Of course, if you have decided to leave homosexuality just like what I did there will always be a spiritual warfare going on inside and outside of us. The enemy will not stand idly by while we form a new, godly lifestyle and every step we take will be challenged. He will try to snatch away each truth, bringing doubt, disbelief and confusion. But we need to be reminded constantly that we have been given the authority over the enemy.
We need to think positive all the time that we can do this. Now that I know that I can't get any satisfaction with any sexual encounter or relationship from the same sex, I am pretty sure that the next attractive guy that will come my way will be the same like my past encounters. Oh yes, the moment when you're having sex maybe great and feels good but after that the feeling of guilt, not fully satisfied kind of feeling, empty happiness, and loneliness after wards is always there. This "after the sex encounter" moment for me will make me realize and shift my attention to reality every time I bump into some sexually attractive guy; then I will continue my walk. Believe it or not I must admit; there's a feeling of a little regret whenever I do that but the feeling of being triumphant over the temptation is better and more rewarding. In that way, I can talk freely without any guilt with God and it feels really good.
Christianity is somewhat complicated and sometimes confusing due to the differences in opinion with other Christians. The enemy will use this as a personal attack to us so we must be guarded all the time and must think rationally. Do not let yourself get affected easily by negative behaviors or events with the people around you because you must accept the fact that there is inconsistencies and imperfection in everything including Christianity. We must learn to forgive to keep the enemy from getting the advantage over us.
Let me mention to you the instruments being used by the enemy or by the evil to lure us back into sin as I have learned from the book. First is boredom, normally we use sex as the answer to this. This will remain a great temptation since all people are tempted to return to their old patterns of behavior when they are uncomfortable and in search of escape. Now we are challenged to discover how to use our times alone constructively rather than returning to the easy and sinful solutions of the past. As for me, I read Christian books and I enjoy writing this journal.
Loneliness is the second instrument and a tough one to beat. But did you know that as God's creation, we do not have the right to be lonely? Why do you think is that? Usually, our loneliness is cause by the unmet needs of us which is actually a form of selfishness. For instance is self pity or anger at others or a desire for revenge. These negative thoughts or feelings will be used by evil so you need to be careful. For homosexuals, most of the times we tend to become lonely when we do not have good and intimate relationships with others. Loneliness is quite different from being alone and we can use this time in Bible reading or intercessory prayer, well that's what I do.
Depression, despair and hopelessness were also mentioned in the book. Again for me, these emotions are somewhat related to loneliness which is usually an act of selfishness or self-pity if you're going to analyze deeply. Believe me, at first I find it hard to believe but its true. Sometimes the cause of this is impatience so we need to learn to be patient for it's a virtue as they say. To avoid these emotions, we need to look for the positive things in our life and be happy. I am quite sure that there is always a positive from a negative situation or else there will be no universal balance.
Disbelief in God. Sometimes if we're really in a situation which is very difficult for us to handle, we tend to feel this way. Believe that God is watching us and there's a reason for everything.
Homesickness was also mention as well as cynicism. These are negative emotions and also another ways where we can easily fall short. For homesickness, just be reminded constantly why and what you are for in whatever situation you are and pray. Being cynical will drive people away from you so learn how to gauge and trust people.
A flashback is another instrument that will make us fall again. Go back to the second paragraph of this blog and read it for the second time. So don't be tempted to do it again when you're having flashbacks inadvertently or intentionally with your past life including the sexual encounters.
Do not let your healthy interests outside the church consume so much about your time. When we get caught up in our interests to the extreme like with our job or hobbies, spiritual things begin to seem disconnected from real life. Make your Sunday available for God and always find time to pray and read the bible.
The last instrument that is mentioned is; I can't even believe myself, the thought of having a Christian lover! For me this is ridiculous so since I have decided to follow the Lord and leave homosexuality behind, I do not entertain this kind of idea anymore though I must admit there are lots of good looking Christian guys or gays I must say but it's a no now. So having said that, don't be tempted!
As the temple of the Holy Spirit, we must guard our bodies and minds against all forms of immorality. If we fall, we must accept forgiveness from God and continue our walk with Him by resisting all the temptations around us.