D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Bitter - Sweet Victory

I am very glad that I have chosen to do the right things which is not to have sex with the two guys I have mentioned in my previous blog. To choose Jesus is not easy especially if you already made your decision not to.

Though I've made up my mind, I told it to the people I am accountable with except to my pastor though he found out later on so that they can pray for me hoping that by some miracle my decision will be changed. Sunday last week I prayed for that miracle and it happened. The Lord has spoken to me about freedom and that's when I realized that Jesus has freed me long time ago. All I have to do is to live by that freedom. In short, I have painfully changed my decision not to do it and chose Jesus instead.

Not only that, I also have decided to do most of the restitution God has asked me to do back in Baguio during the Nazarite training. I asked forgiveness and told the truth about my HIV status to almost all of the guys I have sex with after my diagnosis. They have forgiven me and thank God they are negative!

I have to do the remaining restitution in the coming weeks for I have decided to live holy and pure and will try not to have even a hint of sexual immorality of course with the aid of God's grace, Ephesians 5:3.

Bitter victory because I literally cried inside and out over the death to this desire miserably and I know that temptations will always be there to test me. Sweet victory because I believed I have pleased God and I have felt I am really free from this bondage, hoping and praying that I will be stronger for the succeeding battle. This victory has given me the courage to do the restitution I must do for I strongly believed God has given me the grace to do it.

One of these two guys sympathized with me upon learning my situation. We talked personally and I ended up sharing with him the goodness that the Lord has done so far in my life. God is really good all the time. Thank you Jesus!

9 comments:

stanw said...

So glad for your decision, as hard as it was. I am glad I stopped for a moment to read your post. It spoke freedom to me and encouraged me to not even dream of that 'one more time' thing. Glad you were able to speak to one of the guys and tell him your struggle and of the Lord. You never know what it may do in his heart as a witness.

God bless.

E L R o i said...

Thanks stanw for the prayers, you're a huge part of this victory but I need not to be too confident because the enemy will always be there to look for an opportunity to attack but God will never leave me nor forsake. Thank your reading my blog I really appreciate it. People like you inspires me more to do the right thing but of course Jesus is the main reason. God bless my dear friend.

Courage Philippines said...

Dying to oneself is the hardest thing to do for a Christian, yet it is the surest and safest way there is.

May the grace of God keep us free from giving in to temptations.

God bless.

E L R o i said...

Amen to that bro! God Bless you too.

Giraffe Pen (기린 만년필) said...

E L R oi, my name's Haydn and I'm friends with StanW. I an Australian Christian who struggles with homosexuality, though I don't have HIV/ AIDS as you do. I was very fortunate to have never contracted it, because all the gay sex that I had before was unprotected.
I'm married now to a Korean and have two kids. It's so encouraging to read the story of God's work in your life. You're a real inspiration and I can only thank God for His goodness in saving you. He can grow and use you in spite of everything. I'm now following your blog :)

Love Haydn. HUG!

Giraffe Pen (기린 만년필) said...

PS - if you're on Facebook, you can add me. My name's Haydn Sennitt.

E L R o i said...

Thanks Haydn I'm glad to read something from you and I agree God is always good, actually He's the best! I have facebook but under my real identity. This is just an alter ego of me and I love it.

I am happy that you are married. You are a testimony that God can heal sexual brokenness and can have a normal marrried life. I am desiring now actually to have a wife and kids but in God's time and if it His will I have faith that it will happen. Thank you for visiting my blog, this is an online diary for me. God bless you my brother.

Giraffe Pen (기린 만년필) said...

:) Thanks. Changing to do things GOD's way is so hard at first, but it does get easier and its fruit will eventually bear itself it, if it isn't already. Keep running the good race, brother, and God will always be with you :) HUG.

E L R o i said...

You are welcome and same here! God bless you always :)