D R . E L R O I

A PERSONAL JOURNAL OF A MAN LIVING WITH HIV

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Homosexuality Part 14

Walking In The Light

Now that I have shared to you every chapter of the book "This Way Out" by Frank Worthen as well as my own "gayness", I hope you will have now a better understanding why you have become queer and why do we need to step out of it and restores our original sexuality. We're down to the final step which is walking in the light. In this chapter, I will talk about Jesus so if this may sound or read religious and preachy it's inevitable this time.

Jesus is known as the "light" as He is the "light" of men. Walking in the light has much to do with the conduct of our lives. If you have believed everything you have read in this blog about homosexuality and decided to leave it, ask forgiveness and accept Him as your personal Lord and Savior; it must be your heart's desire now to be like Him. If we walk in the Holy Spirit we will not gratify the flesh. This is a walk of faith, trusting that God has provided for us a way out for all temptations and trials.

Walking in the light is like desiring to be like Jesus and being faithful and loyal to Him. It is also seeking to become a mature Christian, shrinking from sexual vice, controlling one's body in purity and ordering our conversation.

We must know how to handle temptations and build new responses on it. When we are tempted, it is important that we stop everything and ask ourselves these questions: What am I doing? Where will this lead? What do I really want? In doing so, we will be less likely to make an unwise and impulsive decision that we will regret later. We will find that we really don't want to jeopardize all that God has done for us by engaging in some personal sexual encounter. The agony of temptation is in the indecision. We want it, but we can't have it. If we build a pattern of indecision, we will always have to go through the torments that ambivalence brings. There is always a split second where we can accept or reject the temptation so we must make a very fast judgment.

Speaking of sexual encounter, of course we must avoid that now and any form of sexual activity including masturbation. Since masturbation is usually fueled by lustful thoughts and dirty fantasies, it automatically becomes a sin. There is a natural build-up of stored fluid in the reproductive system and it brings strong desire for sexual release, so how on earth are we going to do that with no sinful encouragement behind it? God designed our bodies and He has provided natural way for release of these fluids. It is not mentioned in the book what natural way but a friend of mine told me that it could be the wet dreams and the other is sex in marriage when you're ready. If we are walking in the Spirit, we will have the patience and self-control we need during those times. As for me, I have chosen to celibate and somehow I am happy about it. Like I have said, I don't know until when I can do this but I think God is working on it.

Receiving affirmation from same sex Christians is part of walking in the light and it includes affection but up to what extent? For us coming out of the gay lifestyle, touching means stimulation and sensuality; which stems from a non sexual root from early childhood when we're denied this form of affection. For this reason, we might avoid at all costs any kind of intimate relationship. Affection is a vital part of the healing process so we must face the hugging or any skin to skin contact without sensualizing it. All we need is to trust God that He is going to make it possible for us to receive this kind of affection.

Our goal now is to grow up as a Christian struggling in same sex attraction. This is the only way to find inner peace and joy that will carry us through many hardships and it only comes from obedience. If we did not grow up, we are in great danger of slipping back. So expect suffering for being obedient coz it will help us grow mature. Walking in the light is walking in wisdom, forsaking the easy way and doing what pleases God. It is trying to be Holy for without holiness no one will see the Lord. Holiness is obedience to God.

You will be called now a new name; it is no longer "slave" or "prisoner" of this world but a "freed man." Walking in the light means now you are under the authority and the power of God, controlled by the Holy Spirit. We don't have to wait until we no longer have any response for same sex people for God has broken our relationship with the past. Things are different now and will never be the same again.

Walking in the light is acknowledging that God has changed us, is in the process of changing us, and will continue to change us until we stand beside Him. We are to rejoice in what God has done for us.

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