Revelations@39

That feeling of being on your last year of a certain decade of your life (30’s this time) was felt once again…that mixed emotions of looking forward but with a little bit of fear about getting old.I have these feelings when I was 19 and 29 but I noticed that the fear is slowly increasing or getting stronger and the excitement or looking forward is somewhat steady. Yes I got to admit that especially if you are single like me and “unsuccessful” by this world standard. While my batch mates and longtime friends are living and building their own homes, driving their own cars, buying real estates and raising a family...here I am still renting, commuting, and getting by financially one day to a month at a time. Am I envious or do I long for those things too? Well I’d be fooling myself if I say NO even just for a bit however I guess it is just normal…a bit envy and just enough desire. However believe it or not, whenever I ask myself if I am happy in its real sense and contented, I can confidently say YES I am. I believe that is the beautiful mystery of knowing who you are in the eyes of God and living the life that God has called us to live for. Moreover, I believe this is the true “joy” in life in the midst of life’s struggles and worries wherein God has specifically revealed something to me through an article online and a text message respectively its meaning just recently.

Honestly, I do worry more often than I thought from big decision making to the smallest daily choices…finances, my freelance work (or applying for an 8-5 work for temporary security), food to eat, clothes to wear, and other small or big stuffs, name it. After my hospitalization and experiencing the faithfulness of the Lord in the areas of relationships, health in all aspects and especially on financial concerns, I thought I have changed and would not worry anymore for the way God has demonstrated how He has moved during that recent affliction was pretty amazing and overwhelming! Then I caught myself worrying again about finances and my health (despite of that miraculous healing!) a little over a week ago and this is what He has told me. “Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6–7)” According to this article by John Piper (the shortest version), anxieties and worries are forms of pride, a form of unbelief and does not like to trust in God’s future grace! “And one way to be humble is to cast all your anxieties on God. Which means that one hindrance to casting your anxieties on God is pride. Which means that undue worry is a form of pride!Faith admits the need for help. Pride won’t. Faith banks on God to give help. Pride won’t. Faith casts anxieties on God. Pride won’t.Therefore the way to battle the unbelief of pride is to admit freely that you have anxieties, and to cherish the promise of future grace in the words, “He cares for you.” Whoa! What a revelation (and a rebuke)!  As a result…I posted this verse on a sticky note on my laptop and later on my fridge so I would stop or at least try not to worry but simply TRUST and have FAITH in HIM.

Not hundred percent sure yet if this is really the reasons or meaning of what I have been through but these were the words I received from a couple of friends during my sickness. “Embrace your calling boldly and with humility. Do not fear! Many are called but few are chosen and you have been called and chosen. Trust God will accomplish His purpose for you if you OBEY and take a LEAP of FAITH. You will see how God will work in your life. HE BREATHED NEW LIFE in your body, soul, and spirit. (No eye has seen no ear has heard no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him. But God has revealed it to us by His Spirit. 1 Cor. 2:9-10.) The other one was on my birthday that says, “It’s truly a new season for you. God has refined you in the fire, you’ve come out as gold. Get ready for the blessings and greater adventures from our Lord!” Both of these words I believe has something to do with the life struggles I have been through and still going through.

Always, I am praying for a deeper and more intimate walk and relationship with God through Jesus Christ and the recent event and these words could be “it” or simply the beginning of “IT”. In spite of the same struggles in life (my SSA and all related issue, HIV or health concern, and other usual challenges) I felt God has truly “breathed a new life” in me that made me feel like a new person again after that “miraculous healing” experience! All these lead me to seek more and desire more of Him than ever before! So I guess my last words would be, “bring it on!”

25 Days of Life “Interruption” and a Miracle

Nobody would like to start their year off with something that halt a daily life routine especially if you got loads of plans and lists of things to do in your calendar. Unfortunately when sickness hits you and it requires you to be confined in a hospital bed for 25 long days, there’s nothing you can do about it but allowed your life to be “interrupted.” This interruption can be both good and bad depending on how you look at it. Of course, the suffering and pain while being treated is a thing that we are all or at least I was trying to avoid not mentioning the trouble I have caused to my family especially to my parents. But the good part of it is something the most people have failed to recognize and experience so allow me to share a number of selected “good stuff” I have perhaps personally desired and experienced in an unpredicted way.

If it were your first time to be confined that long in a hospital like me, you would be able to experience and everything that comes along with it! I have not been hospitalized in my entire life until the past almost four weeks (January 17 to February 11 to be exact). After my first and second CT Scan, the doctors could not tell whether my appendix has been ruptured or not for it remained visible according to the latest images. But according to friends and family who visited and witnessed the pain that I have been through…it was appendicitis. And if it was…truly it’s a miracle that I was and still alive! Well, the surgeons and physicians who looked after me told me that it was “medical management” what they have employed to avoid open surgery, which could result to longer recovery and other complications. Regardless, I am simply grateful that I am home.

In connection with that “miracle”, I have to say that it is a miracle for I remembered that I have been praying to experience a miraculous healing long before this interruption. Moreover, when I started to feel the pain intermittently on the appendix part several months ago, I told God over and over that I am scared and do not want to undergo any surgery. But it was more of the former so when a close friend and colleague of mine offered their family friend who has a gift of healing through prayer, immediately I said yes! It was the second day of February when this Bishop, together with other three Pastors or “prayer warriors,” came to pray for me and it was an experience I would never forget. Because of this unforgettable “miraculous healing” that have occurred to me I have learned a few things about my faith, about God and His miracle.

In one of my devotions few days before I was discharged, God has confirmed what transpired during my miracle healing. For a miracle to take place it requires my participation, which explains the unbelief in my heart that it could happen to me. Yes I want to experience a miracle healing but I have to…no I must pray to God to help me overcome my unbelief! Second it needs a quick response so after cleansing through praying for forgiveness and then praying again to overcome my unbelief, I was ready to be prayed for. Lastly, it needs a relationship and experience with Jesus that is very personal in which I already have for more than eight years. Voila! I got my miracle! No surgery needed. Although I still feel some slight pain as of this writing, the impression I have in my heart is to continue declaring each day that I am healed.

Another reflection I have was the probable cause of this very unexpected affliction. I have been praying for a much deeper and more intimate relationship with Jesus and more or less…this has become His way. John Piper said affliction helps takes the glibness of life away and makes us more serious so that our mindset is more in tune with the seriousness of God’s word. It forces us to rely more on God, which brings us more in tune with the aim of the word. It makes us search the Scriptures with greater desperation for help, rather than treating it as marginal to life. Affliction brings us into the fellowship of Christ’s sufferings so that we fellowship more closely with him and see the world more readily through his eyes. Affliction mortifies deceitful and distracting fleshly desires, and so brings us into a more spiritual frame in which fits God’s word more. All these I have felt and realized as I was talking to God each day in the hospital especially the last one for I believe this was also a spiritual attack. Oh yes my SSA struggles were and will always be a part of the bigger picture as I continue to strive living “holy” for Jesus. This “interruption” has moved me to remove and throw off things that hinders and sin that easily entangles and exert extra effort to truly fix my eyes on Him (Hebrews 12:1 -2).

These reflections are on the top of the “good” things that came out of this affliction. Aside from these reflections and learning, I have seen how God has moved in responding to my needs. The Lord has brought and mobilized each family or community He has put me in from the beginning. My church, the NGO where I have started, the Bible school where I graduated, my Amara family, and dear friends from the positive community, all of them were represented that almost everyday I have visitors to cheer me up. Moreover, through these families I have, the Lord has provided financial support that covered beyond the total hospital expenses! It felt great to be loved this way! Overwhelming!

What an unforeseen way to begin my 2016. Please continue to pray with me for complete recovery and regaining not only my strength but also the over 20 pounds I have lost! Likewise, continue to declare with me that “I am healed” for I believe in my heart that I am and truly no surgery is needed ever! Praise the Lord for another wonderful experience with Him! Thank you Jesus…thank you my dear followers and readers. Blessings!

A Year of The "Unexpecteds"

Yes, if I am going to describe the past year in a word…it should be a year of “unexpecteds” with an s

for a lot of truly surprising things happened in 2015.

First, I graduated earlier than expected. My plan was to finish around 2016 so it was a year ahead than intended not to mention that I have shifted from “non-thesis” to a “thesis” track inadvertently!

