the more he's interested to see me. Also there's attraction and desire to meet him that I can't ignore which pushed me to end up seeing him.

In short, I fell into the enemy's trap. He insisted that I pick him up at the office where he works only to find out that we were alone in that place. And it happened right then and there.

Again after several months of clean living I have failed Jesus and it's killing me. But there's one thing I realized, I thought that if I did it again I will go back to my old sinful lifestyle. I will backslide.....but I was wrong. I realized that I cannot turn my back on God. Instantaneously I have confessed and asked for His grace and forgiveness. I thank and praise God for that.

Knowing that I can no longer live this life without the Lord Jesus Christ caused me to hold on to Him more. When you experienced God's love and faithfulness in unfathomable way, you will realize that you really need Jesus to live this life righteously and that's what occurred to me.

God affirmed me through Lamentations 3:22-23. His compassion fails not for they are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness. Everyday is a brand new start for us to get ourselves right with God. Truly our gracious God is a God if second chances!

Not only have I failed Jesus, also my Pastor and my mentor, and probably some of you and my friends. God has forgiven me. I am sorry.

4 comments:

stanw said...

Despite how you feel about what happened, you got up and kept going and that is a tribute to the Lord who is doing a good work in you. Our God certainly is gracious and He gives us second chances (often 70 x 7 + chance I have found). Your honesty and fortitude in all this challenges me, thank you dear brother. In all our struggles and failures we know there is one Solid Rock we can turn to.

E L R o i said...

Thanks brother I am so encouraged by your words! Truly you are a blessing even we are thousand miles apart! I really appreciate it bro! May God bless you in ministering to people like me.

Madeleine Weston said...

Your fate is very interesting. I've read several of your articles and your admiration of g-d is amazing.
Do you live mundane life too? :-)

E L R o i said...

Hi Madeleine! Thanks for reading my blogs! My life is pretty exciting actually and full of surprises usually coming from God so I can say that I am living a somewhat extraordinary and interesting life! As long as you have Jesus with you and you fully surrender to Him everything even sometimes you don't want to or feel to.....life will be always very exciting and interesting. :) God bless you!