I have spent the past nine days in Cebu for the training of facilitators batch two for Channels of Hope or COH. This time together with other facilitators from the first batch, I acted as a co-trainer under the mentorship of Christo Greyling.
The training was successful and we had a great time working all together. My foster mother from Palawan and I were re-united for she was one of the participants as well as my own doctor. We were also able to spend some time together.
I left the city with a heavy heart. Somehow I was attached to this guy from the hotel that I am attracted to and when I showed special attention to him and he did not respond, I must admit my pride and feelings was hurt. This was what I got from doing stupid things like that. I know I should have not done that in the first place. What triggered me to do that was because he was nice to me and I like him. Not only that I have sinned but it also made me feel bad after doing such. I felt so cheap that time that's why I did not even say goodbye to him nor smile at him on my last day there. Yes I cried upon leaving for it's like another death to my own self. Nonetheless, it was over and I am alright now. It's just one of my dumbness when it comes to my SSA struggle. Oh Lord, how long will it take for me to bear things like this?
On the brighter side, I was able to get to ride finally on the world's first edge coaster and have seen the beauty of Cebu city! Next visit probably I will do the sky walk.
It was a memorable trip indeed for I not only enjoyed it but also got the realization that I must really stop acting on my desires for men even in small ways which I think harmless initially. I must stop and focus on Jesus more.