Second, the desire that God has put into my heart several months prior to graduation happened so fast and in a very unexpected way! On my last year as a student, I was thinking of how I could practice everything I learned. Then the idea of putting up a counseling and training center popped up. I shared it to a few friends and invited them to join me. I did not realize that God was already working! I later learned that two other classmates had a vision and a dream of the same idea.The ministries that God has specifically called me to serve, which is addressing the issues on HIV&AIDS, and homosexuality now has a home in AMARA Center for Family Counseling. Although each of us counselors has our own field of expertise, we are called to respond to anyone whom God will lead us to help. I will post more about AMARA next time.

Third, there was the unexpected guesting at CBN Asia with a surprise dynamics at the set. It was like the Lord has set me up so I still cannot believe that it happened! But I am grateful with the result and feedback I have received.

Fourth, passing the licensure exam for Guidance Counselors was another unexpected event! Although we have reviewed and studied fully for a week…oh yes just one week because even after the deadline of application…we were not sure if PRC would allow us to take or not after we have submitted all the requirements! The exam was also a bit difficult for me so it was like really an answered prayer to pass! We strongly believed, given all the hurdles we’ve been through, we all passed through the amazing grace of God! One of us even made it to the Top 5!

Of course, there’s the launching of our center in Don Antonio, QC, which was successfully attended by future referrals and partners that have resulted to a few invitations more to do the SSA workshop. Moreover, there’s a CoH workshop and a couple of HIV seminars to an NGO in Ermita and Resorts World in Pasay to finish the year off.

One very interesting that happened this year was when the Lord has finally confirmed that a book that tells His story through my life must be written. Actually, God has impressed that to me a couple of years ago but I did not give much attention to it although I have prayed that if it was really HimI would be needing few unexpected affirmations. Early this year when I was visiting Logos Hope for their S-Project, two persons approached me and opened the idea of writing my story in a book. But I said, Lord I need one more.” On October 28, I shared my testimony to the National Youth Commission of PCEC in a half-day HIV seminar. After my talk, a young Pastor approached and asked me about the “books” I have written and deep down inside I was like, “What? Are you serious? Oh Lord this is you indeed!” Funny thing was prior to that inquiry, the point person for that event talked to me about writing a book and when he heard the young Pastor’s question he abruptly told me, “See I told you, start writing!” Hence, as of this post I am on the last few chapters of the book hoping it will be published early or mid next year. Another funny thing was, I have not started the first book yet and it seemed to me that the Lord wants me to do a sequel! So let’s hope and pray that everything will be taking place as God leads things to happen according to His will and purpose.

Truly, God has never failed me to surprise with something during this season each year. What an unexpected turns of events this 2015! It looks like I am going to reach higher and bigger dreams for 2016 and my prayer is that…so are you my dear followers of this blog! Merry Christmas and a Happy Blessed New Year!

HIV&AIDS Month

Yes I know HIV&AIDS months are supposed to be May for AIDS Candle Light Memorial Day, which is annually being done every third Sunday of the said month; and December for World AIDS Day. But for me the past month was all about HIV&AIDS for the following reasons.

During the second week of October, I went to Bacolod City to conduct an HIV&AIDS Symposium for a day. The University of St. LaSalle entitled their activity “Age Does Not Matter But AIDS Does” wherein the college of my friend and colleague where he teaches organized the said event and have attended the symposium. Approximately 200 students including from other departments or colleges have participated and learned. In addition to basic facts and information on HIV&AIDS, they also have heard my life story and some practical information on dealing with the LGBT community. It was an amazing experience to talk before these young people and have become a blessing.

Just a few days before the break for All Saints and All Souls Day, together with my friends and colleagues in the CoH ministry and RedHAT, I have conducted a half-day HIV&AIDS seminar for PCEC – NYC sector or National Youth Commission’s pastors, leaders and church workers. In this learning event, which was spearheaded by the Micah Challenge group, many were touched, inspired, challenged, moved, and blessed simply by listening from what God has done through my life as I shared. Similar with the USLS students, it also opened an opportunity for these people to discuss and do something about the issue of homosexuality or same-sex attraction (SSA) to their own communities.

Although I must say that the highlight for me was when somebody asked me about a book I have written, which I still do not have!  It was a sign I have asked from God that it is indeed His will for me to write a book about His story that He has written and still writing through my life! I guess this is it and now I have no choice but to plan and begin writing the manuscript. Just the thought of it excites me and I am going to ensure that this new venture will honor and glorify the Lord. The question is, will I use my pen name “Dr. El Roi” like the other authors or my real name? What do you think my dear readers?

