D R . E L R O I


Friday, January 23, 2009

Celibacy & Struggle

Dear readers, last Monday marked the 10th month since I have started my self vow to celibate for the Lord Jesus Christ. I can't remember if I promise this to Him but up to this point I would still be adamant in doing this as long as I can with God's grace.

It's not easy because the temptations are every where and the call of nature for it is sometimes very intense. If you're going to ask me how can I do this, all I can say is it is not me. The Lord is in control and only by His grace that I can do it so I give back all the honor, praise and worship to God. This may sound or look ridiculous and impossible to many but it is true!

Honestly, I don't know until when I could do this because I am still human after all, full of imperfections and still struggling with same sex attraction! I believe as a Christian this is my cross that I need to take as long as I live aside from being HIV positive. All of us have struggles and we need to be thankful for it because it keeps us closer to God. Therefore, every time I feel a sexual urge I think about the Lord and His words from 1 Corinthian 6:18-20. So far it helps me to be victorious.

Following Jesus Christ is hard but there is this inner peace and contentment and excitement at the same time as to what will happen next into my life. This journey with the Lord is a combination of happiness and sadness, the former due to the assurance that God will always be there for me no matter what. The latter is because of the test and struggle when the Lord wants to bring out something inside me to deal with in order for me to become a good person and steward of His kingdom.

I must admit that I have tendencies to resort to other addictions in relation to my SSA struggle such as internet pornography, cruising at the mall and dirty chatting. The enemy is giving me the thought that I have a huge sacrifice with the celibacy I am doing and I deserve diversities like these, somehow as a human but it is wrong. I know it will only fuel the sexual desires in me which I am trying to avoid.

My prayer to God is to be patient with me as I struggle to break free of my idols of addiction, presenting to Him all my addictions and secret desires and to help me risk believing that He still loves me anyway. I also pray that He will give me the courage to confess all my sins to my counselors in the church. Please pray for me.

I'll be doing the "Channels of Hope" workshop again next week in one of the World Vision's ADP in Palawan and this time I will be leading the facilitation. Praise God!

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