One of my favorite past time is reading anything that really interest me, books with suspense or love stories, magazines, reader's digest, and lately I have been drawn more and more to read books written by Christians. Thank God for my brethren from our church are well aware of this and keep lending or even giving me books. On my birthday, I received a book as a gift from a friend by Philip Yancey entitled The Jesus I Never Knew. I haven't started it yet coz I am still more than half-finished with The Heavenly Man: The Remarkable True Story Of Chinese Christian Brother Yun. It tells Yun's story, his family, and his brethren of the hardships and struggles they have been through in fighting for the Word of God. Basically, it tells about all his sufferings, all the brutality and tortures he experienced while in prison just for preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in China from early 80's to early 90's. He's truly a heavenly man for he endured almost the same pain endured by our Lord Jesus Christ on the cross just to save mankind from sins. I must admit I cried over his stories and on how strongly he committed himself to the Lord and use God's word as his weapon against all the agony and anguish he felt during those times. The greatest testimony among his testimonies was the more than 70 days fasting he did and yet he survived! He always feeds himself with the scriptures from the Bible that he memorized when he got his first Bible at the age of 16. How I wish I could be as spiritually strong as Brother Yun. He's truly an inspiration for me.
Another book that unexpectedly inspired me was the book by Franklin Graham: A Rebel With A Cause. Yes you've guessed it right; he's the son of the famous Billy Graham. It tells about how God worked in his life ever since he was young until the day he worked on his own ministry. I was amazed how God's plan really worked on his life; it simply tells us that our Heavenly Father has His own master plan for each and every one of us even before the day we're conceived in our mother's womb. That His plan will actually happens once we submit ourselves to Him and let Him take charge of everything through our intimate personal relationship with the Lord.
But the book which undoubtedly convinced me to turn my life over to God was the book by Anne Graham-Lotz entitled Just Give Me Jesus. She's the older sister of Franklin. When I read this book, that's the only time when I truly understand the meaning of Jesus Christ stories as well as its connection and importance to our daily lives. We should repent for all the sins we have committed, ask for God's forgiveness, thank Him, exalt Him, and surrender our lives to Him. Invite him to dwell in our hearts and always obey the Words of God. Only then we can really find the meaning of our life on this earth. Only then we can truly find peace and joy in our lives by having a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. I can testify to that because that's exactly what I am feeling right now!
For the past 10 years of my life, my quest for true happiness in life started from my first job, to my career as an entrepreneur, to my not so successful modeling career, to another corporate job, going to places I have never been to, having a relationship from one person to another, another corporate job, all of them were quite insatiable for me in the end. Well I've done most of those things coz I don't want to end up asking myself "what if I did that? What do you think would happen?" question. Perhaps there's nothing wrong trying to do things which I think would improve me as a person and see if I will succeed or not. So I have decided to do them while I have time so I won't have regrets in the future. Though in between those quest were shameful acts, well biblically they are unlawful, which led me to emptiness and total brokenness. Well, I just thought making my dreams into reality would bring me true happiness but I was dead wrong.
Finally, after all those years I asked myself "What on earth am I doing here?". This is not the kind of life I have dreamt of 10 years ago. I was in total control of my life but what went wrong? Why I am not happy? How about you? Are you really happy? If you are, what's making you happy and for how long? Have you ever wondered why are you living on this earth? Have you asked yourself what is the purpose of your life? These are heavy questions that only few are courageous enough to answer and find it.
When I learned about my health condition, that's the time when I asked myself all these questions. When I surrendered my life to God and have decided to walk my life with Him, all these questions have been answered and I have never felt this ethereal joy I am feeling right now before. I feel so secure now because I know that the Lord will not forsake me and He has given me a task to do. Though I am not quite sure yet but I have a feeling that my duty now is promoting the Christian living to everyone especially to people living with HIV. I have prayed for God to reveal me His plan and now He opened the door. Exactly what I have asked for, and this is this training for Channels of Hope by World Vision.
Perhaps you're wondering why I have come up to this decision, building a personal relationship with the Lord and totally submitting my life to Him. Aside from the reasons I mentioned here, I think it would be better if I tell you my story. You will read it on my next blogs.
Praise the Lord Jesus Christ!