Supernatural Destiny

It has been quite a while since I have posted a review about the book I just have finished reading and this one by Don Nori Sr. is about a journey of faith as we answer God’s call in our life. Through his work there is one thing I have realized as I continue on living for Jesus and that is the necessity of brokenness. Below are the exact words I have excerpted from this book.

Most people believe that once they have heard the call of God and are certain of His leading, the rest of the journey will be very easy and He will take them to new heights and exciting dreams. Well there’s a truth in this but still could be further from the actual reality. The stronger the leading of the Lord, the more difficult the journey will certainly be. The early days of this “supernatural destiny” involve times of introspection, of a deep inner conflict of attitudes and actions that fight against the presence of God in our life. Therefore, the biggest lesson I have learned and still learning is humility and brokenness, coming to the realization that the thing that we have been called to do is much, much bigger than we could ever fulfill ourselves. Thus, we enter the process of brokenness. Of course, it took me years to learn this and like I have said I am still learning and getting the hang of it.

How I conduct myself in the everyday world is every bit as essential as the thing we are called to do. Through openness and desire to accomplish His will, I just have realized that brokenness is actually a part of this calling and is a lifetime process hence, a companion for life. For brokenness continually reminds us of who we are apart from Jesus. It helps us keep our success in perspective. It continuously reminds us of the pit from which we were removed. Brokenness is truly faithful in keeping our lives and our popularity under the Lordship of Jesus.

If you are honest with yourself, and if you allow honesty, repentance, and forgiveness to be part of your life, you will discover that brokenness comes alongside you as a very powerful safeguard against pride, judgments to others, temptations, and self-righteousness including words of those who may deceive you, all of which will certainly corrupt the work that God has given you. The circumstances that brokenness leads us into will continuously point out places within us that require attention and, ultimately, repentance, which is what we need instead of sorrow or remorse. Brokenness is faithful to us in situations that bring these fleshly roadblocks to light until we wrestle with them in the quiet solitude of our prayer lives. Brokenness knows that unless issues in personality, sin, and attitude adjustments are made, the end of our destiny is certain, and our lives end in shipwreck, sorrow, and much pain.

Personally, I am very conscious of my weaknesses. Regret is difficult to leave behind even after you repent. It is much easier for God to forgive me than it is for me to forgive myself. We handle our struggles and weaknesses differently (denial, justification, using scriptures, etc.) but it is better to confess to the Lord who we are, what we are, and how we have failed Him. That is why I was very glad to learn the importance of humility in following Christ. Honesty grants true forgiveness and release His power to give you strength and freedom over temptation. When we do not cover up our sin before God, He will cover us. When we conceal our sin before the Lord, we leave Him no alternative but to uncover it, sometimes even before man thus, accountability. 

Brokenness strives to deal with the hidden sin and will always come to us in the quiet of our own prayer life for God speaks through it concerning the issues that we have in life. In my experience with my SSA struggles and other sins, He gently urges me to a place of repentant sorrow and change. Then His mercy enters and allows brokenness to expose my weaknesses in a very real way. All these make this journey a lonely path somehow but the few people whom God has brought into my life alleviates this loneliness and praise God for them. For they are the ones whom I can bare my heart and my soul and tell them anything without fear of judgment, they are the ones whom I can be me in success and failure and in good times and hard times. They are God’s covering for me, the intercessors who walk with me in this calling…my supernatural destiny!

These realizations made me grateful to God once again for my struggles and brokenness. 1 Peter 1:3-8.

Few Trips and A Talk

After passing the licensure board exam for Guidance Counselor, I have been into few trips that I have missed the recognition at school for us board passers. It was a little ceremony celebrating the successful first attempt of the Bible school and its counseling department. The book “Dare to Journey” by Charles Ringma with Henri Nouwen was the token given to us and I just got mine this week when I visited the school.

                           

I was in Cebu attending the Channels of Hope refresher course that week when the recognition took place. It was a week of reunion of old friends serving in the same ministry and fun with a new close friend from the locale with food tripping, coffee and yes…little wine. The following week was spent at Hacienda Gracia Resort and Hotel at Lubao, Pampanga, a quite nice and beautiful place for strategic planning of Pinoy Plus. Also it was a week of reunion and getting to know more friends from the positive community.

