D R . E L R O I


Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Homosexuality Part 10

Correcting Our Image Of Self

Our own image is quite imperative to the change that we want to achieve; it is definitely included in the process. Now that we knew how valuable we are to God and how we should look and feel for other people, it's time to hold a correct image of ourselves coz it is somehow intertwined with the two. Only when we love God, submit ourselves to Him, share His love to others can we feel right about ourselves. Again, I don't want to sound or read preachy and religious but the spiritual component cannot be overlooked for it is primary consideration. Most of us, if not all of us believe in God so might as well dig into it much deeper for it is the only source of true miracle.

Whether you believe it or not, low self-image or self-esteem is what you have as a homosexual person. Well, that's according to the book and it made me realize that it is true. That is the result of the rejections, ridicule and isolation we often received as we grow up. Most gays tend to cover up this low self-esteem once he have found a group that would accept him and most of the time it is with the homosexual lifestyle.

Significance and security are the two things needed for a good self-image. Significance means that we have worth with what we are and what we do have value. Gays find value or worth with the people with the same sexual orientation though it usually won't last for a long time. Other gays support gay rights causes to justify their identity to be significant. Security can be found in being accomplished in some skill, or simply collecting friends and people that will bring them both value and security. The reality is that, it is not easy to find these things in a gay lifestyle. Usually, you tend to compensate the loss of a secure friendship or relationship with material things. There may be amassing possessions like gadgets, clothing or just wealth in general to silence the deep insecurity or low esteem inside. Others exude arrogance, proud and aggressive attitude to mask low self-esteem. But I guess the worst is when you allow others to determine your self-worth. Gays build up this protection wall to conceal the insecurity that lies within. If you continue to do this for a long time, the consequences will always be failure, depression, and isolation.

I had suffered this consequences after living a homosexual lifestyle for six years, and some of you might still continue to do the same thing coz probably you're still enjoying it. Whether you admit or not, the truth that you feel these things within you whenever you are alone is undeniably there. You just chose not to confront it and simply ignore it, but it will keep hunting you down believe me.

Not because I got infected with HIV, I have decided to stop homosexual activities. In fact it took me more than a year before I have come to that decision. Because of the series of failures I've got, if you have read all my previous postings, depression and isolation; I have started to look for the meaning and purpose of my life because this is not the kind of life I have dreamt of.

In my quest for the true meaning of life, I have found Jesus Christ through my Christian doctor. These failures that I have has directed me towards Him coz Jesus loves failures. It took me these failures to end my self-rule and has become the launching pad of my new overcoming life. Jesus Christ has raised my self-esteem; He's the only one who can clear up the picture we hold of ourselves. I did not have decided to stop doing homosexual stuffs; it just happened when I have accepted God's forgiveness and accepted Him as my personal Lord and Savior. Again I must confess, it's not easy to leave the kind of life I used to live but I am aware that from the start it was wrong and I just have chosen to get into it when I thought it was alright. Unfortunately, that choice led me to devastation, emptiness and depression. Now that I am in the process of change, I always seek Him for guidance and direction especially when temptations are just right there. Temptations are always there and it will never go but as long as I chose to walk away from them I know I'll be safe, it's not easy but God is there to protect me.

Our self worth must come from the value that God has placed on us. It is God's love and the knowledge of this love that will give us a sense of worth and value. After we have come into a right relationship with God, He will use the people of His Body which is the church as His instrument of love, bringing affirmation that we're longing for and healing. Romans 8:31 says, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

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