HIV positive! It did not surprise me that much but it was the last thing I have expected! I knew I had a few unprotected sexual encounter that's why it was really possible coz I did not know too well those guys I had encountered with. Well, my initial reaction was to wail to God and asked why me? I never hurt anyone nor stepped on to anyone just to get what I want. I have showed respect and kindness to everyone especially to my family and friends, I have stolen nothing, and I never killed anyone. Most of all, I showed respect to God. (Or did not I really?).When I was a kid, I go to church every Sunday and as often as possible when I was working. I always pray every night to give thanks to God, and ask for His forgiveness for the wrong I have done. But what went wrong for me to deserve this? There were lot of homosexuals, or let me call it perverts out there, who were far worst than what I did but why me? For a couple of minutes I was so mad at God that I even reprimanded Him! But then I realized that I was wrong and should not have done that so I immediately asked for His forgiveness, said sorry, and prayed even harder to take care of me. Look, it was my last hope to have a better life and it will never happen because of that stupid HIV!
My first job was great when it comes to salary and benefits but most of the time my work itself sucks. So when the company had decided to cut the overhead cost, they offered an early separation package to those who will voluntarily resign. It was lucrative in a way plus I have savings, not to mention that I am still young and now with job experience for almost 4 years, so I thought it would be better for me to take this chance. Confident that there will be a lot of opportunity for me out there so I resigned. And now, I can try the things I have dreamed about like modeling and putting up my own business, or went abroad if things did not worked out. When I was out from that company, I realized that it was a big mistake and that would be the first of the series of these unfortunate events in my life. It happened in mid 2002.
Back in June 2001, my younger brother took his own life with a gun shot to his head leaving us without any reason why he did that awful thing. This was the first tragic event in the family and I saw how painful it was to my parents especially to my mother coz he's graduating that time in college and he's so young at 20. I even helped my mother to send him to college. Later on, the question why it was happened to us has been somehow answered.
The business I put up with a friend turned out to be futile and I lost almost less than 200,000 for that. I thought if you have the money, it would be easy to put up a business but I was so wrong. It's imperative that it should be your heart's desire and also it would be something that you will be proud of and I was not. Aside from the business technicalities, I also learned that there are people who are meant to be entrepreneurs and I am not one of them. Well, obviously, it cost me a lot to learn those lessons and it's the second in the series. This was in 2003.
In addition, I have learned as well that when you have lots of money time is really gold. So instead of putting most of what I've got in a conservative investment, with the help of trusted friends, I put more than half of it to a risky business deal and later we found out that it was a pyramiding scam. That's the next in the series, and I literally cried for what I've lost. This was in 2003 also.
Then before my first business venture ended, I enrolled myself in a modeling school and started to do some mall fashion shows, promotional tour in bars, go-sees, VTRs for commercial and corporate events. After 3 years of doing this, my modeling career did not take off as I expected so I have decided to give it up and became the fourth in the series. My modeling career started in late 2002 and ended up on the last quarter of 2005.
The reason why I opted to try these things was, I have always wanted to be a professional model and/or a businessman. If I will not try doing such things that time, when will I gonna do it? I don't want to end up asking myself in the future, "what if I tried this? What do I think would happen? Will I be successful? Famous or not?". So might as well try it then and find out the answers than wait for another opportunity, in which I am unsure if there will be another opportunity or that time still will come.
Like I mentioned on my previous blog, I have applied for an immigrant visa for Australia hoping to start a new life there and try to recover all the money I've lost for the past years. While waiting for the whole process to be completed I have decided to get myself employed in a call center which started in early 2006. In the last quarter of the same year, the immigration lawyers asked me to have my medical to be completed so that they can release my visa as soon as possible. Then the fifth unfortunate event in my life took place, according to my medical result, I am HIV positive!
For the next two months after that terrible medical result, I have felt like I am a dead-man walking because I opted to continue working and live my life normally as if nothing happened. After that grieving moment to God and accepted the fact that I am sick and I'll be dead in 12-18 years, I realized that I need to be responsible for the consequences of my actions. After all it's my fault; I became promiscuous and did not take the necessary precautions knowing all the risk. I have violated the biblical law so I guess I deserved this punishment, yes that's what I thought. But it was not, it became the way for me to search for the real meaning of life and it will be God's way of saying, "son we need to talk".
The last in the series of these misfortunes was, when my doctor asked me to resign from my call center job coz the working hours is now a threat to my health. For the reason that I want to live longer and make the most out of it and finally decided to look for the purpose of my life, I did resigned. Now it had given me so much time to contemplate on things and eventually decided to turn over a new leaf and make that big change in my life......to follow the Lord Jesus Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment