And I Am Going to Japan

Since I stopped working to study full time more than two years ago, I pray each year to God that He brings me to a certain place outside the country.

Earlier this year I applied for a 

scholarship to attend the International AIDS Conference in Melbourne, Australia with high hopes as I prayed for this a dream country for me. A month ago I got an email telling me that it was denied so I told myself it was not yet time. Three days after, I got an invitation from Logos Hope to go to Japan where they are presently docked to teach and share my experience on dealing with the most controversial and yet unresolved issue in Christianity and the church...and that is homosexuality. Unexpectedly, I got my visa in just three days after I filed my application and told myself that this is where God really wants me to go and minister to brothers and sisters in Christ from different parts of the world. 

What can I say in awe but “God you are simply amazing!” To all who prayed and still praying for this mission trip you know who you are, thank you so very much from the bottom of my heart. And to the person who paid for the visa-processing fee, God bless you more! I will be leaving in three days praying for His provisions, protection and anointing. Thank you and praise you Lord!

Summer 2014

My vacation has started officially last week right after I have submitted my last final paper. It was a bit challenging school year indeed for it was where I had my comprehensive exam and internship. Both went very well because I was able to pass and hit the target grade I aimed for the exam. While for the internship, visiting the Yolanda typhoon survivors in Ormoc and counseling the youth from the foundation where the interns has placed were great and amazing learning experiences. God has been so good and faithful all through out and I know He will continue to be as I enter, hopefully, my last year in the program. But there are a couple of challenges I am facing on and have to come up with a decision very very soon.

First, now that I am approaching the end of my studies I was challenged to go on for a thesis track and have one. Originally, I enrolled for 60 units Masters Degree in Pastoral Counseling non-thesis track but my desire for further studies in the future made me realize that it would be a huge advantage if I have a thesis. According to the people I talked with, most institutions will require a thesis before allowing someone to enroll in a doctorate program. Scholarship, finances and topic are the three major concerns that make me somehow ambivalent but without these issues I would love to go for it.

And second, well, my savings surely will not be enough to sustain me for another year thus; I really need to have a work as early as this month. I guess, I can both work and finish my studies this time if ever I will have a thesis for I have one or two remaining subjects to take. There are a couple of job opportunities that came my way. I just need to hear clearly from the Lord which one or neither of one for they are both far from the type of work I have been praying for.

Most people encouraged me to go for a thesis and get either one of the jobs not only they believe so much in me but moreover, they strongly believe that God will provide and lead the way. Honestly, as embarrassing as it is to admit, this is what I have been struggling with lately but I guess I just have to really trust and believe that God will carry me through with all these for what He started, He finishes. He is good and faithful. In the meantime, while waiting, I will enjoy my vacation and do some things to prepare. Please continue to pray with me if ever you will get to read this…really appreciate it. God bless and Shalom to everyone! 

37th Birthday and Many Others

Several things have occurred since the last time I posted here so let me reflect on them one by

one.

First, I have my first couple counseling from the church that began late last year. It was going well even if it’s a bit challenging for they are my close friends until something happened. One person and then a couple whom they were trusting to betrayed them with one of the issues we were working on. I am the kind of person who highly value trust and confidentiality hence, this unexpected event has affected me. It made me realize that even some devout Christians can be blinded and commit wrong move by confessing someone else’s issue to church leaders that could affect relationship without thinking the effect of their action. And the result…conflict and broken trust and friendship.

Second, I got invited again, that’s second month in a row, to speak before the young people of this small church in Pasig on “Preparing While Waiting” for their Valentine Masquerade Ball. Indeed it was truly a blessing for many who heard God’s message through me, got inspired and felt very happy including the pastor of the church. The young people were still raving about it and the event after few more days according to my pastor friend. Personally, I was also blessed by the message the Lord has led me to prepare. This was followed immediately by a very fruitful and heart warming conversation over coffee with my newly found BFF from the school just sharing some deepest core of our lives. All these deserve honoring and praising God!

Third, finally I was able to meet one the followers of this blog who was in need of a brother to share his life with now that he is HIV+ like me. Similarly it was a blessed time for this young man for he is carrying this new challenge in his life very well. Thank you Lord for using this online journal to help and inspire other people. This is all for your glory Lord.

Fourth, truly when God use you as a channel of His blessings, the enemy is always at work to bring you down. The cross of SSA struggle was a bit difficult for me these past few weeks in the midst of all these events and school stuff. Whether in thoughts, in heart or in action, sin is sin and I have not been victorious in any of these three areas. But there’s no turning back…I have committed my life to Him and as long as His grace and mercy and His forgiveness flows, I will never ever give up on myself for I know Jesus will never give up on me. I have been dealing with some disappointments from the church aside from the above-mentioned incident. I learned I was not part of the church leadership anymore without giving me enough reasons. I know my shortcoming if there is but I just wish it was explained. I guess I need to apply my own teaching in “Dealing with Disappointments” early this year and have to wait on this and watch myself out from unhealthy thoughts and feelings. Well, God has a purpose for everything and that I put my trust.

With all these that have happened, I actually broke down to tears when a good friend of mine from the church simply asked how was I a couple of Sundays ago. I surmise everything has bottled up inside that I needed to let it out so thank God for his shoulder to cry on and for the comforting hug. Bless you brother!

And lastly, well it is my 37^th birthday today! Thank you God for the 37 years of gift of life. I did not realize that I could reach this age after what happened to me eight years ago. The best thing that ever happened to me was getting to know the Lord and be chosen in spite of my unworthiness to be a part and be in service of His Kingdom. Thank You Lord for everything especially for continuously upholding me in your right hand.

And to all the followers and readers of this blog…thank you and God bless!

When God Prompted Me...and The Reality of His Love

Early last week, I gave a talk on Dealing with Disappointment at a camp of this Christian school of high school students, without much preparation (in cramming mode actually) and just letting and trusting God to lead. I have never planned to share how the Lord has called me through my testimony and just discuss the usual disappointments that young people encounters nowadays and explore the healthy ways of dealing with it. But God has His ways that is sometimes mysterious but this time, it was inevitably surprising! And it came towards the end of my talk when we were in time for questions.

When a student asked me "Sir, what your biggest disappointment in life is and how you were able to deal with it?" and immediately, I recognized that it was the Lord who prompted that question and urged me to share. Honestly I was not ready and like I have said it was not planned. So I paused for a very brief moment, hoping I was wrong but surely I was not hence, I did and we were all blessed! I must say that it was one of the shortest versions of my story I have ever did but I guess it was just enough. It was not an HIV&AIDS workshop anyway. I know and I am sure there were young people who were touched and really blessed if not all of them.

Truly the Lord never ceases to surprise me like that. Thank you Lord for reminding me that it is not my story to tell but only yours...not meant to be kept but share. Praise God!

The only challenge whenever God uses us for His kingdom is that the enemy is not happy with it. Therefore they will do whatever they can, targeting our ultimate weaknesses to destroy us and dishearten us with our journey with the Lord Jesus. They know exactly when and where to attack. What I am trying to say is that…after a little more than six years of being a Christian, I still struggle with SSA, sexual desires and other selfish stuff. Sometimes I am victorious but there are times I am not to be honest. But God is so merciful and abounding in grace. That even when I fail (or much better to admit I have sinned) and seemed unfaithful, He never fails and stay faithful. Hey, that’s the best way of dealing disappointments and failures…turning to Christ!

Oh dear Lord, thank you for stubbornly loving an unworthy person like me. Only You can truly change me so I will forever simply put my trust in you.

Sixth Year is Christmas 2013

Nothing special occurred to me this Christmas only it was my sixth celebration as a Christian. Two Christmas ago, I remembered the Lord has spoken to me through the “Cat & Dog Theology” book and I was enlightened in a way like it was the first time I saw the light. This time, I am still in the middle of reading “One Sided Christianity” by R.J. Sider and my heart is being moved to respond beyond what I am currently doing with the HIV&AIDS ministry and pray for more involvement in social transformation and more on evangelization at the same time.

Honestly in the past few weeks after that trip in Ormoc, it seems to me although I am not sure yet, that God is putting a new desire in my heart. Aside from the HIV work through CoH or Channels of Hope, which remains my first love in terms of ministry, and counseling I guess I am starting to like to go on a mission abroad but I am still praying about it for it could be only the effect of that wonderful experience in Ormoc and of this book. However, I know I have to continuously do my calling and go where the Lord is asking me to go no matter what.

Moreover, six years ago, December 13^th, to be exact was the day when I have yielded my life to God the Heavenly Father and asked Jesus Christ to be my Lord and Savior. A lot of things have happened, a lot of things have changed but few things remain in which I believe God has still a purpose. Knowing and living for Christ alone must go on…thank you Lord for the gift of life. Through rejoicing and suffering, joy and pain, obedience and rebellion, victory and failures, may you continue to transform me towards becoming the man that you have wanted me to become…a man after your own heart… may I continue to die with Christ and also live with Him, continue to endure and also reign with Him (2 Tim. 2:11-12) all for your glory and honor.

Merry Christmas and a Blessed New Year to everyone!

Typhoon Yolanda Ormoc Survivors Psychosocial Processing (PSP) Experience - A Reflection

For the first time in my whole life, the only time I cried over the news on TV was on the huge devastation and inconceivable effect left by typhoon Yolanda to the people of Visayas. As a Christian, I was deeply moved that I have prayed to God that He give me an opportunity to take my part and do it for the affected people. Thus, when ATS announced that teams would be sent to do stress debriefing to our brothers and sisters in some parts of the region I instantly signed up. I just knew that this was the chance the Lord has given me and I have to go. With my professor and eight other team members, whom mostly I have just met, I went prepared for anything.

