D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

New Desire

Hello readers!

For the past few weeks I have been feeling this new desire in me. A desire to have a relationship with a woman and to get married!

I've got a crush on this beautiful girl in our church but every time I see and talk to her, the more my desire to be with her intensifies. If you're going to ask me, I like her to be my wife but if God has other girl for me I pray that she'll be like her or even better. This girl knows everything about me and we're very close friends now. Lord knows that I am satiated being a single and serving Him because of my health condition but if it His will for me to have a wife and a family then so be it God; but please prepare my heart and soul for this. This is totally unfamiliar to me.

I do not know God's reason why on earth the book "Boy Meets Girl" by Joshua Harris is in my hands and currently reading the 5th chapter. It's about courtship with a purpose that will eventually lead to a God-blessed marriage, like a match made in heaven. God knows I am not ready for this so I have decided to enjoy the book and learn from it. Also I will just enjoy my friendship with this girl pro tempore.

Totally healed from sexual brokenness is what I want when I get into a relationship with a woman but it does not seem the God's plan for me. I believe He will give me a partner who will help me in this healing process.

Honestly, I am a little scared but happy and excited! Could this be the time where God is gradually changing my heart?
I hope this kind of feeling perpetuates. Thank you Lord Jesus Christ! Shalom!

10 comments:

stanw said...

Hi my friend,

Wow, it seems that you are a bit excited about the one who would be your wife and that is a good thing. May God guide you in every decision you make, this is awesome! Cheerin' for you.

Stan

little love said...

kuya, go for it. be blessed. =)

E L R o i said...

Thanks Stanw for your continuous prayer and encouragement. You are right I am a bit excited about this but at the same time the same sex dilemma I am struggling with also intensifies for I am facing a lot of temptations everyday so I need more prayer. Be blessed my friend!

Little love, thanks. Why little when you can make it big? Just asking...God bless.

BIG LOVE said...

you got a point po. =) i've been asking the doctor about the vaccines and she told me that the vaccines has nothing to do with the result nga talaga. it's just me. natatakot po ko kaya its hard for me to believe. i'm not in the high-risk group po. pero syempre, we can never be sure of some things except God's love. is an ELISA test accurate after 3 months after possible exposure? got so many questions but wala naman po ko mapagtanungan.

E L R o i said...

Well we can no longer say who's who in the high risk group so let's stop using that because everyone can be infected by this....anyway, ELISA is accurate even the rapid testing...u can send questions to my email...dr.elroi@gmail.com

Jay said...

I really don't know that much about HIV. Is it possible for you to get married and have a sexual relationship with your wife without passing the virus onto her? Even if you used protection, it would seem that the risk would be too high, don't you think?

E L R o i said...

HIV is the virus that destroys the immune system and eventually will lead to AIDS if there's no medication or ARV. I am taking ARV and it brought down my viral load to the lowest level that the possibility of infecting my future wife will be very low but of course we need to take necessary precautions like condom use. To conceive a baby, I need to wait when she's really fertile then that's the only time that I won't use a condom. That's how the pastor I've met from South Africa did. He has two daughters both negative including his wife but the only time he did not use a condom was only twice, when they conceive the two babies.

Jay said...

Even so, wouldn't it have been possible for him to infect his wife those two times? Wouldn't it be much safer to adopt? And condoms break. I know that HIV is very manageable, but since it's an incurable disease, I wouldn't want to take any risk whatsoever to infect someone. Don't you think that, because of the virus, it could be best to possibly see yourself as a biblical eunuch and remain celibate in this particular situation?

E L R o i said...

Yes, but he did not infect her. Condoms do not break, the user must know how to use it correctly and consistently. I used to have the same view as yours but after meeting him and attending several workshops on HIV and AIDS with biblical perspective I was convinced that yes it is really possible but of course you are correct that the couple took or will be taking a risk. If it's God's will it will happen whatever your situation is. Besides, not all people especially people living with HIV can celibate forever! HIV cannot stop them believe me.

Jay said...

If he did infect his wife, or his unborn child, would you also say that was God's will? Saying that something is God's will just doesn't give a person the right to partake in risky behavior. If I heard a voice from God and decided to play with a loaded gun, is it God's will if I got shot? I do believe that God is sovereign, but I simply don't think that takes our judgment about safety out of the equation.

And I think anyone could be celibate if they worked at it. We choose to have sex, and we can also choose not to. It's not that big of a deal, when you think about it.

God bless.