Two weekends ago, the first out of town trip and staff meeting of our newly found counseling center was held in Pilar, Bataan, the hometown of our head colleague. We have done some amendments on the proposal for our first major client, which is a research company. Las Casas Filipinas de Acuzar in Bagac and the cross or the shrine at the top of Mt. Samat was the two beautiful and historical places we have visited. The former showcases the Old Spanish houses in the country in which some of them were made into hotels while the latter tells the Japanese-American war history.

Last Saturday, I got invited to speak before a group of dentists and their staff in a fellowship. I shared a message, which I have entitled “Being There: The Quest for Integrity.” The sample story I used was my story and journey with Christ as we discussed achieving integrity in our daily lives. Most of them, if not all of them, were blessed to hear from someone like me who is so open and honest about my life. Reflecting on the teaching I have shared, I truly praise the Lord for finally bringing me to this point wherein I can blatantly tell both the good and dark side of the path I have chosen to walk into. There’s no more shame and no more fear but courage knowing that all this is for the honor and glory of God. There is really freedom in the truth of being who you are in the Lord Jesus Christ.

In the midst of challenges, struggles in life and weaknesses, truly that living for God and His purposes is the key to an amazing and fruitful life!

The 700 Club, Logos Hope & NCE

 

Few major things have happened in the past month until last week and the key words as to what are those can be read from the title.

It was my first time to be interviewed on national TV via 700 Club Asia about my journey and struggles with SSA that was aired on second week of Julyat GMA News TV. At first, I thought I got invited to share my views on the Anti-SOGI Discrimination bill but when I got on the set and read the script I was shocked! But then I realized perhaps it was the time the Lord has set for it to happen so it felt like God has set me up for a good purpose without a warning! Asking my friends and prayer to cover me with prayers and the Holy Spirit to lead me, it went very well indeed.

The host Peter Kairuz and the former beauty queen Miriam Quiambiao were the interviewers. Basically I was able to share how I have come up with my decision to “deny” myself and try hard to live the life God has called me for, which is to turn away from the “gay” life. And since it is a Christian program, my views on homosexual issues were the big part of that conversation. Positive feedbacks were received from all the community I am connected with including the former ones. A few of them told me that I was like a professor giving lectures to the two interviewers hahaha! Most importantly, I got some supports and very good comments from my family and relatives.Also, this debut on TV has revealed the real me to old friends and former classmates during high school and college days thus I can say, “I am truly out!”They were all proud of me actually praise God!

For the fourth time since 2012, I have visited the Logos Hope ship docked at San Fernando, La Union and shared the story God has written on my life for the second time to this whole community of young Christian missionaries from all over the world. Not only I have done devotion and workshops on homosexuality but I was also able to do a one on one focused conversation than counseling with some of the ship’s crew. So glad to hear that they were truly blessed with everything I have shared and encouraged to face theirself-issues. This was the part I really enjoyed during this stay. Moreover, I was able to make a new best friend out of my Scottish host from Edinburgh and made friends with his friends and some of the Filipino visitors and volunteers. Similarly, not only they were proud of me but impressed and blessed too with the work God has been doing through my life.

Closely fourteen days after I left the ship, I took the board for NCE or National Counselors Examination to become a licensed practitioner or Registered Guidance Counselor or RGC. Despite of the several challenges we have faced such as time constraint reviewing, application for examination and uncertainties from Professionals Regulations Commission or PRC as to whether our program and school will be approved to take the exam, almost all of us who took from the our school passed the exam! On top of that, one of us placed fifth overall! Personally this is a miracle and truly all by His grace alone for this is how exactly what I have been praying from the beginning of our intention to take the licensure examination. Now my masters’ degree did not only give me a “Pastoral Counselor” ministry title but also earned me a license as RGC. It was really unbelievable for we found the exam difficult like it was impossible to pass especially if you were not able to study well almost 75% of the content. But this is another proof that if you yield everything, trusts and let God…His will prevails! What an unforgettable experience! So to all who prayed for and with us, from the bottom of my heart, my deepest thanks!

So what’s next? Well I need to focus now with our newly formed counseling center and attend to several commitments on seminars, workshops, and counseling that all were put on hold for this NCE. Another thing that happened in the Logos Hope ship, somebody told me…. again…to write a book on my story so I am still praying if it is really one of the direction God is setting me up for. Hmmm not a bad idea so we’ll see, I might start thinking about it seriously.