It was 2005 when I first submitted my whole life to God and started reading the bible with the gospel of John. After that series of unfortunate events occurred and can't even find a job which is good as my first, I returned to my family and did almost nothing for a year. During this time when I tried to recall everything I've been through while waiting for the elusive result of my visa application. I have finished the whole John gospel and have felt that I want to change; it's just that I did not know how.
Ever since I was a kid, I believed in God. John 14:12-14 says, I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
I took this words literally, so my prayers to Him every night were consist of giving thanks, asking forgiveness, asking for what I want in my life like for instance; the fast and positive result of my visa application, and asking God to take care of me and every aspect of my life. I became so close to Him. Around this time when my homosexual activity toned down more than a little but what I forgot was I did not addressed it to the Lord. From the start, even though I have not read it from the bible yet just from heresy, I have no idea why I have this feeling that having sex with a man or men if you're a guy is simply not just right. It explains why I have a sudden feel of guilt every after encounter. Yes like I have said it was toned down but never stops. Still I have continued to search and look for men that will satisfy my sexual need until I got employed to this call center in early 2006. It was not as frequent as before because I have worked on a graveyard shift, and I know that deep down inside of me I really have wanted to cease. Actually, I thought my prayers were answered when the Australian Embassy asked me to complete my medical exam via mail that's why I have decide to get a job while waiting. Only to lead me to another predicament, this in turn will change my entire life and eventually lead me to Lord Jesus Christ.
Late 2007 when my visit to my Christian doctor became frequent and every time she asked me how I am doing, always I retorted I want to make something good out of my condition. I told her that I believed God has a reason and has a different plan for me why He did not allow my plans to succeed and let this tragic thing happened to me. I have started to look at the brighter side because that's the best thing that I can do in my present situation. I began to ask not only myself but her as well as to what is the purpose of my life, why am I here if God will only hurt me by not giving me all that I have wanted even though He witnessed that I worked so hard for all of it. Then my Christian doctor told me that I am a candidate to be a born again Christian. She told me that the Lord wants me to completely surrender my life to Him and leave the kind of life I used to have and I have dreamed of. She prayed over me and instructed to ask forgiveness with all my heart from God, and to accept Jesus Christ to be my personal Lord and Savior, while weeping. I was very emotional that time that I cried for like half an hour coz I have felt I have nowhere left to go but only to Him. It was December 2007.
She gave me a book as an early Christmas present written by Anne Graham-Lotz entitled Just Give Me Jesus, after I have finished, it was then I have truly understand all the sufferings on the cross by our Lord Jesus Christ. He did it for mankind's salvation. He wants us to live according to His words and accepts Him to be our personal Lord and Savior. He wants people to submit their lives and be totally dependent on Him and live a true Christian living. Follow God's word, and live in a godly way. The book was really nice and has truly pierced my heart the way the author described in details Jesus Christ's suffering that I wept while reading some chapters of it.
According to my new Christian friend, it was my spiritual birthday, the day when I was born again. After that prayer by my Christian doctor, nothing dramatic change took place in me. She invited me to attend to their church on Sundays and I started reading the bible guided by "Our Daily Bread". It was then I realized that if I want to follow the Lord and live the Kingdom living, I need to think and act in a Christ way. Meaning, I need to kill the old me since all my sinful ways has been washed away when I accepted the Lord. This was the start of my spiritual battle, and the hardest for me was avoiding and stop having sexual encounter with men and totally leave behind the homosexual life and be an ex-gay.