The day came and I was still bothered with the possibilities of discomfort I might experience, working with people I was not close to, and fear of being not able to provide the help. Nonetheless, I was more excited for this trip as I surrendered all of these worries to the Lord. To be able to sleep in a barangay hall instead in a tent and use a clean toilet and bath in a neighborhood church, which the Pastor one of the team members befriended with just a few hours when we arrived, was an answered prayer already. After meeting Pastor Paul, we learned that it seems impossible to visit the places that were planned prior to the arrival so we just prayed and let the hands of God lead us to maximize our stay. On our first day, we got invited to join the Dawn Watch Prayer by the pastors. From there, we were able to talk to pastors from different churches and all of a sudden our second day was already filled up. And then, I believe the Lord has brought the team to minister to this neighbor church and they were all blessed and grateful after the debriefing process. We wrapped up our first day by ministering to the barangay Purok leaders and evening devotion. The second and last day was spent with seven different churches were the team spread out to preach for the Sunday service for most of us, followed by the PSP. It was only perfect to end this trip with the sharing of all our striking experiences on our last evening that have truly blessed each and every members of the team.

As we listened to the prayers of pastors in Dawn Watch, I have learned that they view this calamity as God’s punishment to our sinfulness that I think was strongly influenced by this particular prophecy they kept mentioning for this region. In response, I have introduced to the people I talked to the God who revealed Himself to me as a loving and compassionate God in the midst of a life disaster, which I personally experienced. I have learned that to feel doubt about our God and the words we preach is a normal reaction in times like this. But irrefutably, I was greatly encouraged and touched by their faith despite of the losses they have experienced in which I have seen as their way of protecting themselves from deep pain and more questions. Hence, I helped people to lament and pour out to God what they truly feel with the disaster through this PSP. The result was astoundingly indeed a blessing for all of us that their hope to spring back was intensified and they have wished that we would come back for others. Also in the midst of a blow, I cannot ignore the fact that natural evilness of human can also maneuvered the situation such as politicking a simple relief-goods giving and that really infuriated me quietly. Largely, I was truly amazed by the faith and hope of the survivors to hold on and very strong will shown by the smiles on their lips to have their life back.

One of the utmost impact on me was the decision made by this pastor, whom his church I was assigned to minister, that in spite of his option to leave the city he opted not to but stayed to attend to his members even he and his own family experienced the same losses. Truly, obeying to God’s calling to us brings real joy and meaning to life in which not only brought me out of my comfort zone but also made me do things I thought could not do such as preaching and living in discomfort through taking part in a portion of suffering of my fellow countrymen. Indeed we are at our happiest when we serve Him at the right place and at the right time.

School, Health and HIV Ministry

Thank You Lord for being there in every step of the way. Truly, " Without good direction, people lose their way; the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances" (Proverbs 11:14, MSG) and "Plans are established by seeking advice; so if you wage war, obtain guidance" (Proverbs 20:18, NIV). After weeks of seeking God's will and guidance for this semester through counseling and advice seeking from wise friends, finally I got enrolled with peace in my heart...no worries or doubts but excitement and a looking-forward attitude! I have only one subject and one semester remaining after this school year and I will graduate earlier than I have planned.

As for my health, four weeks ago I did all my regular medical laboratory check up such as FBS, cholesterol, creatinine, and other numbers that need monitoring including CD4 test or number of Commanding Officers white blood cells that is responsible in keeping our immune system healthy and well functioning. Virtually all the results are in normal range and the CD4 cells has increased to a whooping 631 from 457 last year praise God! Healthy lifestyle physically, mentally, emotionally but more importantly, spiritually is truly the way towards healthy living! Thank you Lord for this miracle, another proof that God still heals today!

Last week, for the first time in my five years of traveling, I have encountered challenges from check-in to immigration on my way to Bangkok to participate at the pre-conference of interfaith networks on AIDS in Asia at ICAAP 11 or International Conference on AIDS in Asia Pacific. As I was waiting for things to happen whether I can get through or not, I was reminded how I got in this situation from the start and asked God if I was really in the right place or if it is really His will to be here. But one thing I have noticed with myself was…I have never been that calm and at peace in a stressful situation like that, and believed that things will go well if this is God’s will. In fact I was able to finish several pages of the book that is a required reading at school, while waiting. Well, I told myself, “If this was the old me, I could have ranted and simply backed out and went home.” Thus, who says people cannot change? But moreover, and I believed this is the best thing I realized in the situation…I have simply trusted the Lord and let Him take over of the situation instead of yielding up to worrying and stressing myself out. Hmmm…Lord thank you so much for I think you have changed me and still changing me to become the man that you truly want me to become.

Aside from meeting and becoming friends with some few of the key people in the Interfaith Network of Religious Leaders Living with HIV&AIDS (INERELA) and Asia Interfaith Network on AIDS (AINA), very briefly I was tasked to present the plan for the Philippines as we engage in AINA. For now, I am still uncertain of the reason why the Lord has brought me in this conference. Perhaps it’s more of building my network, testing my faith and the truth I believe in, and reaffirming my true calling in Jesus as I met and talked with this very strong HIV+ woman Pastor and a couple of faith leaders in same-sex relationships for the first time. Nevertheless, I praise the Lord and thank Him for this short but still blessed trip.