I had my one on one with my spiritual counselor last week and then I talked and opened up my life to our church leader and it revealed me two things. Though I am well aware of these things, it's just this time only when I realized that it is really deep and should be fixed as soon as possible. It's not that easy that's why I am praying to God on this.
My struggle as a Christian is my same sex attraction and the flashbacks of my past life that comes along with it from time to time. It's like a war or battle in the mind that sometimes triggers my sexual or physical desires to burn up. I became HIV positive because of my homosexual struggle which I thought at first that engaging into gay lifestyle will free myself and make me happy only to end up empty, depressed, dirty and worst of all sick with a life-threatening disease. Now that I am living a Christian life and doing God's work in a ministry, I came to a realization that I need to address these two things which I am pretty sure will greatly affect positively to my healing sexually.
First thing I realized is that I have experienced those difficulties and failures because of disobedience to God and not having a personal relationship with Him, though I have mentioned this in my previous postings already. Now that I have surrendered my life and accepted the Lord as my personal Lord and Savior 7 months ago to be exact, the second thing I realized that I need to restore is my relationship to my father and then eventually to the whole family. These are the root cause of everything that happened to me and it's alright because in God's time everything will be restored the way it should be.
I praise and thank the Lord for turning my life upside down, shifting it to a 180 degrees turn. I am now enjoying my life as a Christian and happy doing God's work or ministry while blessing other people's lives every time I give my testimony to them whether on HIV & AIDS workshop that I am doing or on TV or radio invitations. I am glad and blessed that God send people into my life that will help me live the kind of life He wanted me to be.
I pray that the Lord will help me and continue to shower me with the blessings of His wisdom and courage to carry out His works. Also I pray that He will make a way and touch the lives of other HIV positive people I know to come to God and build a relationship with Him through Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.